I'd like to hear how others coped with anxiety and stress during the prospect of separation with a WS.

I find the feelings I've had over the past two weeks to be extremely uncomfortable, with little relief. I liken it to the uncertainty and anxiety one has when facing the prospect of a very negative health report. It's almost impossible to find peace, with the fear of the unknown, butterflies in your stomach and worse case scenarios flipping over and over in your mind. All the while you are hoping, praying and wishing for a good outcome.

How did YOU survive those weeks and months?

Have any of you experienced this overwhelming sadness and anxiety?

What brought YOU relief?

Jack Daniels. By the barrels. Sad but true. I got hammered at night because the pain was too much to bear. Despite warning about alcohol being a depressant, it never depressed me. Then again I am the type who gets affectionate and happy when drinking, so I wouldn't suggest it for someone who gets angry or down on themselves when drinking. It got me through the night on more nights than I can count. It allowed me to sleep soundly too, which is CRITICAL when your body is worn down from stress.

Am I prescribing alcohol? Why not. If you can handle it, and you won't abuse it, and you're not predisposed to alcoholism, why not have a glass of wine or two at night to help you calm down and take the edge of that anxiety and stress? Of course your mileage may vary, but I am thankful I was able to knock back a few stiff drinks at night when I was at my lowest point.

Just telling it honestly

Oh, and pray. Pray and read the Bible. Pray for wisdom. Seek and ye shall find

Blessings

Sure alcohol takes the edge off for a short period of time, but when you wake up the next morning... everything is still the same and the pain comes right back. Got to be a better way to deal.

Treadwell... I am right there with you. Having all the same feelings right now. I come here alot just to read and share. That helps me some. Great people on here to talk to as well. I do not know what will cure the pain in the short term, but time has always worked in the past.

I pray for the best for you as well as for myself and others that our here going through the same situation.

Alcohol is a terrible solution that wears down your defenses and makes you mentally weak. It takes off any edge you need to fight a war because it anesthesizes the part of your brain that controls logic.

The best solution I found was exercise. I threw myself into exercise every night and for that one hour I was removed from the constant trauma. It also helped me handle the stress and got me in the best physical shape of my life.

p.s. that is how alcoholics became alcoholics: by hiding out in a bottle when the going gets tough. Once you set up that bad habit, you are a goner.

Agree with Melody. I still have my bouts with a glass or 2 or 3 of wine and I find myself only with the same or worse feelings the next day. It did help me sleep in the beginning but excercise works much better. It's a natural sleep not an alchohol induced one. I still wake up with the sitch on my mind every morning but at least my breath smells better. Don't use alchohol as a crutch. It only keeps you in the pain and prevents you from moving forward.

I agree, who would EVER use alcohol to help depression?? That is an oxy moron sorry! Alcohol never fixes any type of depression, it only makes it worse! So mountainclimber next time someone needs help with depression DO NOT POST to help!

Exercise is a very good remedy.

You can also see your doc and get a prescription for anti-depressants. Sometimes that is about all that will truly kill the pain enough to let your function. Make an appointment today, explain to them exactly what is going on, and let them help you.

good luck.

-Exercise
-Set goals and work on them daily
-Find something to laugh about. Laughter, even through tears (Steel Magnolias) is sooooo helpful in bringing your spirits up
-If something upsets you (music, TV show, book, article) turn it off, put it down and find something positive to do.
-DO NOT ALLOW THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TO PREVAIL...you have control over your thoughts and feelings. Learn about ways to stop the stinkin thinkin.

Agree, exercise (I run a lot), find a hobby (I prefer golfing), and I have increased the amount of time I spend with my children. They are the best source of pride and every second spent with them is fun!!!

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Mountainclimber, thanks for your blunt and honest input. As someone who typically has a glass of scotch three nights a week (usually weekends) I can appreciate the personal experiences.

The general rule for myself and alcohol, is that I never drink if I'm depressed, sad or angry. I drink only to celebrate the good, not forget the bad. Again this is merely a personal boundary for ME, and I maintain it because even though scotch puts me in a happy frame of mind, if I'm bummed out I can quickly become a quivering pile of tears. No bueno.

