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..Just got l`il bean circumcised...can`t wait for all the boy-isms to start!  Grats on the DS!! 
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Oh boys are so much fun NP....
and CP...Please refrain from wearing your boxer briefs outside as shorts. I thought when lying in the sun men wore a sock for no tan lines..Mwhahahahahah!!!!!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Speaking of little boy stories, my oldest son was ADD before they added the H to that diagnosis. We have some great stories about him growing up. One my favorites is from his first day at school. I was so worried about him doing well because he was, shall we say, a little rambuctious (sp?).
He came home that afternoon and I asked him (fearfully) how his 1st day of school went and did he mind the teacher.
He said, "Oh yes, mommy, I love school and I minded the teacher."
I let out a sigh of relief.
Then he said, "Everytime she told me to stand in the corner I did!"
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Speaking of little boy stories, my oldest son was ADD before they added the H to that diagnosis. We have some great stories about him growing up. One my favorites is from his first day at school. I was so worried about him doing well because he was, shall we say, a little rambuctious (sp?).
He came home that afternoon and I asked him (fearfully) how his 1st day of school went and did he mind the teacher.
He said, "Oh yes, mommy, I love school and I minded the teacher."
I let out a sigh of relief.
Then he said, "Everytime she told me to stand in the corner I did!" 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Thanx for the levity. Love the stories. These are the memories we will all cherish when we are old and gray. Okay, I may already be gray but that's what DYE is for.  Boys are WONDERFUL. I will keep repeating this for the next 15 years or so. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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"Everytime she told me to stand in the corner I did!" this story.
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You should submit it to the Reader's Digest or sumpin...priceless!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Oh he was always surprising us (he hates! these stories now, lol).
Another one was once when his dad and I were arguing in the morning. I said, "Your attitude really stinks!"
Apparently I said it loud enough for the kids to overhear because that night after all 4 kids were down for the night, my DH and started having another disagreement and suddenly my 7 year old son pipes up from the other room in a sing-song voice, "I smell an attitude!!!"
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I LOVE the things kids say....Just today with my DS and my mother...My moms friend was supposed to go out to lunch with us and for the second week in a row she cancelled....Well when we left the restaurant my DS said to my mother "Well nana, it looks like your imaginary friend didnt show up for lunch again today."....hahahah, me and my mom were dying laughing...
Then we went to the rock store after (DS loves rocks) and DS accidentally dropped a rock on the floor, my mom was standing next to him looking at something else.....and when it dropped my DS immediately shouted "NANA YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL!"...My mother was laughing and said "What do you mean 'NANA' should be more careful?" and DS replied "I couldnt blame mama, she was all the way over there"....We were all laughing all the way home....I love that kid.
Last edited by stillhere8126; 08/10/10 03:44 PM. Reason: dumb
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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My Grand-daughter just finished being potty-trained. I watch her two days a week while my DD works.
She used to want to be left alone when she had to poop,(in her diaper), and would go to her room or tell you to go away when she went.
Well one day I had her at my house. She wanted to play in the kitchen doing whatever she wanted, touching the wrong stuff, basiccally getting into trouble.
At one point she was getting frustrated that Grampa was stopping her from just about everything she wanted to do, I swear I saw a little light bulb go off in her head when she said, "Yes Grampa, I have to poop" as she assumed the pose by grabbing the countertop and leaning over and motioned I should leave the room.
I went along because I know she was embarrassed about it and I couldn't be sure, but I returned often and she was faking. I let it pass for the moment.
When she started to reach for something wrong again a little later she stopped, looked at me, and said she had to poop again. I told her "No, you don't, if you want to poop, it will have to be in the other room, you can't poop in here.
So She says, "But Grampa, I LIKE to poop"
She never did poop that afternoon either. lol
Last edited by ConstantProcess; 08/10/10 05:04 PM.
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PM and SH those stories are priceless, they should be a HI & Lois sunday paper comic.
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We should make a thread with this stuff ...That would definitly cheer me up all the time...I LOVE these stories...
Last edited by stillhere8126; 08/10/10 06:49 PM. Reason: reworded
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Im Game, There are lots of storys from my kids.
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{{{{{{{MB'ers}}}}}}}
I loved reading along to this today. Couldn't participate do to I was following along on my phone when I could...but loved it none-the=less......
{{{{Scottie}}}}}
YOur a gem......
