NP we know you can do this! You are a strong woman that has EVERYTHING going for her....

You have beautiful children
You have wonderful friends and family that support you as well as us
You have a life with out this man being a toxic to you and your children and have a HEALTHY life.

Your young enough to finally find someone that will love you, cherish every minute to be with you, and respect you.

We know you can do this! If there is anytime where you feel sad and you start missing your husband, come on MB and vent don't pick up that phone to call him!

WE love you!

Good job on hanging up the phone and not letting him talk to you. Just build off that strength to do just that. I know you are hurting, but you have got to resist the temptation of breaking down the plan that you have spent months and months preparing for.

You can fantasize that he is pining for you as much as you are for him, but it might not be true. Best thing to do is not fantasize about him in any way. Don't think of him as a knight in shining armor, or an evil troll. Just don't think of him.

Right now it is time to focus on you, and lick your wounds. You have a great opportunity to get in shape physically, mentally, and spiritually. There is no one there to make you feel like you did a week ago. You are a new independant person that has every opportunity in the world to improve herself.

Put your alien WH out of your mind and make a plan to heal yourself.

What is it that you would like to do?

((((NP))))

I'm glad you took my last post constructively. I hope you know that I'm trying to help you. Some time it's with some comfort and other times it's with a stick. But, everybody here wants to help you.

Great job hanging up that phone! You are in Plan B now so you have to have NC with POSWH!

If you start to vere off course just think of your precious children and how POSWH has disrespected them! How could any man do this to his children? What would you think of any other man doing this if you were an outside observer? Use that anger to fuel your resolve to do a strong Plan B!

It will get easier over time. Hang in there. You can do this.

This place is freakin awesome!!

Wheels, I know I'm supposed to be not thinking about it. But it's constantly on my mind. Had a long talk with OW H and last night my MIL this morning and it made me feel a bit better. OWH said to me that it's really easy to be happy on a weekend getaway or a little secret trip here and there, but when they actually spend real time together, it won't last. It's true. And MIL is absolutely sickened by it all - she is very supportive. AND the best thing, is that she ended up telling his brother all about it, which I hadn't done before because she asked me not to.

Anyway, just keeping on going. Have an invite to a bbq on Friday, and going to see Black Eyed Peas on Sunday. Have an invite out to a cabin for next weekend so I'm going to do my best to just have my time OCCUPIED.

Wheels - as for what I'd like to do? I don't know yet. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I just don't know. I still feel like the rug was pulled out from under my world. Slowly getting back on my feet, but for now all I can do is just focus on my children and the rest of my life, leaning on friends and family and YOU GUYS!

GOOD JOB!

NP, you don't have to make hard and fast decisions right now. Just continue to stay dark(and work on getting better at it) and focus on your children and yourself.

Living life will help you. Try to just be in the moment. There are going to be lots of moments when this sitch will creep in. Just get through it and KNOW that there is something better on the other side.

(((((NP))))))

Also, you should really stop talking to OWH now. Plan B remember?

Its sometimes mind numbing at how quickly the rug is pulled out from underneath our feet. But it has been. He is speeding like an out of control train wreck.

A speeding train wreck that you can not stop; I have found that the best place to be is out of the way of the wreck and out of the way of the falling debris.

You can not stop this, you can only control yourself; protect yourself and those beautiful babies from the chaos and the debris.

Who knows what the future holds; right now just let yourself grieve for what has been lost, find a little peace, enjoy your time with your children, and simply breathe.....one breath at a time; one foot in front of the other - one foot (sometimes a toe) at a time.

You have already shown how strong you are, you know you deserve better than this.

I also realize that knowledge doesn't make it any easier. All the BS here understand what you are going through. Many of us still going through it; and as sad as I am everyday....I am also grateful and glad that I am shielded from the chaos and day to day pain of the cruelty they inflict.

You will to.


Hang in there, it does get better. Just come here and vent.

I wish I had done this while I was still working. I have way too much time on my hands now to sit and think about him and about our marriage.

Did I mention I found out innocently from DD the other day that WH was an active wayturd when our son was born, not recovering as I thought? Sometimes I want to cut his balls off.

I write letters to him in my head, angry ones and sad ones and just plain pathetic ones. I also write to OW in my head and tell her what I think of her. Sometimes I wish I could just look her in the eye and MAKE HER SEE what she's done and what he's done to their families.

I actually called Dr Laura today, who I really admire. I've very rarely heard her give bad advice. She tore me a new one and didn't even let me get past the part of HIS problems in our marriage so I could say, "HE HAD AN AFFAIR." It was not as helpful as I'd hoped.

NP, with Dr. Laura you need to start with what you called about. You called about your H's affair. That is what you should have stated to her and her screener. Sorry she ripped into you. (((NP)))

{{{NP}}}

Time is a difficult thing; I was about 3 weeks off of work - from ending my previous job and starting my new one. I spent all day on here, trying to get information from anyone I could, crying, you name it. The excess time was not my friend. Although I am not sure you could have told me that then.Many MBer's kept telling me to try and do something with my free time.

All I can tell you is that this stuff is definitely easier to deal with when you are to busy to let yourself be reminded every minute of the mess that has been dumped on you.

