I have been married to my H for 4 years going on 5... I am 23 years old. I know we got married to early...We jumped in Blindfolded and obviously without thinking. I love My H very much and I know he loves me.

Our marriage is still very rocky...but slowly starting to smooth out... but last spring he had two one night stands.. what I want to know is can I ever trust this man again? Is there hope for the future..I try to let it go. Ive told him I'd forgive him and I think I have..I just haven't forgotten. The thoughts are always with me, haunting me.

I dont feel I can talk to him about this..actually I know this...he refuses to talk about it because he feels that i am trying to make him feel guilty. How do I let him know that it still hurts me.. .am I suppose to just hold it in? its been 3 months since his last "incident" and thinking about it still rips my heart to shreds..

I haven't told a soul about this..my family already has issues with my husband and I don't want them to think any worse of him. In all he is a good guy and he does everything for me. Maybe I just need someone to talk to about it. I drive myself crazy trying to release this pent up mass of emotion.

Any Advice would be great, or words of wisdom for this naive girl.

You were old enough to make the decision. Sure you were young, but old enough. If you are committed to making this work and learn how to have a happy marriage - then so what if it was 'too early'. If you keep telling yourself you got married 'too early' it's easy to start thinking of it as a bad decision. That kind of thinking can get you into trouble.

You made the decision. Own it.


You are mistaking the feeling of love with the actions of love. Sure you feel love for him. He may even feel love for you - but I assure you your husband has very little clue how to act loving towards you. He has no clue about how to LOVE (the verb) you.

He can feel the feelings all day long. Doesn't mean anything if he doesn't know HOW to love you. How to show you love, protection and care.

Yes his feelings of love are important, but for you to stay with him, he needs to learn how to SHOW that love. THAT is what you must set as the standard of what you will accept.


Yes, you can love this man. You can move on from the horrible crimes he has committed against you and your marriage. You can forgive him and move on from this dark place.

MB can help you do that. It has done it for thousands of couples, many in YOUR situation. Many of the people who have recovered from that are HERE and willing to give you their advice. There are those here now who have walked in your shoes and come out the other side.

I will warn you, however, the path to recovery is STRAIGHT and NARROW. The plans WORK if you FOLLOW them to the letter. You will think somehow your situation is unique or different, somehow the rules wont apply. I assure you, they DO apply.

But recovery is TOUGH. It will take 2-5 years to recover from this. Thats half - to almost as long as you've been married.
You have to consider - is this something you want to go through?

You have no children. This man has already demonstrated horrific behavior. Do you WANT to spend the equivalent of your time married trying to recover from his destructive actions? He's betrayed you in the most intimate way possible, and you've only been married a few years. If he doesn't commit pretty quickly to what it takes to recover, do you REALLY want to throw more years at a problem that may not be fixed?

You have to consider this.

Love isn't the only factor. Your feelings shouldn't be the only factor here.


This is NOT a good sign. He's going to have to get over this attitude.

He SHOULD feel guilty. Adultery is one of the most horrific acts a person can commit. You should NOT hold it in. You WILL feel hurt. The next year is going to be incredibly painful for the both of you. There is nothing he can do about that - but he can make it easier with his willingness to recover.

See sweeping it under the rug and pretending it never happened - that isn't recovery. That is setting you up for more betrayal down the line, and probably when there are innocent children to be hurt on top of it all.

He is going to have to radically change his behavior. He is going to have to become a man worth staying married to you.

There is a lot of advice here. I'd recommend you start reading:

Thread for Newly Betrayed Posters - Read through ALL of that.

Thread on Extraordinary Precautions - Your husband's behavior is going to have to RADICALLY change to ensure this will NEVER happen again. Saying he won't do it again is NOT enough. Unless something changes, if he did it once, he'll do it again. And again. And again.

Honestly, this doesn't look good. Married only 4 years and already 2 adulteries. And things aren't as hard now as they will be, with kids and mortgages and medical bills. Him wanting to sweep it under the rug, you mention nothing of feelings of remorse. Honestly, he has the makings of a serial adulterer.

Were you my daughter, I would tell you to end it. But the choice is yours.




You MUST tell them. It is part of accountability. Your families MUST know. The husbands of the Other Women (if they were married) MUST know. Affairs and adultery happen in secret. The best defense against them is openness.

Also - you will need the support of those who love you.


I assure you - he is NOT a good guy. A good guy doesn't cheat, for ANY reason.

He can become a good guy.

But right now, he's pretty scummy.

He does everything for you - but be faithful, right? Honestly that isn't enough. Every good he does is cancelled out by his betrayals. EVERY good, because he makes no moves towards real change and restitution.

No, he's NOT a good guy. You gotta stop making excuses for him.



Welcome, sorry you're here.

Happened to me. Listen to Vibrissa. Many years of his cheating will kill your soul.

Do everything that you are told to do here, read the info. Do it no matter how much you think your H is different, your love is different, your situation is different. It is not, it is all very typical. Please follow the path and you can avoid more pain later in life.

This is the program that has results, stick with us here.

Sorry you are here, Vib gave you a lot of great advise and I do agree, if your husband is such a great guy then why did he sleep with two other woman??

What I would start doing is checking his email and phone to see if there where others, because I guarantee you if there is two there are more. Start snooping, you will see the REAL husband, install a keylogger on your computer so you know exactly what he is doing on it. I know this is hard to read, but people don't have 2 one night stands and tell their wife and just shove it under the rug, that just gave him the GREEN light to keep going.

When you find out more about your husband adulterous affairs DO NOT confront him YET, get on here and tell us what you found and we will help you what to do next.

Good luck! You will have the best support here!

thank you all for the wake up call. I have been blind to what really is going on. I really had and still don't have clue on how to handle this.

I so sorry you're having to go through this.

Please, do NOT have children yet. If you must sleep with him use 2 forms of birth control.

Next - ABSOLUTELY you MUST get to your doctor and get yourself screened for STDs. Your husband is playing Russian Roulette with your health. He has let every OTHER man those women have slept with into your bed, and into your body. Please get yourself checked out.

I would avoid having sex with him until you are cleared. If you must - use protection.

He will not take care of your body - so you MUST.

Next, do you WANT to go through recovery with this man? Think about this. I know you love him - but is that enough? Other than love, what do you have holding you to him? Are you ready for the trauma this will cause on you for at LEAST the next 2 years?

He has shown you who he is. He has horribly abused you. Do you want to stay with someone like that?

If you want to recover, you must follow Sapphire's snooping advice. You MUST know the extent of his betrayal.

You will have to expose his affairs to your families.

You will have to INSIST on Extraordinary Precautions.

You should INSIST on counseling through the Harleys - they can guide you as they have guided MANY through this course.

Are you up for that?

Is he worth it?

This is Marriage Builders, and while I believe ANY marriage can be saved if both parties work at it - not all marriages are worth saving.

There are other men out there who understand fidelity and love. Men worthy of being Father's to your future children.

You can handle this - you can do this. I promise you can.

Do you want to give this marriage a try at success? No one would blame you if you chose to walk away. He has deeply violated you. It is ok to say you aren't up for recovery.

What do you want to do?