Greetings from the Golf Course!

Beautiful day here!! Just waiting catching up on email before heading out to serve some 'beverages' to the masses before lunch! Bloody Marys and Mimosas have been flowing this morning.

this is actually a Customer's Golf Tournament - - i do not think my company is having their annual tourny this year. Will have to find out for sure - would be quite interesting with me, Drac and Ho2 ALL in attendance.

I have not watched the Rheba show - probably won't, but just because I don't have much 'tv time'. Funny how different themes of shows speak to people differently. I would have to say that if Ho1 had stayed around, she would never be welcome in my home. She would not make it thru the door to have that apple stuffed in her mouth!

I'm like you, SL. Don't really know this girl other than to recognize her on the street & I don't WANT to know her. Or the next one, or the next one (which he is still actively searching for on match.com ). LOL!



Being gone so much before and during the Fourth of July with high heat, my balance got out of whack. I shocked the HE77 out of it and adjusted the PH, but it didn't fully clear up. With being gone again, I didn't attempt to make any further adjustments until I return. Am thinking I may try the bleach - - am not going to make it any worse (I HOPE)! LOL!

I think what I really NEED to do is advertise for a Pool Man! Think I'd get in trouble for harassment if I insisted on a Speedo as his uniform??

Actually I have a really NICE group of folks at my local pool store who are quite helpful to me. Will be seeing them as soon as I return. I HAVE to have it perfect by Saturday afternoon - -- it's the Annual Girls Drinking Umbrella Drinks by the Pool Party! Any ladies in the area,,,,,come on over!

Oooooo, I am pea green with envy over the umbrella drinks. Since my sister quit drinking, I have gone the dry route too, in deference to her. I don't need the drink and she needs a safe place. I tell you what, though, sis is right, that most social things, even down to hanging out having some conversation on the deck, seems to have an association with alcohol.

I plan on having dinner while on the road and sipping a drink or two with AZman. He's helping me with the drive AGAIN!!!

I have missed my champagne, but it's no biggie. The calm around the house has been well worth the change

With the pool, there is such a thing as too many chemicals. Sometimes you've just got to run the pump for a while after shocking it to allow the levels to hit their norm. Sometimes the pump media needs a change (sand/DE/filter) so that it can filter at a better rate. Ho hum, no pool for my near future. Guess I'll have to go to the Y...

Bugsy, sitting here thinking of Mimosas and sunshine.

Have a good day out. Would be worried about being at a golf turny with my X, OW, and golf clubs. Not a good combination -- for them.

Must be on the same wave length when you mentioned "Pool boy" and then speedos. My neighbor had a "pool boy" who was about 80 pounds overweight, sweated profusely, and when he bent over I was reminded of the skit from Saturday Night Live of the Norge repair man! No show to see in that back yard.

What I do remember is him pouring that liquid bleach into a green pool and within a few days it was clear. He said of all the pool chemicals available a $1 bottle of bleach goes a long way.

Enjoy your day.

bugs

Unbelievable. What does that tell you?

Hey Bugs,

How are you? I saw the note you sent me on facebook, but I deleted it by mistake. I'm not sure what you wrote, but thank you.

You've been quiet on here, you ok?

Bugs?

Sorry it's been a while since I've check in. Thanks for thinking of me!!!!!!!

I was out of town most of this week for work. Long days, but good stuff. Ended the week having dinner Thursday night and Friday morning meeting with our CEO and Senior Leadership Team. Very good stuff!

Of course, had to endure my typical travel challenges last night. Instead of getting home at 8:30, it was after midnight! How does it make sense to have to travel from Arkansas to Chicago and back to St. Louis???

About a week or so ago, I had got a speech from my sister(s) on how I should be friends with Ho2 (for the sake of the kids). I keep running this through my head. I go from my immediate reaction, which is HE77 no - - to asking myself if there is something wrong with me because I can't seem to make myself be able to do that.

I think about Ho2 and how she not only KNEW about his A, but that she actually was involved as a friend & co-worker of the 2 of them. Then he brought her to work at our same place of business and within 30 days Ho1 is out and 30 days after that she offically becomes Ho2.