Not
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Sorry for t/jing your thread Scotty....I made a new thread over on "Other Topics" for these great stories...They cheer me up and sometimes we need sum of dat! Funny Kiddie Stories
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Still, as always, I am welcoming TJs. This may be marriage builders but it also LIFE. It might be good for some other posters now and in the future to read these stories and see themselves in it. I am a person, just like everyone else and my life has led me here. I am so THANKFUL that I just want to pay it forward. THAT is the only real way I can help here. Even if I just offer some distraction from the pain sometimes.
Now, back to some MBing. I don't know where else to put it, I don't want to start another thread about this, but I do want it SOMEWHERE.
First, I have had discussions many times about WWs and WHs. There have been times when it has been told to me that WWs have a less chance of coming back after an affair. Is this really true? Do WWs actually not come back more often? I know that we can't just go by what we see here because obviously there are more BWs on the board than BHs. It could be because there are more WHs out there than WWs(although I don't know if I believe that there is a difference in gender for adultery but it is a possibility). It is possible that more BWs will stick around after infidelity than BHs. It could also be that BHs are more reluctant to post and find help on the internet and books and that could be why they aren't here. I don't know the reasons for it, I just know that there are more BWs than BHs.
Second, I read a couple of days ago, a post by MrW(I think) about how Plan B isn't really about saving one's marriage. As a BW, who has been in Plan B for almost 8 months, I was UPSET. DrH suggests that BWs only Plan A for 3-4 weeks and then go into Plan B. He also suggests that BHs Plan A for about 6 months and then go to Plan B. Now, if that means that Plan B is REALLY about PERSONAL recovery than wouldn't that mean that DrH is telling BWs that there is NO CHANCE? I don't remember reading anywhere that DrH believes this to be true.
I know that personal recovery DOES come from Plan B. I know it because I am LIVING it. I also know that I may NEVER recover my marriage. I don't believe that going into Plan B was anything about NOT recovering my marriage though.
I see this comment about Plan B being a cancer that will eat at the fabric of MB itself. I can already see it going into other people's threads. I want a TRUE discussion about it somewhere. I would prefer to NOT get my thread locked though, so I would ask that anyone responding to this do so respectfully and following the MB guidelines.
I know I have a lot to learn still, I am just upset that a comment like that was made and now the thought is spreading around, which may cause some posters to NOT go into Plan B. THIS WILL cause more marriages to NOT survive from infidelity. There have been times when I thought about what DrH was truly discussing in his books and the things on here. I wondered sometimes if maybe he was saying one thing but really only trying to do another. Then I thought about what Faithful Follower would say, (I am paraphrasing it) "Don't let Satan in your head."
Discuss......(respectfully and according to the rules please).
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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An old post on the subject - some of the links are broken, where I could, I added the url's to be sure I've decided to write about some of the basics of Plan B... You may think this odd but I have am still in Plan A but have had a few sessions with Steve Harley about the movement from Plan A to Plan B. Comments here include my discussions with Steve Harley. Many people have been posting on Plan A & Plan B... and I said I'd get back to them on my take on Plan B. I welcome as many comments on other points of view... I am not the expert... you've got to go the Harley's for that! First a few quotes from the book... (#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)) and (#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of SAA) To this end... one needs to note a few important aspects of Plan B... A.Both Plan A and Plan B are a cohesive step of steps that lead down a very narrow path of marital recovery They must work together if Plan A does not work by itself. B.You start Plan B only after some time in Plan A... a normal amount of time in Plan A could/should be about 6 months... but can be as little a nothing to much more than 6 months. C.Plan B can only be as effective as Plan A was in setting up a foundation for the establishing a "safe" environment for the wayward spouse to return! D.That environment must also be "non-threatening", yet "changing" where the wayward can clearly see that there are improvements made in the betrayed's ability to meet the waywards emotional needs. E.Continuing in Plan A is recommended until the wayward ultimately show signs of complete rejection of accepting there have been improvements by the betrayed and/or the betrayed's feelings turn to one of overt anger and resentment! F.Plan B should be put off as long as possible and builds off the benefits derived from Plan A! G.Damaging a good track record of Plan A can be done in as little as one day of Love Busting and what the betrayed remembers is the most recent actions before Plan B! H.Plan B has to have a seamless transition from Plan A, because once the betrayed is in Plan B there is no more laying down a foundation! I.Plan B also should have a time limit... 6 months?... 12 months?... 