|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
all she wanted to do was vent a little as she stated in her post...and considering what she's going through medically, I say she's warranted that instead of being beat up on...
jess is right, first and foremost is her health...getting through and defeating this illness, which will at times consume her life...I pray her husband has seen this and is an eye-opener and has decided to dedicate his life to hers. mranderson, please take another look at jess's own words in the first post: Some days I think it might have been easier to just walk away then to deal with all the emotional turmoil that goes with recovery from an affair....
I guess I have to focus on my health and forget about the affair for awhile, I will try to continue keeping my marriage in a better place but it's getting harder to focused, some days I just have a bit of the thinking it's a lot of work and I just want to rest.........sometimes I wonder why God gives you so much to deal with The thing is...I have dealt with a H who was working with OW. This went on for a little over a month. This caused me an enormous amount of stress and anxiety. I didn't sleep well, I cried and I thought about OW and the A constantly. In short, it was an absolute nightmare. Jess, I don't think this is something you can vent away or positive support will make easier for you. You are being constantly triggered and will remain in a "betrayed" state. I agree with Mel that this is probably taking a toll on your health. It may be best to move to Plan B sooner rather than later. **hugs**
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820 |
Well, I have listened and I have ask my husband to have no more contact with the OW, I said to him that I can't heal until she no longer works with my husband....I told him that it was just to difficult for me, I dont' want to spend my days wondering what is going on at work......He swore up and down that they aren't speaking at all and that he is committed to me and our marriage......
I said to him that he wasn't listening to what I was saying, that I needed her to leave her job or he would have to leave our home and move on with the separation agreement we have in place now......He cried and didn't know what to say.......I ask him to think about it for a day and give me his answer....he would have to give her notice and pay her some kind of severance pay to end the employment contract with her......
I honestly believe what you all have told me and I do worry about the contact and something starting up again.....
My health issues were happening before the affair happened, yes he had a affair while I was on a chemo drug.....but now since I don't look as good I think my self esteem is taking a beating.....
It's a hard place to be but I need to be # 1 right now with him, if he can't be that then I think going it alone might be easier for me, no expections, no disappointments........It's sad after all these years that he has chosen this path, I know he doesn't want the marriage to end......but he has left me in a very difficult position......I do love him......but at what price........
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
....he would have to give her notice and pay her some kind of severance pay to end the employment contract with her...... Good job! That would be perfectly acceptable if he fires her. He needs to do that pronto. Jess, you need that skank out of your life completely so you can devote all your energy to your health and your marriage. There is absolutely no reason for him to keep her there. No excuse whatsoever.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879 |
 GOOD JOB!! I am soo happy that you are finally putting your feet down!  GOOD FOR YOU!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
{{{{jessi}}}} Good for you.
Just be prepared for him to come back to you to try to negotiate more time before he has to fire her (with some kind of story about why)...to see if he can push on your boundaries.
Please take care of yourself and keep posting. Hang in there!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
1,320
guests, and
100
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
