That is what I've been trying to say, thanks for explaining it more. Maybe since you also said it ppl will stop thinking that we are choosing H career over our M. Since that isn't the case.



I know we have our problems. H claims that he loves OC and will always see him as his son but at the same time says he feels like his first born son was stolen from him. I've stated if I had known that I was prego with OC and not HC I would of gotten an abortion (as horrible as some might see that I never wanted to have OM's C, I didn't want a C at 19 yr old either so if I had known I would of got one).
H says that he has let that anger go and that as messed up as it sounds that his A helped him let go.
No we didn't R right the first time we started out right but then just got lazy and stopped. I got fed up with H treating me like crap and using me like a doormat and H never got the help he needed to deal with the A he just pushed it down and let it fester and eat at him making him angrier and angrier.
Now we got to deal with both our A's. Of course I'm having a hard time because H works with OW and sees her daily. H claims to have nothing to do with her but their A was at work during work. I really want to believe him but I can't right now. I have no way to check on his stories, I don't have anyone to watch him and make sure he don't have C with OW and to make sure H is never alone with OW. All I have is what H tells me and how am I expected to believe that? When H found out about my A, OM wasn't around, lived in another state so it's not like H had to deal with the thoughts about me still having C or that I was still seeing OM but I do. Yes H has to deal with OC but so do I. I mean I honestly believed OC was HC. NO that don't make it better, it's still horrible what I did but I've forgiven myself for it. I wish I could change what happen but I can't and I wish that my son was H bio son so very much but I can't change that either. However I will not keep feeling like I should suffer for the rest of my life because of that mistake. I wouldn't change having my son for anything (I'd love to change his dna). I've accepted that life has to move forward and we can't dwell on the past. I know I can forgive H's A because I love him and want to be with him but until he has NC with OW I can't fully begin to start trusting him again. I know I can move forward because I want to be with H and want this M to be what I know it can be. No matter how crazy H drives me I still love him and can't picture my life without him in it. I want so bad to move forward but the daily C with OW is stopping me from being able to and that is what is killing me.

I�m willing to wait until the end of this class for H to transfer but if he isn't able to get one I'm not sure whether I'll be able to wait for a year. I really don't see me being able to. I really would love to be able to verify everything H tells me so I could begin to start trusting him again but that would involved getting a co-working involved and being able to believe that they aren't going to lie to me to help H.

Well giving Marinemom some "out" is not going to help her. I am not telling her to get her husband to give 2 weeks notice and quit the military, even thinking that I don't understand about the military would be a DJ. I DO understand. My bestfriend's husband is military. I also understand that MM COULD have her WH confess to his affair to his superiors and he would get busted down and possibly not have a career in 2 years. She is more worried about him keeping his job than about keeping her marriage.

No CONTACT is MB. telling her that she could save her marriage while there is still continued contact would go against MB. There is no way to get around no contact with MB.

Marinemom, it is your path to take. The path to recovery after an affair is a narrow one and ALL of the steps need to be taken. DrH states all of the time that MB is NOT a la carte where you get to pick which concepts you will and will not use. You have a lot to overcome and this marriage may not be saved. Even when people use MB there is no guarantee. Stick with MB for your BEST chance at saving your marriage. Your choice.

I have one more week until the class is over. His 1stSgt and SgtMaj has told H that they will give him and answer about the tranfer after the class ends. So we'll see in a week. If they wont transfer him then I will have H expose the whole truth to his command. I would rather H work at a fast food joint and have a chance to R than him continue to have daily C with POSOW.

I'm just trying it this way first to see if we can avoid the loss of rank and pay which right now would hurt this family very badly. I'm NOT putting H career first, Im trying to use some tack and avoid any trouble if possible BUT if they won't transfer than the gloves come off and they'll know excatly why "this spouse" wants H to be moved so badly.

I guess we'll see which path I will be taking in a week.

