GOOD FOR YOU!

I hope he leaves ASAP!

Make sure he leaves before Monday!

Do everything in your power to get him out, you can't have this guy around you any longer, he is destroying you, trust me when I say that you will feel soo much better when he is out of the house.

I would buy some locks today so as soon as he is out of the house then change them!

Our prayers are with you!

NP, I'm sorry but your WH is the male version of my WW. I know how hard this is, but I think you are fortunate to be able to execute Plan B. For yourself. For your kids. And possibly for your marriage down the road. I really do know exactly of the pain you speak. In my case, my WW won't leave so I'm sort of stuck, but trying to figure out a way to get her out.

Write the letter. Get him out. Continue your own personal recovery. Take care of 'lil Bean.

Deadbolts, girlfriend, not sliding locks. We used sliding locks to keep our son from "escaping" once he learned how to turn a doorknob. They will not deter a raging self-entitled wayward. Deadbolts are a woman's best friend!!!

Do your best to get him out ASAP.

And make sure you go DARK. ONLY communicate through your IM. You can do this.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!

Whether your M eventually recovers or not, you are still giving it the very best chance. It feels like giving up, but it's really just the opposite. Way to go!

Yep. I didn't have time to post the other day but you need to go dark NOW. It will have no effect on your WH later. You need him to see clearly what life without you and your littles is like. Plus I really worry about your mental health. An extended plan A with the hormones you have is crazy making.

I just read your next two posts! Good for you, NP. You can begin to feel better when he is gone.

This is by far the absolute hardest part to process and accept. I still feel heartbroken by this part, but not seeing WH or communicating with him (at least trying not to)helps.


Wow, we must have the same wayturds, again this is why I removed myself from the situation. It is to painful to witness. Make him leave.


Be careful with this, I know you are looking for your MIL to be on your side. Always remember, blood is thicker than water. I didn't think my inlaws would turn their back on me, but everyone of them has. So just make sure you know who you can trust.


Plan B will help with this.

I am so sorry you have to go through this with your daughter and a new baby. Let yourself grieve and take care of those babies.
I don't know where our husbands went, maybe to alien planet that is home to the blacked-souled beings that have taken over their bodies.
Right now just focus on breathing, taking one day at a time, and taking care of your children. Try to schedule some time in there for yourself. A massage would be nice, if you can't get out; see if you can find one who is mobile and will come to you.

{{{NP}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh, hon, you are a strong, brave woman. Take one day at a time, get your Plan B ready for action.

I agree with others, try to schedule some time for yourself. One thing I recommend is meditation. I do guided meditations, I can give you some recommendations that I got from one of my Drs. I found that doing that for even 10-15 minutes made such a difference. A massage, maybe a mani and pedi, something for YOU, anything for you always is a good thing. I remember how tough it is with a newborn, I can't imagine having 2 little ones. Reach out to your support network. Get them there to help you. You need all the support you can get.

We're all here for you. I specifically come back to check up on you. Lean on everyone and anyone right now.

HUGS!!!!!

How are you NP? You are supposed to be leaning on your MB friends here more.... You've disappeared again??

Hope you are ok....

Ya I was wondering the same thing...she's been gone for like 3 or 4 days I hope everything is ok!

Sorry for making you guys worry! I just wasn't posting becuase I had nothing new to report - was reading your messages though!

It's just been a few days of us being civil to each other (couldn't even call it friendly), and then me going off and sobbing my heart out in the bathroom and having to compose myself before I face him again.

I KNOW my loving husband is not here right now but God, I miss him so much! Sometimes it's all I can do stop myself telling WH I miss him, because what I mean is - "I miss who you used to be," and that doesn't help with who he is now.

I keep watching him in the garden. He took our yard and transformed it from something neglected to this beautiful, interesting, pretty yard. He planted veggies and flowers and put up trellises - and he LOVES it. He's so proud of it. I just keep watching him and thinking, "How can you leave all this, our children and our home and our life?"

Then I go off and cry.

Is there NOTHING I can do? I can't beg him anymore. I tried to fix the problems he said he had - that my family hated him and ostracized him and that I always put them first, and after five years he was so resentful and sick of me. But he hates them too. I saw them less and contacted them less and even got my brother to agree to a meeting so they could talk it out and maybe work their problems out, and he isn't even willing to attend the meeting. He keeps saying he was just watching to see if I could fix my issues and I tried, and STILL he's leaving.

I know there's probably nothing I could or should be doing, except going to Plan B and I just keep hoping for some 11th hour change of heart on his part.....

{{{{NP}}}}} I was just checking in on your thread and I am so sorry that you are going through all this...The one thing I want to say to you is to stop blaming yourself...Waywards are great at putting all the blame on the BS...Yeah, no marriage is perfect, but WH waited to tell you all his "problems" with you until AFTER he had an affair...and I am sure he wasnt so perfect either. HIS AFFAIR IS NOT YOUR FAULT....

You have done the best you could have in this horror of a situation that your WH has put you in...There is NO use trying to talk any sense into your WH...it will being falling on deaf ears at this point...and what he is doing is pretty normal for an evil wayward.

Sweetie, Plan B is your best bet right now...for your sanity and peace...Your little bean and sweetie pie needs a sane mother right now and that is very difficult when you deal directly with an active wayward...Hang in there, k?

What happened to plan B? Why have you not moved to that? Isn't that what we have been trying to discuss with you?

YOU DON'T need this NP

Why are you torturing yourself?