18 months?... ? years?... it varies. Since most affairs, that do come to an end, normally last about 2 years(more or less)... the duration of Plan B does vary! J.Plan B should start off with a Plan B letter... see in SAA...pages 80-81! (Notes to MB Forum members later..) K.This letter is not a Love Busting letter... but quite the opposite! It is to make clear that love still does exist... but the loving relationship that was to be cultivated in Plan A... will not go on as normal... L.Plan B: Avoid (all) contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended. (page 79 of SAA) M.Plan B is not meant to punish the wayward spouse! But to protect the betrayed... to protect the betrayed spouse's Love Bank for the wayward... so it is not drained below any recoverable state. N.A consequence of this 'no contact' is that it will then put the burden of satisfying ALL(or most) of the wayward's Emotional Needs on the OP! A very hard thing to do, in most situations... O.During the time of Plan B the wayward is to "build" oneself... to work on themselves... to prepare oneself to live without the wayward spouse... and develop tools for good healthy relationships! That includes no Love Busting... since that is an unhealthy action in relationships. P.With children in the picture Plan B, in the full sense of "no contact", is sometimes impossible. Everything possible needs to be done so the children will know they are not being abandoned... contact with them must not be stopped or hindered in any way! Just contact with the spouse. Logistics here are difficult... but should be thought through carefully and creatively. Q.Variations on Plan B are discouraged by the Harley's... those variations tend to weaken the impact intended in Plan B. R.Again... if Plan B fails... the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse and that would allow a less painful subsequent divorce and would permit the pursuit of a new... much healthier relationship. For the moment... I have seen several good examples of Plan B letters.. and I list them here... Sample Plan B letter (see Chris' reply) http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/009414.htmlSample Plan B letter (from PLEASE HELP) http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010065.htmlSample Plan B letter (from Rutger) http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010844.htmlNSR's draft Plan B letter(under construction) (link broken - Lil)(if anyone else would volunteer their letter... please reply) I understand there is a great fear in all of Plan B... What happens if Plan B fails?... It can and does happen... {Distressed}... had just such a post... view it... Is it time to file?! In my normal welcome wagon message I do state... "There is never any guarantee to save all marriages..."... we must be realistic to recognize this. Try as much as we like... we cannot force our waywards to change their minds... we and they are, after all, given free will... Yes, Plan B... is a big step... make sure you understand what you are choosing... seek guidance from the Harley's if you're not sure!!! If you accept Plan B... seek also the support and fellowship of the people on the Forum... you'll need it! I have written a post for Plan A at Plan A - 101. My experiences of Plan A and Plan B, and other's here at the forum, are meant to enlighten not be treated as a replacement for formal counseling. After 2 and a half years of MB, my impression of plan B is that it: 1. Makes the WS find out what life is like without the BS 2. Removes the BS from any more crazy making caused by the WS need for drama 3.Protects the kernel of love the BS has so that if, after the statistically likely break-up of the affair the WS wants to try again, the BS has a little something in reserve, which might make them consider getting on the recovery roller coaster. 4. If the affair breakdown still leaves the WS with a serious case of recto-cranial embedding, the kernel of love the BS has will fade, flicker and die down allowing the BS to turn the '2 year corner' and focus on their new life they have been making for themselves during plan B. Scotty, none of the plans will give you control over the WS, they give you control over YOU. Whether or not the WS changes in a way that leads to recovery is outside of anyone but the WS's control. As far as the WW are less likely to return that the WH, I believe the hypothesis is that a wife will allow her $LB to go further into the red than a husband before deciding to leave, so not only is there no love left, its almost into the deficit level of hate. This makes it a harder road to get a WW on board. Also the WW will typically give her all to her OP, leaving nothing for the BH. WH's seem to be more into cake eating for whatever reason.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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I bumped one of Chrisner's old threads for you.
They called themselves
KILLER BEES
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As far as the WW are less likely to return that the WH, I believe the hypothesis is that a wife will allow her $LB to go further into the red than a husband before deciding to leave, so not only is there no love left, its almost into the deficit level of hate. This makes it a harder road to get a WW on board. Also the WW will typically give her all to her OP, leaving nothing for the BH. WH's seem to be more into cake eating for whatever reason. This is my take on that issue also. The whole post is imformative though, as well as your summary IMO.
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Sometimes when I read about a BS who constantly "keeps checking up" on WS and AP, I think they are masochists!
..ahem!.. I will not name names (on other threads).
It is so very painful to see. I think WHY is this person torturing themselves? Every occurance takes them back to square one.
They swear off, and two days later there is "another stunt".
whoops... this is another one for the "new rant".
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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