She and WH have been working together around 12 years, but only recently made Director. If I look at WH's change in behaviour, 'It' probably happened in Aus, on a business trip in April this year.

My faith is a mixed bag - I was brought up Anglican, married in non-denominational church ans now practice "Believing in the greater good"
There are rhythms and cycles in life - What goes around, comes around
So, WH's come-uppance will be from the higher power, not me.
I'm just heartbroken for my boys

I'm told by my Attorney, because we are married Anti Naptual Contract, without Accrual.=
What I've paid for, is mine
What he's paid for, is his.

I've paid 80% if the morgage
All the Furniture, in the house
I was always the higher earner, as I ran my own businesses & he was salaried.

I paid for my own horses & pay for their maintenance.
All the dogs (6) I've rescued from shelters & pay for all their food & vets bills.
We've got a husky/wolf
Husky/GSD
Mastiff x 3
Allsorts x 1

So according to the Attorney - I should be OK. Just the property has to be resolved

Can you buy out his 20%? Perhaps the money he took out of the accounts could be "his" 20%? He sounds like the sort who will fight for every dime.

tl

Or whatever the dime equivalent is in your country.

tl

It's hard to know how long they've been crossing boundaries and 'working up' to this A. 12 years is a long time to have daily access to a ho-bag who's willing to ignore her own marital vows and mess with another woman's husband.

Just remember that you will not always feel this bad emotionally and the roller coaster ups and downs do smooth out over time. Your boys are fortunate to have such a strong, wise, loving, pro-active mom and your relationship with them will only continue to strengthen. You and your boys will be fine, and end up better off in the long run. Your WH, on the other hand, has set himself up for a mighty fall.

1st prize would be him signing over as part of the settlement - which I'm hoping will be the case

2nd prize - buying him out.

It's up to the Courts now, and how the Attorneys present the case

But it should be in my favour as being betrayed and disabled

How long? When I listen to his 'tone' on the tape - it's almost polite, not much familiarity as in long relationships. Also alot of 're-assuring', so it looks like OW will be HIGH maintenance, which WH doesn't enjoy. He's into, his space, his, his......

I've just had a chat with my youngest:-
I asked him how he really felt,
'Hurt....I haven't spoken to 'him' properly in 10 days'
'If he let's time go by for you to chill, will you feel better or worse?'
'Worse.... I don't even know if he really cares about us (him & his brother)....the only time he talks to us, is when he wants something.'

'Well, you must know that whatever you decide, I'll support you both 100%, and if you ever need to talk, without judgement, just know you can talk to me'
'I know Mom, I always have'
'I think you should think about going "out"'
'I think it's a bit soon, let me get the legal stuff done & see what's going to happen 1st'

What else do I say?
Does he realise he might have lost his sons?
I can't protect them anymore....or can I?
My youngest made me promise him & his brother I would never 'take him back'

You guys know so much more... what should I do?

If at all possible, life-altering decisions should not be made under stress. This divorce doesn't have to happen with lightening speed.

Preparing well for and being ready for a divorce doesn't mean you have to carry it out, and it doesn't mean you would lose anyone's respect here either if you decided to slow the process down. When the dust settles, despite how many are following the story here or not, we don't have to live your life for you, and neither do your friends and neighbors. Even your sons will be leaving home soon and building lives and relationships of their own.

But if you think your health has just reached a point that trying to recover the marriage would compromise your health further, then far be it from me to try and change your mind.

If you're decided on divorce, I would tell your sons that you just don't believe your health and their financial stability is worth jeopardizing, and please read my previous post and consider what I wrote, DF, about educating yourself and your boys about MB concepts.

I would also inform your children that if they kept anything from you that they might have seen or heard in the past about their father, you are strong and need to hear it so that it doesn't weigh on anyone's mind and fester. The truth is pretty crucial right now, and it will help you all move forward as a team. Tell them this isn't the time to hide any knowledge that they might have had that they kept to themselves to spare you.

An overheard conversation, an email, or even an unexpressed concern, could cause guilt and prevent your kids from starting fresh.

How are you today, DF? Just wondering since we haven't heard from you in a day and a half. Everything okay?

Hi Soolee

Thanks for checking up on me.
I've spent the past 2 days 'quantifying & qualifying' my cash withdrawals for the Attorney to present to the Maintenance Court, as I still don't have any access to money.

We haven't heard from WH directly, that includes my sons.
But the OW soon to be ExH called me to tell me that my WH is paying for 'their' divorce!

Emotionally, I'm actually OK, last nite lying in bed, I thought....
"Be free"
and it was an amazing feeling of release and relief.

My sons are not quite there, but with all the distractions of exams and friends coming around, we are trying to behave as 'normal' as possible.
We've agreed among ourselves, that we will only speak about WH, if there's something legal they need to know, or if they feel like venting.

A very special friend of mine, who lives & trains her horses in Germany, but rides for our country, has invited us to go and visit her. We're trying to co-ordinate school / University and Attorney diaries to see if we can go there for a week.