While I understand that from the outside, a reasonable relationship with the woman who has such involvement in my kids lives would probably be a good thing, I just can not bring myself to do it.

One moment I ask myself why should *I* have to reach out & be friendly to the next moment asking myself why CAN'T I be the bigger/better person.

ZooooweeeeMama!

So, enough about that. Am taking the kids on vacation next week and can not wait to just get away!

Protecting yourself and teaching your DD that it is ok to not be friends with people who mean you harm is ok. People on the outside don't get it, bugsy. They won't until it happens to them.

My MIL and SIL had the OW and OC to their home, with my niece and nephews there while my H was ACTIVELY involved in the A with that wh*re. They could not understand why I would not allow my children around them and why I was plan B'ing them. Well now that my SIL has been betrayed by her now ex H and my niece is suffering from PTSD from it, guess who "gets it" now?

People do and say some many things all in the name of keeping the peace or "for the sake of the children" without really knowing the harm they are causing.

Hi Bugs-

I don't see any reason you need to "be friends" with anyone you don't want to be friends with...especially those who have questionable moral values. I think all that's called for is common human courtesy.

JMHO

Why is it that people expect us to be friends with enemies?

What's up with that?

When Waywards expect their betrayed spouses to be friends after getting screwed in the marriage, screwed out of 1/2 the time with their children, screwed out of their resources, and once the carnage is done and they've done all the damage they can do, society and so-called "well-meaning" folks EXPECT us to lay down and open ourselves up for a secondary screwing via FRIENDSHIP??

What is this world coming to?

I can forgive. But friends?

Sorry. My friends don't come from the trash and rubble of a destroyed life. They come from those who have my back and have never stuck a knife there!

If someone close to me who had my trust offended me or hurt me or in any other way do me harm, they would have to make amends - thoroughly before they would ever be at the level of trust that they would have been without the harm.

Your X has not done that.

Your X's girlfriends have not done that.

They are not friend material.

Teach this to Ladybugs. Teach her to have boundaries and standards about friends. Your sisters seem to be a lost cause right now.

Bugsyyyyy.....babyyyyyy...

If your initial reaction is He77 no...stick with it.

Look, if you look at these two people as any old schmoes off of the street, knowing what you know about their character, would you wanna be nice, comfy, cozy friends then? I hazard a guess that the answer would be no. So, why would you bother with them having the added benefit of being betrayed by them? Hmmmmm....methinks you are letting some misplaced guilt seep into your thinking.

If it feels wrong for you, then it's probably wrong for you. You are not HARMING anyone by not being friends. You would be harming yourself if you gave in and tried.

The only thing you have to have with Drac is a working parenting relationship. That's it. You don't have to take one iota of carp off of anyone else for how you choose to live your life.

If my sister pushed me in this way, she would not be happy with what I had to say in return. I wouldn't put up with that from my own family. You are allowed to have whatever opinion you want. If you choose not to support me in my decisions about MY children, then get bent!

Thank you ALL for helping me!

I knew my own feelings & gut reaction wasn't 'wrong'. I tell my kids all of the time that feelings in and of themselves are not 'wrong' or 'right', they are feelings. The important thing is to understand what is behind those feelings. What is it that has happened externally or internally that has contibuted to having those feelings?

That is what I put in my post - the circumstances behind the feelings.

I try to work through with my kids, what has happened to lead them to the point of their feelings. Little room here for any kind of misunderstanding!

Kayla, I've walked Ladybugs through the point you make numerous times. WHY would anyone be friends with people that hurt & betray them? No one would. No one has to. Not even me.

I know my sisters mean well. I know they love me. I know they want what is best for me and my kids. I know they know how selfish & messed up Drac truly is - - - perhaps that is why they are trying to direct me to have a relationship with whoever the Ho happens to be at the moment?

Honestly, I've told them both several times my feelings on things regarding Drac. I end up feeling preached to by them both and get tired of feeling like I have to defend myself. One sister has was a BS, the other was seperated for a time when her DH was an active alcoholic. Apparently they both are of the mind that there comes a time to just swallow all of the bull-hockey and act like it's all okay.