As a result, I haven't had any alcohol in three weeks. I've lost about 10-12lbs (i'm fairly lean to begin with-- 6'4", and now about 195) and my daily runs (almost 4 miles) have tapered off because I just dont have the energy.

Doing things with the kids has been a help. Although I took them to see a movie this week, and couldn't concentrate on a damn thing.

Oddly, I've been sleeping fine. It's the gaps in between that suck!

Treadwell, sorry for your anxiety.

I was overwhelmed when my XH moved and had many sleepless nights and just in shell shock during the day. Could not focus at all.

What truly helped me was Yoga. I wandered into the gym here out of an act of desperation to keep myself busy and walked into a yoga class. It was mentally, spiritually and physically uplifting.

I was not much of an exercise person but now go to the gym 3-5 times a week taking a yoga class 2x a week.

I also get a little bit of help from my friends -- Good MBers that have become lifelong friends.

Thanks Hope.

I think what's killing me is the uncertainty. I simply have no idea which way this scenario is going to turn. We've had two meetings with Steve Harley in the past week. She was adamant about leaving and firmly believing there's no way to make this work. Two nights ago she modified this and said, now she doesn't know what she wants to do. She's more in the middle now, obviously. An ever so slight turn in the right direction-- at least compared to her previous position.

I think when you have someone that leaves the house and begins divorce proceedings, you can at least begin the grieving process and start to let go emotionally. Back to the "test results" analogy-- at least if you find out you've got cancer and it's terminal, you can KNOW what you're facing and live the remainder of your days the way you want. (sorry if the analogy is a bit extreme) Right now I feel like I go to the doctor for test results and he says "We dont know how this is going to turn out... come back next week and maybe we'll know something..." Then you go back the next week and he says the same thing. That kind of deferred hope can kill a man! (Proverbs 13:12)

Steve Harley has been wonderful and very encouraging to stay with The Plan, no matter how bleak. I'm doing a pretty good job outwardly. Inwardly, I'm a wreck.

Even right now, my guts are churning. I've also found that emotionally between 7am and about 4pm are my worst times. In the evening I sorta rebound and start to feel more at peace. Last week and early this week I had a team of people praying for me before our counseling sessions, and I actually felt a marked difference in my level of anxiety and fear during that time. It was very, very cool.

Yoga sounds like a good idea too.

Treadwell, I am in the same boat as you. The ups and downs are the killer. I think Divorce is good, then a wrench gets thrown in. I think my wife wants to end the affair, then she pulls an all nighter. I did get some meds from a Doc, but they dont seem to help alot, at least yet. I exercise, and it helps for that hour, but then I am back in my head. I cant watch TV any more, as I see a loving couple, or hear a story of an affair, and I get anxiety. Nothing I enjoyed is enjoyable any longer. I love my kids dearly, but hard to be loving when I am feeling like this. They see my anxiety, and thats not of any help to their dealing with things. I know it will end eventually. I have known people that say it seems like it will last forever then one day you just start feeling better. I pray that day arrives soon. Not alot more I can take of this. Cried more in the last 2 months than probably my entire life, if not my entire adult life. I was always a person that bottled his emotions, and yet, now, I have no control of them. Uggg is the only thing I can say.

I hear ya, KlondikeJ!

The good news for me is that yesterday morning I uncovered my wife's Friday night fling with a 24-year old bar hookup. I told her to pack her stuff and get out. No more working on things, no more chances (this is her 2nd PE in three years)

I took my wedding ring off last night. How do I feel??? About 80% better!!! Anxiety in my situation came from believing in a fantasy--- that she was basically a good person and that we would grow old together and be in love.

Once the door was shut on that fantasy, I found my anxiety levels plummet. My only issues now are how things are going to pan out with the kids and the logistics of divorce.

My appetite is back. I tore into a juicy fajita last night like a wild hyena.

Things can change!!! The uncertainty is the worst part. Remove that component and the shackles will fall off.