I just WISH I knew what 'they' are doing - regarding all the Legal Cases, as neither I nor my Attorney have heard ANYTHING

Hi there, DF. I checked in to see if you'd posted an update. Glad you're feeling some of the pressure being taken off. It's hard not to speculate (I'm queen of the What-ifs myself!), but you'll feel even better as time passes and you're able to speculate less. When do you have a court appearance? If nothing else, you should get some concrete information then. Hope you can work out your Germany trip. You could all use a nice break.

tl

Hi tl

Thanks so much.

I had a chat to OW soon to be ExH tonite & he's furious!
Where we live, we have 'house staff' who are either full time or part time.
We'll 'they' had a lady who had worked for 'them' for around 17 years - 2 days a week.
Anyway the lady didn't arrive for work Thursday or again today, so Soon to be EX called his wife's brother, where the lady works on the other days, and said.....'Where's.....'
To be told - 'She doesn't want to work for you anymore and is now working the 2 days for WH & OW'

This is like losing a family member!

So OW is now with my WH, in a new house he paid for, with the money meant for my sons everyday existance and now with house help!

That's a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I got a letter from his Attorney saying - They will revert!

I immediately e-mailed my Attorney & said
'He settles to what I want for me & the boys, or I let the officials/authorities know what he's told me regarding his work place's internal information
So now we'll see how quickly that makes them revert.

I've put on a pound and am eating and exercising, so feel better.
My sons seem OK and are concentrating on their studying for their exams
WH still hasn't contacted either.

But today I called WH's office & spoke to 1 of the sales ladies & said:
'Please could you arrange for a small van to come & collect some of WH's things I found over the weekend'
Everyone there knows me - she said
'Pardon?'
Well. I proceeded to tell her everything - no one knows at the office - and said to her:
'I give you my permission to tell whomever you wish and excuse you of any confidentiality'

Guess how ling their secret will last?

Anyway, I've done all I can in the legal preparation and as much as I can on the Exposure...
So now, I have loads of time to chat to all you wonderful people!

Well done YOU !

I'm reading this book:
He's History, you're not, Surving a divorce after 45

And the Author has this amazing advise;-
Send a letter of Good-bye to your WH

So this is what I wrote:


To WH

You were my best friend.
Despite everything that was missing from our marriage, we were a family, and you cared about me - or I thought you did.

I say Good-bye to:

Sharing my day to day life with someone who cared.

I say Good-bye to:

Walking on eggshells for fear you would blow up at me or the boys.
Your constant criticisim of things like -
My talking to loud
Criticizing the boys eating loudly in the lounge
Or embarrassing you walking with my crutch
Having to turn out the light in the bedroom when you wanted to sleep
Having sex when I didn't feel like it or was in too much pain

Your passive-aggressive way of promising you would do things and then 'forgetting' - meeting with ******** sister to learn how to inject me.
Your need to be taken care of, your inability to do anything yourself.
Your lack of integrity in cheating on me and leaving me for ***** - 17 years younger than you and constantly lying about your affair.


I say Good-bye to the future we were making for us and our boys

I say Good-bye to my future as a married woman - part of a couple. I did enjoy and like being married.

Good-bye to loving you. I needed you, when I was diagnosed with MS and you abandoned me. But, I stood by you and supported you through all your illnesses, supported you and loved you.

I loved you, because you really were my best friend.

That is the worst loss.

I hope that you enjoy your new life and can live with the choices you have made.

*****

A goodbye letter can provide effective closure. I think the end of a marriage is not unlike a death. I imagine it will take a few years to come full circle with it, so I would not rush your feelings. Process them as they come, journal them like this, and let them flow so that you can heal.

IRL names need to be deleted.

Sorry tl
Missed that edit.

I had to ask my Dad to e-,ail it to WH as my e-mail add is still blocked on their server.

Well today, a new 'shock'

I was served with a Protection Order by WH for Harassement, Intimidation and stalking!
On his affidavit he had so many things wrong:
Our Marraige Date!
My Identity Number
The wrong date of him 'living' in the cottage on our land
I told the Police Officer who came here:
How can I 'abuse' him - look at me, I'm disabled, can't walk without a crutch & am 1/2 his size.
On top of that he hasn't allowed for any financial support to me or hus sons'

The Officer was horrified.

Anyway My Protection Order Date is this Friday, when we will inform the Judge that I've had no access to funds since 30th July.

Even though I just want this whole thing over, to go away and Never see Wh again - it just doeasn't.

Why would I stalk him, I wish he would just disappear (after the Settlement and Alimony is agreed)

Well, you poked the sleeping dog with a stick and now the dog is attacking you. Hold your ground, girl!

Now you know what he is made of. You would have never been happy with a man (bully, coward, cheater, creep) like that.

DF--I can't do it right now because the hospice aide is coming soon to give my dad his shower and I want him to eat lunch first...but later today I'll ask the mods to send you a message off-board.

tl

DF-

I hope judges in your country are like the ones around here and they despise those who would try to "game the system" for their own advantage.

Most judges in cases like these have already "seen it all" and they really have very little patience for such shenanigans.

Hang in there!