Try to find some projects, I got into a great workout routine which I continue still. Re-decorate - that is always fun, or maybe try some volunteer work. The busier you are - the easier the days are to deal with. I'm sure those wonderful children also keep you hopping.

As for the letters you are writing in your head, actually write the letters out - then burn them. This may help you acknowledge and understand some of your feelings; if you don't want to burn them, then try keeping a journal. That may help give you some perspective into your own feelings.

Your feelings are normal and you are doing great. Keep hanging in there; remember one day at a time, one foot at a time.

And keep coming here to vent, there are people here to listen.

here is an exercsize they in some colledges about anger, Its kinda off but it has a point.

Write the letters, put them in a backpack with a big heavy book, and carry it everywhare you go all the time when you are awake for a week.

After the week is over, you take off the backpack and burn the list. It feels good when the weight of anger is removed from your back. Your anger is righteuos yes, but it takes up your time that you could be revenging the A by living well for yourself.

Your letter Idea reminded me of that

Just checking in NP, making sure your doing OK

Thanks mysmissy.

Today was an okay day - or as okay as it could be. I took the kids and dog for a long walk, tidied the house (again), read a lot of email....it was okay. I think I might be out of tears to cry, for today at least...

My MIL calls to check up on me. She is furious and says he is not behaving like a gentleman. She is disgusted with him. They are not speaking right now so I don't feel bad telling her what's going on in my life. For all I complained about her annoying nuances before, she is really being fantastic now.

I don't let myself think about him. It's too hard. I can't let myself think of it right now or I can't breathe. This is darn hard. I stopped wearing my wedding ring. I never noticed how much I played with it before until it's not there now.

Is it time for a NP-POWER ring? Did you read about that on my thread? When I finally took my wedding ring off(I think it was about 1 month ago or so). You can do something that will be a ring of another meaning.

So, whatcha think?

BTW, I AM SUPER HAPPY THAT YOU DIDN'T OPEN THE CURTAIN AND CALL WH. I was reading and my stomach was turning as I was thinking that you may have called. Just keep super dark.

You will find that there are times you are going to cry again. You can do this. You ARE doing this.

Yeah she is doing good, Glad MIL is a stand up gal when it comes to this.

It will get better

Your hanging tough NP; keep it up. It does get better.

Start looking for a super pretty ring that makes you look down and go - "Damn, I am fabulous" .

I have been in plan B for 4 months now - I still cannot believe that; I have finally managed to go completely dark in the last couple of weeks - my point is that I still cry almost everyday, not for very long; but I still have enough sadness that I tear up at least once or twice a day.
But that is still better than the crap WH was trying to shove down my throat when we were still in the house together. The way this D is dragging out (on his side, not mine) I think we would have still been in the house together had I not walked out. And that would have been a suffocating atmosphere of chaos, lies, and drama. No thanks

He is a Cakeater.

No matter what, this is still a hard process to go through and heal from. I think I read on here 2 years. I have had people tell me to start trying to meet someone new, I can't even stomach that thought. I just want to give myself the time to grieve, find myself, and figure out what the next chapter of my life might be.

So, all of that being said, stay strong, one foot in front of the other; you can do this and you are doing this.

Hugs

My finger still feels all weird without my wedding ring. I have a tan line from it and it hurts every time I look at my hand.

I think about WH constantly. I try not to but he's always there in the back of my mind. Had a really bad moment last night but I made myself stop crying. Instead I went and got out the laundry to fold and watched a news show that we used to enjoy together. I didn't let myself cry but I kept forgetting and thinking, "Oh hey, WH would love that!" and wanting to talk to him.

Time goes by quickly. I can't believe it's been a week already. I haven't heard a thing from him.....I know I'm not supposed to be but I keep wondering why he isn't trying. Well, scratch that, I know why. But I keep hoping he WILL, even if I don't answer.

He was the KING of Cake eaters. I should be glad to be out of that but I just miss him.

Going to my best friend's house for a bbq tonight. It'll be my first social event without him....

Have a good time, enjoy being with your friends, and just be honest when asked about the sitch.
"I am trying to heal, I don't want to think about it right now, and thanks for understanding and being my friend".
Thats all you have to say. Enjoy being around other people, its good once in a while.
Hugs and I will keep thinking of you with good thoughts.

NP, you are completely NORMAL in constantly thinking about him. Remember, you are going to go through your own withdrawal. I remember those feelings all too well. I remember being on the verge of tears while I was at work, because I would see a shirt/pants/shorts/etc that WH would LOVE. It still comes up every now and then, but it is a lot less often than before.

I know you wanted your WH to try to contact you again, thing is, he already did this once before. He has already done the beginning of Plan B thing and he didn't like it. Now, he knows what will happen in a couple of weeks. It is NO measure on if he is going to come home or not. We can't know that. ALL WE CAN KNOW IS, "YOU WILL BE OKAY."

Hope you have a good time at the BBQ. I know how difficult it is to go to social events and me by yourself. Especially when you look around and see other people who are in love. Even seeing a couple with children, I think about how that used to be me. You're not alone though. We are all there with you. (((((NP)))))