My husband had an affair last year and he moved in with his mistress for 3 months. It has been over a year and a year since he has been home. Our communication is great, we are back going to church, he changed all his email addresses, phone numbers, I have access to everything and he does everything to ensure me that it was the biggest mistake of his life. The problem is that during him being away the woman would email me and send me texts about their sexual activity and oral sex. Our sex life was always spontaneous and I was a very sexual and experimental person before the affair. My problem is- that anything she said that they did- I can't bring myself to do - - - which leaves us to boring missionary sex which neither one of us truly enjoy. I just cant do anything else without feeling like i am being compared even though he insists that the sex was not that great with her. please help- our marriage is better than ever now other that the sex I just hate it.

Have you talked to him about this? Does he know exactly how you feel? If not then I suggest you have a LONG conversation about how you feel having sex with him knowing he did the same thing with this POSOW

I recommend you "take back" your sex life. You may need to detach a bit at first but by doing this you can create new and BETTER memories with him. BTW, as a former wayward let me reassure you that he is probably telling the truth about it not being so good with her. Married sex is the best IMHO.

Whatever he did with her you did with him first so it was you she was copying not the other way round.

for a long time after my H A i felt there 3 in a bed hated anything he did with her repeated on me including the things i really enjoyed, and their encounters were horrific, not just bad Sex but really really bad sex. I just kept thinking he was with me now and thats all that mattered. OW is not with us and he is turned on so it must be me and its our time.

I know this might sound horrific but when you think of them having sex compare it to chimps having sex, there is no emotion, its just a phisical act animals do, when he is with you there are emotions and they are more real than anything he had while fogged up.

Good luck and most of all help him help you by telling him how you feel.

Let it rest for a while. Talk about it. Meditate on it.

You have been through a traumatic experience. Your wounds haven't healed yet.

What you need more than anything is time and healing.. and patience..

gettingpastit,

The OW sent you those details to destroy you and your M.

Don't let her have that power over you and your H.

I agree with faithful follower that you need to take back your sex life with your H.

Believe him when he tells you it was not so good with OW.

Affair partners lie. This woman was probably lying about some of this stuff.

Does your H know about the emails and texts she sent?

Your H wants YOU. You are letting the OW win if you are limiting your sex life and you need to take that back.

You are WORTHY! You can do this.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Obviously this woman was just inserting her voodoo needles into you with her taunting emails.

Remember: very few affairs are ever strictly just about "the sex". The sex just goes along with the other stuff (EN needs being met)

However, I would caution against putting a simple bandaid on your fears and anxieties by rationalizing and using the "the sex wasnt THAT good with the affair partner"-mantra. Chances are high that the sex was probably at least "pretty good". I know this may seem harsh and counter-productive to your peace of mind. But the WS will always try to minimize and downplay the sex experiences, so as not to cause more hurt. This is human nature. You can accept that explanation, but your underlying apprehensions and fears will likely remain...and that's because the explanation you've received may not be entirely forthcoming. I think it's better to accept the full monty-- that the sex was likely fairly steamy and at the very least "decent", or else he wouldn't have gone back. Very few people(especially men) ever have BAD sex. And those few that do, are very reluctant to go back to that. This admission may sting and cause more pain, but at least you can move forward and continue healing with THAT blunt acknowledgement.

EDIT /ADD:
On the flipside, do not allow the swirling dung heap of an affair (which is based on lies and deception) to eclipse the mountain of good memories and intimate exchanges that your marriage has brought both of you.

The specific mechanics of sexuality can be experienced by anyone, anytime... and even in their most exotic forms, they are fairly empty and in and of themselves meaningless. However, the peace, sense of well-being, contentment and joy that resound from true marital intimacy can NOT be replicated in any affair. Cling to that.