My SO and I may be split up...I say may be because I really don't know for sure.
His mom is not doing well and he has become her full time caregiver, 24/7. She refuses to meet me and will not allow me in her home, yet she'll accept visits from his ex wife. His daughters are not giving him any relief so he can see me. I got upset with him Friday because I think it's unreasonable to put our relationship on hold indefinitely and his answer is to turn his phone off.
I realize he has a lot on his plate. I also realize the last thing he needs is more "stuff" from me. I realize he can't help that his daughters aren't helping him. But I feel he could stand up to his 73 lb. mother and tell her that if he's going to take care of her 24/7, he needs to let me visit for a while once a week. Is that asking too much? I realize she's formidable (I've heard her over the phone, whew!) and I also realize she has him over the barrel...she holds the title to the home he's lived in for 30 years...he has put so much work into it and he bought it back from the county for her at one point and she promised it to him...and she holds the keys to cutting him out of her will...at our age he doesn't need to start all over again. However, these are all things he allowed to happen.
So right now I don't know if he's taking a break until he can better deal with things...or if this is his lame way of breaking up. Either way, it sucks. This is a guy I've been with for over a year and he's very sweet, very nice, he's really been there for me...but right now he's probably almost over the edge with too much on his plate.

Yup that sucks! It sounds like his mom doesn't want him divorced. His daughters are probably more concerned with their own lives. This is his issue to fix. If he is unwilling, be thankful that you are not married. Everyday we make choices. He is making his choices. What will your choices be?

Well it appears we're done for good. His daughter said he packed up his cellphone as if to return it somewhere...his cellphone was on my plan and still has a year left on the contract, so there is no where to return it, we got it because our talking was eating up my minutes. He has not responded at all to anything I've written or messages...he won't give me that much of a chance. So really there is nothing I can do except try to heal my broken heart. I am in so much inner pain it feels unbearable. And I remember the promises made...promises now broken. And it hurts.

My BF just broke up with me...sent my cellphone back to me Fed Ex at my office with a note. It sucks. I never knew such pain. Is this how he always felt and he didn't have the guts to level with me? This is the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had love once and God took him from me. Maybe my life is just a bad joke.

Sorry, kayc...That does suck...I posted to you because I feel like my life is just a bad joke sometimes too...I think I will probably be alone for the rest of my like. It is unfair..hang in there..you are in my prayers tonite, k?

Okay girls, that is enough of the "my life is meaningless without him" nonsense! I am very sorry that you are heartbroken. But, your lives are far from over.

Do you really want a man that still listens to his mommy instead of standing up for you?

You deserve to be loved, honored, and cherished. Anything less is..... dating. Lol

And... dating sometimes sucks.

So, baby yourself. Be good to yourself. Life will go on and it may get a whole lot better - eventually. I bought a bracelet that I wear. It says, "Dreams become reality one choice at a time". I look at it everyday to remind myself to make choices that are in-line with my dreams. What are your dreams? What can you choose to do to be one step closer today?

kay,

I am sorry that this has happened to you! Have your pity party just don't stay to long!!!!!!

still has given you some awesome advice. Live for you and be the best you that you can be!!! You have the choice to be happy or to allow someone else to be your happiness!

You can do this, stay strong!!!!!

Dawn

Okay, let me clarify why I'm feeling like I am. My husband that I had a GREAT relationship with died over five years ago. I remarried to a man who was a Narcissist and took me for everything he could...I ended up having to file a missing person's report to find out that he was living with OW#2 in our new motorhome. Got out of that and met a wonderful man several months later that I fell in love with. We get along great, don't fight, are comfortable with each other, etc and we have been engaged for a year. His mom and my mom went into the hospital at the same time and my sister is dying. I'm dealing with mental problems and dementia with my mom but Jim has become 24/7 caretaker of his mom. He doesn't feel he can do that and sustain our relationship at the same time. She's down to 73 lbs but doesn't have cancer or anything so who knows how long she will live...esp. since she is now back to eating and caring now that her Jimmy is taking care of her. I just got broke up with in a heartless way yesterday and have not had time to process it let alone get over him. I do not think my life is over, my life is not defined by a man or anyone else. But I hurt. My hopes and dreams were dashed in the blink of an eye and I am grieving. Grieving takes time and effort to get through. I just packed up his stuff last night, slept three hours and dropped it off at his roommate's this morning. I know what I need to do but it will take time and effort and will not be painless...I have been through MUCH pain in my life and you'd think you'd get good at it with all that experience, but nope, each one hurts all in and of itself. I still have to experience the pain, it's part of the grieving process...no way to circumvent it. Only one way to recovery and that is focus and time, lots of it.

{{{{{{{KAYC}}}}}}}}

That is a lot of heartache for a five year period of time. I am sorry that you have had to recovery from so much.

kay,

How is today going for you?

I am bumming myself today, so think that I am going to take a ride in the convertible!!!!! Let my hair fly!!! Something for just me this afternoon!


dawn

Wish I was there, that sounds like fun!

I did okay yesterday until after work, when I got home and let down, I blubbered like a baby. I'm tired of crying, tired of missing sleep, tired of not feeling like eating. I hate adjustments like this, they're painful!

