We got married in May 2009 and I immediately conceived. My husband *** is having an affair with his youngest brother****wife ****. Both the brothers living together in Delhi. I raised the issue in the family. Nobody believed me and criticized me. I had to stay at my parent's place for about 6 months beginning Sep 2009.

While I was at my parents place,**** SIL and ****WH stayed alone in Delhi for about a month. *****, the younger brother was staying at in-laws place out of Delhi on the pretext of renovating the house there. Later the younger brother and his wife ***** were moved to my in-laws house based out of Delhi. I delivered the baby in Feb 2010 and moved with my husband.

Now they call and sms each other the whole day and night. Also she sends messages to him with a different name. They delete call records and messages so I am not able to catch them red-handed. *****WH goes to my in laws house every Saturday night and returns Sunday night or Monday morning. My husband does not devote time to me and my 6 months daughter at all. He is always on his phone sending messages to her. Whole day he does not call me. He takes things for her and takes her side on family issues. He avoids me taking to in-laws place and insists me to stay at my parents place in Delhi often on one or the other pretext. I have tried my best to attract him towards me, I take care of him but all in vain.

It is second marriage for both of us and I have a 6 months old daughter. What should I do? I am not able to stand this affair. Also it does not seem to reduce as they seem to be emotionally attached as well. Naina has started interferring in our family lives. She knows each and every thing what is happening here. How can I save my marriage?

I am soo sorry that you are here, but this is the best place for you!

Read everything on this thread...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

See if you can download flexispy on his cell phone when he is asleep. Also, I'm not familiar with your part of the world, but do they have private investigators? I would hire one, get proof of the affair, and then expose to his family.

I know you are in a part of the world where the women are not treated that great, but if you empower yourself and demand respect, you can overcome. You need to start looking at private investigators and lawyers to hopefully put your WH in his place. He does this because he can get away with it because you'll just let him. Show him that will no longer be the case.

Also, you may wish to edit out the names of your post - as this is an open forum, any information you use could conceivably be used to identify you - removing your anonymity.

WH is the abbreviation for Wayward Husband.
OW is the abbreviation for Other Woman.
OWH is the abbreviation for Other Woman's husband.
BS is the abbreviation for Betrayed Spouse.

You could refer to your situation with
OW/SIL which is Other Woman/ Sister in Law
OWH/BIL which is Other Woman's Husband/ Brother in Law

Also, glad you're here.

What you need to do right now is spy. You must collect hard proof, because it seems like that might be the only thing that sways your husband's family - and you need them on your side.

Can you hire a Private Investigator?

I second the notion of flexispy on his cell phone. Also a keylogger on his computer, if he uses one.

Thanks to ALL for your useful advise.

1. Basic Concepts: I had read Basic Concepts and applied such things few times. But I am only able to make him happy BUT I am unhappy. For example I did not question him when he did not want me to take to my in-laws place. I even volunteered to stay in Delhi myself , let him go alone and he used to be very happy that time. I have even slept in different room so that he could chat (via sms) with her in the night so that he could be happy. Adi(OWH) is out of station for work in the last week of every month. Those days they keep on smsing/calling whole day and night. In those days my husband tries to be away from home most of the time on one or the other pretext so that he can freely talk to her late nights. Those days he asks me to stay for few days at my parent's place. I call him 2-3 times every day to find out if he is okay, had his food etc. I wake up in the morning at 5 to cook for him and sleep at 12. I never fight with him but within myself I a unhappy. I do not want to tolerate OW in WH's life. It is painful to see him desperate for her call/message. He is so desperate to see her that he has started leaving early from office on every Sat.

2. His Phone: He has seen me checking his phone so he has started deleting call records and messages. And also he seems to have bought another SIM/phone of which I do not know the number. He locks it in his briefcase or almirah. And he is very very intelligent and smart. He is highly alert. He is easily able to hide it from me. Once he hid it in the kitchen somewhere and I could not locate it. I do not know if I can get his phone's past records. I had asked somebody but I was told this is not feasible. If anybody can help me in retrieving past call/sms records it will be useful.

3. Private Investigator: I think they will be not of much use as the OW is a family member. WH need not be followed outside home like where he is going after office etc etc.They get intimate at my in laws home by cleverly reaching a private place. Moreover I think WH has got addicted to talking/messaging to her. Even when he used to watch TV he would constantly check his phone for a new message or a missed call. WH need not be tracked like what is he doing in the office etc etc. Also they take lot of money. Please advise further if I should still hire a private investigator.

4. Spy Software: I had also purchased some Blueware software to catch his call records but unfortunately it did not work on the phone and customer care has not been able to rectify the problem yet.

He thinks as long as you don't get proof, he can deny and gaslight and you will do nothing. You don't need proof to know what is going on. If you want proof to expose, hire a PI. He may not be able to get pictures, but he can get other information possibly like the new cell number and possibly phone records. Also, you wouldn't believe how careless adulterors are. They probably don't want to fool around in the family home, so he probably takes the OW out somewhere.

Also, you could DEMAND access to his cell phone. If he doesn't produce it, you could just rip apart his briefcase. What are the laws in your country? If you want to stop his behavior, you could start the divorce process. How would that affect custody and your living situation? If those are unfavorable to your husband, he may stop his behavior because he doesn't want to lose his children and money. Either way, he will continue to do this as long as YOU ALLOW HIM TO. Take control back from him. Make him be the one worried about losing you. Expose the information that you can obtain.

Thanks Jim. I really need hard proof. Unless there is family pressure they will not stop it.

As per laws I can take divorce. But as of now I am not interested in it as Firstly it will adversely affect my daughter as per the society here. Secondly it is my second marriage.

The laws here are quite strict about cell information, the private investgator said he cant get call records. He can only follow him outside home.

But yes, I understand I need to take control. I am just trying my best to save this marriage.

Bump for Ghochu

You say your OWH/BIL denied it, but what does he suspect now, 6 months later? It seems things have really taken off while you were away, and I'm sure it effects him.

Is there any way possible for your in-laws walking in on them when they are at their house?

It might be possible to grab a SIM card reader and some manager software to undelete his messages, unless the messages are completly wiped from the SIM card. You might want to try it out on your phone first, and test to see how much time it takes. If possible use a friends computer.

The affair phone must be a pain, does OWH/BIL have access to her affair phone?

I would also suggest getting a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR), and hide it in an area that he is most likely going to talk to OW. Maybe hide some web-cams at in-laws house, say it is for security.

Thanks for the idea of reading deleted messages. I just looked in google. There it says about Pro data doctor on "http://www.squidoo.com/recoverdeletedtextmessages". Has anybody used it before. Any success with it?

OWH is a vey simple man. He never looks at OW's phone. I have never observed that when we were together at Delhi.

May be if he has ever looked also then I believe the messages and call logs must have been already deleted like WH.