A friend of mine is having issues in his marriage. He wants his marriage, but his spouse over time was committing a lot of love-busters but so was he. She at one point said offhand how she was going to do something with another man. He said no, what are you thinking. This man lives in her hometown. After a few months she made a big deal of him standing up for himself after he'd gotten help to gain his self worth from counseling.

She wouldn't work, wouldn't clean, wouldn't cook, wouldn't do anything constructive. She was mean to him, disrespectful and lovebusting. In a huff she bought a plain ticket and left for her home state leaving him to their apartment. She is pregnant and is pretty far along now. She keeps going back and forth on him, one month saying absolutely not in love, to not wanting to divorce, to she needs time.

While she is away, he decided it was done. She claimed she was going to divorce and he hung up his heart when after about a month she returns no calls, e-mails, or texts. Along comes a girl and he gets head over heals for her in a couple dates and sleeps with her. That turned into him being the girls trophy lay and she moved on leaving him hurt. He then told his spouse what happened in an effort to be honest when she immediately after his actions, said she wanted the relationship.

He started up his heart again and got burned now once more as she is hurting him again. He told her he's going to divorce, made plans with a lawyer, but she again said she'd never divorce him that she wants to fix this.

And the rollercoaster begins again:
Now she is blaming him further for her "hurt" and the distress their marriage is in. Now, she calls him an adulterer, which we all agree is true but in his case he was done. It wasn't a revenge thing, it just was a hurt guy. I know him well, so I can say that. Now he understands it was a mistake.

She keeps saying she can't be apart of his life the way she was, but she cares about him. She in her communications acts as if she's the most amazing hard working responsible person in the world and her words are condescendingly about "keep improving yourself" as if he needed too.

The truth is my friend has come a long way in knowing himself, but he won't see that the flags are there that she's having an affair and sticking it to him.

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What I keep thinking is that she's on the fence when her "guy" over there gets distant and every time she starts coming back she gets distant again because the guy is interesting her and she's getting her cake and eating it too emotionally from my friend this way. Every time my friend shows his interest she pushes him away so as not to commit, but when he wants to leave the relationship she reels him back in.


Folks, give your advice to my friend as he won't post and I'm trying to help him see the probable light even though I wish this were not the case.

I would say that your friend could probably solve his question easily enough. When the baby is born, demand a paternity test.

Or, tell the wifey that he won't be able to be at the hospital, she's on her own. Unannounced, show up. The other man will be there. After all, who's the daddy? Or, who's she counting on, anyway?

SB

All over this!!

He needs to get his balls back from this toxic lady and divorce her, and get a paternity test! Sorry to be harsh, but who really stay's in an abusive relationship like that for so long? Don't tell me "LOVE" what needs is she meeting for your friend? NOTHING!

Tell him to get on so we can help him.

Has he snooped? To get any evidence that she has been cheating on him since the day she left?