Oh and I've come to a decision about my sister coming to stay with us and you all are right it's not a good idea right now. I've asked friends for their "2 cents" and they agree with you all. There are pros and cons to her coming to stay with us, but I'm not sure if my M can handle the stress it will put on us with bringing my sister and my 2 nephews down here. I want to help but right now money wise and the stress it might put on my M is something I can't afford to chance right now. Besides I strongly disagree with my sis talking to OWH, she is falling for him (over the phone). I told her to stop but don't think she has listened and I don't want that drama brought here.

OK does anyone know of a good gps locator to use that ain't gonna skip around and place H across town when he isn't. I've been using 2 different locators for his phone and for the most part puts him where he is but then other times puts him clear across town. I started using a second one just so I would have 2 working since H was getting upset when I got upset about gps putting him across town instead of at work. The program always puts my phone where I am but it puts H across town sometimes when he is at work. I don't get it. I started using 2 so I could make sure it was the gps but then they both put him there and then one put him one place the other put him someplace other. I'M SO CONFUSED.

I want to begin to trust H again and R our M. H sent me a picture of him in front of the building at work holding another guys phone (for the time) to prove he was at work while the gps put him across town. This is driving me insane. What do I do?

I called his company gysgt today after i drove to H job during my lunch break but couldn't find him or get ahold of him on the phone to verify he was at work. His Gysgt reassured me that he keeps OW on a "very" short leash and does his best to keep them apart and limit any contact as much as possible. OW works directly for Gysgt. Gysgt said that she isn't even at work very much and only there when he needs her and then she is sent home while H is still working. So they aren't hooking up after work and Gysgt is making sure they aren't able to at work. He also told me that he informed OW that he knew about the A and that it better stop or else.

It makes me feel alittle better with the Gysgt watching them both and keeping her close to his side at all times while she is at work. He also told me he was nagging and still fighting the 1stsgt and sgtmaj about getting H transferred with him when he leave after this class ends. I still have my fingers crossed that they let H go after this class but it don't look good. 1stsgt said H is a good marine and don't want to let H go. Gysgt is trying to tell 1stsgt that what good will H be when his family is broken and falls apart due to them being selfish and wanting to keep H there.

One more week and I should get a response about H's transfer or not. Please send all your good wishes and prayers that they let him go. I really need them to so NC can be established.

I've been struggling with whether I should try and contact OWH again or leave it be. OWH got my email but choose not to contact me but instead called OW and asked her. I found this out from OW through a text message she sent H before she was confronted about me knowing. OW was actually texting me since I had H phone but she wasn't aware that I had it since H was with me and I had just confronted him. She stated that OWH got the email from me and then called her. OF course after she was confronted by me she claimed that her H knew about the A but I don't trust her at all so I'm not sure on whether I should bother trying again. OWH has my number since I put it in the email, now he could of put 2 & 2 together since in my email i said that I was H's wife and his wife works with my H and that he needed to call me asap that is was very important. So he might already know but I'm not sure. I have found out where he works and his work number finally since either his facebook account has been deleted or I've been blocked from seeing it (which OW did to me but when I logged onto H account she was still there).

Thoughts? Should I wait to see if H get the transfer first? Since if they don't I'm most likely going to expose fully. I refuse to let daily contact continue if I have a choice. I want to try it tackfully first and see if we can salvage H career but if they refuse to transfer H than it looks like I'll have to "play dirty."

*moved*

Can I bump this to my new name or bump my new name to this one? I changed name because H was reading all my posts and it was causing problems. I would come on here to vent and get everything off my chest since H wouldn't talk to me and then he'd get on here and read everything then get upset over what I said or what others would say.

My new name is Fighting4Family. I want to combine them if I could. Either way is fine just want to go back to just one name since either way H is going to read them regardless so why does it matter anymore.

Don't you think your husband will figure out your new name....now that you just posted it here??

he already did that's why im asking about combining (sorry this is MM) Also SR I see you've posted on DROs thread, DRO is my H) and yes a test was done twice and DS is in fact OC.