Get him OUT NOW, or pack your THINGS and YOU LEAVE!

Don't Wait!

I'm sorry that I'm being harsh, but my heart goes out to you, and you DON'T DESERVE IT this pain or treatment!!

Please, NP I am begging you, pack your self up with the kids and leave this man, don't put any more effort into this marriage, if he wants to you gone then give it to him, I know it hurts, what ever he is doing to you is not healthy, go to your family for help.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't wait till he leaves, that won't help ANYTHING!

GO DARK!

Get some help from those people that love you!

Please, plan B at your family's place with a strong IM as interceptor.

Your presence there only reinforces his wayward thinking that you are the problem.

You tell him that his OW and A is the problem, but you remain trying to work it out.

Get outta there, asap, and show him he is the one with the problem.

Where is NP and the kids? "NP had to leave because I've been having an A and luuuvvv my OW." Trust me, he wants to use you as a cover...if he can't blame shift it to you, he might just wake up and face himself.


(((((NP))))))

I know the smart thing to do would be to Plan B right away. I hate to admit it, but I am not strong enough to do that right now. I have thought about it and even started packing, but I can never go through with it. Even if I was strong enough, I don't have anywhere I could go for the next three weeks - my mom and I don't have the best relationship, she doesn't respect any of my wishes. I think I can hold out until he leaves. Maybe I will find the strength to do this. I ask God every day for strength to make it through, and to help me recover and do the best I can for my children.

I am beginning to strongly believe in the power of Plan B for personal recovery, if nothing else. I know it's going to be so hard but I think taking that power back into my own hands is going to truly help me recover and find my respect for myself again, instead of just loving him and loving him. Also, I know that no matter what he says, he WILL miss talking to me and seeing me. He'll want me to know how he's doing and what he's doing and I won't be around to receive it, and I know that will hurt him.

Another thing I tell myself that helps me is that I know that no matter where he goes or who he ends up with, he will never find a woman who loves him so completely and so unconditionally as I do. I've stood by him through ups and downs, through sad and happy times, rich and poor times, and I'd stay with him in a second, forgive him for everything, if I could just see he was remorseful and wanted to truly fix our marriage. Even OW once told him if he ever cheated on her he'd come home to find his clothes burning on the front lawn (gag me with a spoon, I hate thinking about her). My love for him, the REAL him, is still so strong, and I know it's going to remain that way for as far into the future as I can see. I HOPE he sees that someday when he is out of the fog and doesn't feel all this ill-placed resentment toward me.

You do realize that the OW will live with him when he moves up there right? Why do you think he wanted to get a job far away? So he can stop looking at the pain in you and your kids eye's to remind him what he is doing, when he lives with her where ever he is living he will only think of HER, not you, not your kids, JUST HER!! He has an excuse not to see his kids, because "he is far away"

That is why I say leave now! So every time he see's his kids when you are in dark plan B he will understand, your first plan B lasted what? Two days?? That is not long enough!

Now 3 weeks THAT IS LONG ENOUGH!

Why don't you let him suffer the remaining 3 weeks while you get help, if your mother wont help (which I think is soo wrong) then get a friend, cousin, sister, etc to help you during those 3 weeks before your alien is out of the house.

Honestly NP you are not helping yourself or your husband for staying and putting up with him in the next 3 weeks.

This will be my last attempt to try to let you see what you are doing is NOT RIGHT!

I'm sorry, but you don't realize that the people on this thread is hurting because what you have to deal with, for not doing anything, for just sitting there taking it, when we ALL KNOW how much pain you are in, because if we are hurting like this then your pain must be 200X WORSE! We care about you NP, you are like a best friend that we want to protect, and when we read your post saying your going to stay the remaining three weeks we are torn.

What can we say to help you realize you need to leave?? With your kids??

Sigh...the only thing I can do is not read your thread until your leave, so either today or wait after the 3 week mark, till I know your husband is gone. (it pains me to read your thread.)

In the mean time, I hope the BEST for you!! Wheels and I will pray for you!

NP -- loving a man unconditionally is UNHEALTHY. There SHOULD be conditions to your love, otherwise you are a doormat.
Fury is exactly the correct emotion to have when discoving a cheating spouse. Not immediate forgiveness and unconditional love.

Why do you feel the need to let him be comfortable for another 3 weeks? Why can't you tell him to get the heck out and let him figure it out for himself?

Plan B is not giving up on your M. Plan B is doing your best to save your M by NO LONGER ENABLING him in his evil.

Plan A is a short, calculated effort to get a WS cake-eating, and that MUST be followed by a quick, sharp cut-off to give your M the best chance at success.

Your weakness is harming your chance to save your M.

NP - The more time goes by, the more evident it becomes that you need to go to Plan B. Please let me share a slightly different perspective in the hopes that you will see the necessity that many here do for Plan B.

During my A, I treated my DH horribly. While I did not say some of the things your WH has said to you, I walked all over him, did not spare his feelings, and I took took took from him - love, attention, resources, trust.

After D-day, my DH has said numerous times how my behavior during my A is something he can never forget...or forgive. It was too much.

While you may not feel that way now, or ever, I think it is important for you to consider. We have been urging you to go to Plan B now for the sake of you, your newborn child, and your M...and now, let me urge you for your recovery. Whether it be personal or marital, realize that the longer your WH's abuse goes on (because, make no mistake, that's what it is), the harder and harder recovery becomes.

Please. You have the strength.