I've often thought to myself and will someday ask the most 'preachy' of the two, what would she expect of her daughter if she were in my shoes.

Ah well.

As has been said, "You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You can't pick your family"

LOL!!! I love them all despite their faults, just like they love me despite the multitude of mine! Thank God!

Good girl Bugs. If this isn't a person you would befriend in a normal situation, why start now? She doesn't sound like friendship material to me.

I don't know Bugs, it sounds like it won't be long before you are in charge of that entire company and will be able to fire their a$$es. I say get rid of them all!!!!!

Keep going lady. I know some wonderful things lie ahead for you.

Hi Bugs,

I have heard similar arguments, but not from
any family members... just questioning 'myself' sometimes.


As SL has already said: they are allowed to have whatever opinion they want....

And at one point, you can also tell your sisters (as I tell myself, LOL) that you have 'heard' what they have to say, so could they please STOP repeating themselves!

Hi Bugs - it's been a month - how 'bout an update?

Thanks for stopping by the check on me, Kayla!

I sat here thinking about what I could update about,,,thinking there was not much. Then, I wondered if why my life is so busy?? ha!

Friends, family & work are keeping me busy. From my niece who is now on full time bedrest while expecting her 2nd baby to my friend whose mom suddenly was diagnosed with a brain tumor, it's been a crazy couple of weeks lately.

My sisters and I are doing better from the time of my last updated. I've not brought up Drac's latest Ho and neither havve they. I know where I stand and why. It's my choice and while they may not agree, I don't need them to & we are all ok with that.

Nothing has changed with Drac - not that I or anyone here would expect that it would! Ho2 has sold her house & is moving in even more things to his house. The kids are not entirely happy about it,,,,just because it's more change, AGAIN. As usual, he's spending less time with the kids now that someone else is there to pick up the slack for him. It's very sad.

I continue to manage my relationship with Drac in Plan B darkness as much as possible. Since Ho2 has moved in, it looks like she is doing her best to limit his interaction with me from that side, which works perfectly for me. I'm much, much better at not letting his actions or lack of them with the kids bother me. I can control only what happens here. I do all I can to be the best Mom I can and that's all I can do.

DSS got the results of his practice SAT test & scored very well! Am so proud of him! I'm helping him start to look at colleges. I am certain Drac doesn't have any $$ saved for him to attend, but I am hoping that with getting the information going now, they will start to make some sort of financial plan.

I have DSS chauffer me around when he is here to get as many hours as possible towards getting his drivers licence. With my limited time with him, it's going to be quite a while before he hits his 50 hours. In the 1+ year that he's had his permit, Drac has driven with him a whopping 5 times.

Ladbugs is doing great. She likes her new teacher and is doing well. More homework is required this year and things are more challenging. She can do it, but is developing that pre-teen attitude when Mom helps. Eye rolling, huffing & puffing at me! Needless to say, I don't let it go on for long!

Ladybugs had asked to switch bedrooms with me, so we are in that process now. I'm re-doing her bedroom from High School Musical pink,,,,,,,,,,I know, WHY would I do that? LOL! I'm almost finished with the painting. Carpet is ripped up and new is to be installed on Wednesday. My beautiful new cherry bedroom furniture arrives on Friday!! YEAH! I got a great deal on everything. The biggest 'cost' on this project has been the damage to my back!! Have been hurting for over a week, but am sure all will be fine once this project is finished!

Oh, the biggest excitement for me this week? I was fixing the garbage disposal when it leaked & I was knocked on my behind from the electric shock!! Whoo hoo! Talk about a ZING in life! Not especially the kind I am looking for, but am glad it wasn't any stronger!

I need to get going. Have to go buy a mattress and then over the help my BFF at her Mom's house.

I hope everyone is doing well & having a great weekend!

Wow - you've almost been struck by lightening now. Glad you lived through it.

Ladybugs is hitting her teen years, right?

Do you have some pinky-pact strategies planned for when she's being really moody and she's asked you to settle her down to her sweet self?