That stage is awful! Just remember that it is a stage. It will pass. I blubbered for months. When I first seperated from my husband, I would be fine while at work or the gym. I cried every night on my ride home. My daughter was living with me and I would stop crying when I got home. I would cry again every night when I went to bed alone.
I have gradually gotten used to being alone and I am not sad or lonely anymore. I am happy with the company that I get during the day at work and am enjoying my quiet time in the evenings.

Tonight there are supposed to be the best meteor showers of the year starting around 10:30 p.m. I'm trying to figure out how I can enjoy them safely since I am staying in a hotel and there are serial killers on the loose. So, for now, I am doing laundry and watching tv.

Oh, Kay. I am so sorry. This stinks

Oh that is right! You are not far from the beauty shop robbery which was probably committed by the fugitives from prison! Be careful!

kay!!


Sounds like you are doing ok!!! I am glad to hear that!!! It does take time, and sometimes we don't want those close to us to see us, messed up and a wreck so keep coming here and venting and posting, we have all been there at some point!!!!

The ride was awesome, am on my own this weekend as Doug went with a buddy to his hometown for a 50th birthday party and lots of golfing!!! So have some chores that have to be done and then will go for another ride!!!!

Take Care,
Dawn

Still Standing, don't risk your life for a meteor shower! Is there a balcony you can view it from? Please be careful! I didn't know you were in such danger!

I live alone so no danger of others watching me cry. I did cry at work when it first happened (okay and throughout the day) but I'm doing pretty good when out and about among others...it's on the drive home (I have a 50 mile commute each way) and any time spent at home that I have a hard time...it's where we shared our time together and even though I packed up and returned all of his stuff to his roommate, there are reminders all over my home...not things I can throw away, the dogs, the truck, the t.v., couch, compute, shoot, even the refrigerator reminds me of him! The park we used to take the dogs to, restaurants we ate at, you know how it goes. Ugh, yes, I hate this stage!

Well, it gets more surreal... The female killer was actually in our store the day before yesterday for a "test" drive. She got agitated when the salesman asked for her driver's license and she left. He didn't realize who she was until we were warned to be extra cautious in our morning meeting yesterday. After he got out of the meeting, he glanced at the newspaper and there she was. He swears it was the same woman with black hair now.

So, I did not watch the meteor shower. I thought about it and just about that time, my best friend calls me and keeps me on the phone for an hour to make sure I am safe. Then her bf tells me the same stuff, "stay in your room. Lock the door. Be a good girl." Lol

Back to Kay, you know the drill. You can't skip over this stage - no matter how much it sucks. You know that, you (eventually) will cry less and for shorter duration and then probably backslide a little. More time will pass and you will go longer without crying. Eventually, you will get better. I went to see the new movie, "Eat, Love, Pray". You might enjoy it right about now. I did. Hang in there.

I am having a really hard time with this. I haven't received a lot of response on my grief site. Does that mean people think this isn't that big a deal? It FEELS like a huge deal to me. This was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with! We talked every day, spent every weekend together, were engaged for a year, he made promises to me, he said he'd never hurt me, he never gave any indication he wanted to break up or wasn't happy with "us". I am shocked to the core and heartbroken! It feels just like a death...only one of his making, one he CHOSE to do to me! In one sense, that's HARDER than death! I have to go to church and not have him sitting there with me like he has for the last year. My routine is turned upside down. I no longer have that person that chopped the kindling and helped me walk the dogs. Everywhere I look in my town are reminders of him, places we drove, places we ate, memories, memories in my home, my vehicles. How do I purge myself of these haunting memories when I am stuck with them? He isn't faced with that, for our memories were in MY home, not his! It all seems so unfair. My trust is shattered, my sense of value of myself is gone. How can I be worth something when the person I was so in love with didn't even value me enough to say goodbye or be honest with me? I am cut off from the family and friends he introduced me to, I will never see his neighbors again, or his roommate's dog, Winston. His daughter April is getting married this week and I can't even send her my wishes or a card...he told me it made his daughters uncomfortable to talk to me...but just the day before they were telling me how much they loved me. I feel so lied to! What do I do with this broken heart? The pain is unbearable. I can't sleep, I have to force myself to eat because of my Diabetes, but I don't feel like it. I feel like I've lost my purpose and meaning in life. Everywhere I look, people are busy with their own lives, my kids don't have time for me, people don't want to hear about loss, it's uncomfortable. But it's consuming and it hurts. What do I do with it? I try to keep busy, try to get out and see people, but at the day's end, I'm alone with my thoughts and my pain. I just don't understand any of this. God, when will it quit hurting like this?

Still Standing,
I'm glad you didn't put your life at risk. It sounds eerie to me the thought of a killer on the loose, how awful! I'm in the country and it feels safe, but stuff like that can really happen anywhere. I work in the same town where that kid, Kip Kinkle, shot his parents and all the kids & faculty at Thurston High School a few years ago. We never thought anything would happen in that sleepy little town. It's also the same town where Diane Downs shot her three children, killing one of them and blamed it on a fictitious "shaggy haired stranger", just so she could be free to be with her lover. I live in the town where Brandon Hall bludgeoned an old lady to death...he was a kid my kids grew up with, he attended the same Sunday School and youth group as them. His dad used to come into my office to buy lumber and he dated the daughter of one of my coworkers. None of us are exempt from stuff like this.