I planned that with my son and for the most part it worked. He was still moody and sullen sometimes but for the most part he'd talk with me rather than yell at me when I'd pull out my pinky and wrap it around his.

Wow, Bugs! Garbage disposal - what a SHOCKER!!!

I am so glad to see an update from you. Especially one that is so healthy and happy.

Busy? Yes.
Overwhelming? No

I so admire you for sticking by DSS and guiding him through life's obstacles. What an awesome woman you are. Because of YOU, DSS has a higher likelihood of finding a decent woman of his own someday. You rock!

Ahhh, the teenage girl years. What a joy they are. It's pretty amazing, the range of emotions they can go through within moments. Many times in the same hour, I am a hero and a confidante and admirable. Then the wind shifts, the eyes roll, the feet stomp and I am the dumbest, most ignorant, LOSER on the face of the planet. Not that she ever SAYS that, but her body language speaks quite clearly.

I've often been tempted to record her and let her listen to herself and the tone that she uses.

Then in the next few moments, she is squeezing her little teenage bum into the recliner next to me, showing me her fancy fingernail polish work.



We'll make it......... won't we?

Sure we will. OUR moms did.

The new bedroom set sounds absolutely DEVINE! May you find many nights of rest and relaxation in it.

And bless you for the support and assistance you give to your BFF and her mom.

Fox

Please tell me if I need a 2x4 up side my head

OR

were my actions reasonable?

Let's go back in time 2 weeks ago. I get a text from Drac that it was DSS's Homecoming weekend.

NOT.

The Homecoming was THIS weekend. I knew that but avoided pointing out the fact to Drac. I talked to DSS and we were on the same page.

That same week while talking to DSS, I find out he now has a girlfriend. YEAH! He's a shy, not extremely social kid and this is only his second girlfriend EVER. I'm so happy for him!

Although he's a 16 year old boy, he's seen so much of what his Dad has done over the years - - he has very definite ideas on how he wants to have a relationship. Having had 5 different wwomen live in his home in his 16 years, has been tough on him. He said recently that he didn't know when it was ok to care aabout someone, because they always end up leaving.

Drac had a "TALK" with him (DSS relayed to me). DSS says, "I told Dad I'd rather have 10,000 dates with her than to do that one time. I want to get to know her and have a relationship with her. It's not about 'that'."

My gut reaction was to wonder when Drac is going to figure out that DSS is NOT Drac.

By I digress.

So, this weekend is Homecoming and my weekend with DSS. I got a call from DSS earlier this week to talk about the weekend plans. He said, "I was thinking it would be easier for you if I just stay at Dad's. You can come over before the dance to see us and take pictures."

My gut reaction - this 'message' was actually Drac's idea. While a thoughtful kid, this isn't something DSS would have come up with and called me about.

I told him it wouldn't be easier for me, but I appreciated his thoughtfulness. He could get ready here and I'd take him to Drac's for them to have pictures and I'd make arrangements to get pictures with his girlfiend at the school either before or after the dance.

I KNOW that DSS wanted me to be at Drac's to see him & GF and take pictures before the dance. I kNOW he was disappointed that I would not agree to do that. It HURT me thinking that I HURT him. But I just could not bring myself to agree to do this.

The plan apparently was for the girlfriend's parents to bring the girlfirend to Drac's house and the GF parents were taking them to the dance.

Now, I guess I am old fashioned, but isn't it the BOYs responsibility to pick up the girl? This isn't really important, I guess, just an observation.

So I drop off DSS at Dracs with plans to meet the kids after the dance.

As I am driving home, Drac sends picture mail of DSS and his GF. The text message he sent along with it said, "He cares, even if you don't".

WTF??

Seriously?


How is it that he could be so CRUEL??!

Am I wrong here? Should I have called Drac and asked permission to come to his house and wait with them to take pictures?

Should I have sat in the driveway and figured out how to make a totally awkward situation comfortable for everyone?

Drac has always made a HUGE issue of not sending messages through the kids and Drac did not contact me to invite me there for pictures.

Was I wrong?

It just makes me SO angry that he is insinuating I don't care about DSS!