You don't have to let her know about your keylogger, if she insists on knowing how you know, you can just say OMW told you.

Awesome, I'll check this out and as you say, think clearly and strategize to see if there is any benefit to this.

Funny, that is exaclty the strategy I was thinking of using. I think it is a sound one. I am going to wait till I get llegal advice (two days from now)before I do more confrontation to the WW. That way if she counters with legal threats I can say, sorry been there and I know what my rights are.

Love this. Will do my best to stick with it.
Did I mention the OMW seems like she will be my ally? Interesting. Also she told me her and the OM are not in a good financial situation right now. I like this as when or if my wife runs off to have her fantasy life with him she will find no money from me, meaning she will haev to work more, maybe even support this loser, which then means she will hardly be able to see our son. Guess who then gets to see him? Me!

Yes, OMW is your best ally. That's one of the reasons we recommend that the BS tells the other BS. You can compare notes while you each watch your spouse.

FYI: Whatever you do, DON'T move out of your home!

If she wants out, SHE moves. And she leaves w/o your child. The child stays in the family home.

If you move out the courts will look at it as abandonment. You NEED to stay put, in case you end up in a D.

Good news about OM's financial difficulties. That ought to put a cramp in their A.

The best thing you can do is make OM's life he11 as long as he pursues your WW. Make his life he11 (this is the point that ML usually posts the Tombstone clip). I'd go over and visit him with a friend (to keep anything from happening, and let him know to back the **** off of your WW or else. Then you expose to his family, friends, everyone he knows on facebook, etc. You basically make WW no longer worth the hassle. He can go pursue someone else who doesn't have a crazy husband that will make his life he11. Men are often like big cats in Africa. They will go after the wounded or baby gazelle, the easy pray. A woman that is unhappy in her marriage is easy prey. However, if the husband gets in the way, the OM will abandon they prey to avoid a potentially dangerous confrontation (with the hyena) and will look for something else.

FYI: Whatever you do, DON'T move out of your home!

If she wants out, SHE moves. And she leaves w/o your child. The child stays in the family home.

If you move out the courts will look at it as abandonment. You NEED to stay put, in case you end up in a D.

Good news about OM's financial difficulties. That ought to put a cramp in their A. [/quote]

Originally this really seemed the best idea but now I am wondering. First of all, we are joint owners of the house so she can simply refuse to leave and we would be forced to sell the house. Either way, if plan B goes into effect and she leaves or we sell, she would end up at her parents house where she would be supported financially as well as with childcare. So I'm wondering if there is much downside to even implementing Plan B. I'll present a list of upsides and downsides to Plan B as I have it planned now.

UPSIDES
Her parents will not approve of her socializing with the OM at their home (I hope)
Our 3 yr old will be very well taken care of by my wife's parents and not be put in any harms way if my wife is in fantasy land and not caring for him as much.

DOWNSIDES
WIfe will be financially supported by her parents so she wont be feeling much pressure to get back into a relationship in which I am the provider.

Her parents will eventually emotionally support her as well. Although now they disapprove of the affair, once she is living with them I fear they will be pulled into her wayward script ie" I guess your husband just really coudn't make you happy after all" (even though she continued to see the OM during counselling, therefore not really making a genuine attempt to reconcile). She will then feel justified by her parents emotional support and not have any pressure on her to end the A.

As a side note, I believe the OM is not financially secure and if he separates from his family he will have to pay child support for two kids and spousal too. I just don't see how he will have the money to pursue his fantasy. Anyways, so hard to know what to do about Plan B. My goal for Plan B would be for her to want to see returning to me as the best alternative in the end. Any advice appreciated!

Any more thoughts on confronting OM myself? The caveman side of me wants to but I think it will get emotional and potentially violent. Also, like I said, I'm sure my WW has painted me to him in her WW fog as a total loser who she cant stand to be around so how seriously could he take me anyways. I feel it would look a little desperate on my part to confront him. Thoughts?

If you confront him, make sure it is somewhere PUBLIC.
Depending on what/where he works, it might be beneficial to expose/confront at his place of employment where there is sure to be some witnesses.

KISS (keep it simple , silly)

"OM. Let me introduce myself.
My name is "Dave".
I am WW's husband.
The married woman you are dating.

I am here to give you some information.
WW and I are still married.
I love my wife.
I want to remain married.
I will fight for my marriage and my family.
I demand you stop your adulterous affair with my wife."

I need some support right now as this is getting very difficult. I am becoming a paranoid nervous wreck. Even though it has only been 2 weeks since D-Day, I don't know if I have the strenght to continue Plan A. The keylogger is the most difficult because I can read all their disgusting and romantic messages to each other (or at least on my wifes end) and how she feels our marriage is hopeless. Well, guess what it is hopeless if you continue to break the no contact rule and meet the guy too! It would be far from hopeless if you put some honest effort into our marriage.

Anyways I feel like a failure to myself and to the good people on this forum for having to admit I might have to pull the plug in a couple weeks. Dr. H says 6 months for men? How on gods earth can anyone do that? I am sinking deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety and starting to have suicidal thoughts. I am in no shape to show an attractive side to my wife in this condition. I have resolved to completely abstain from snooping as that will make my rage and anxiety less I hope then Plan A can continue for a while.

I think I will have to confront regarding no contact. But what if she refuses no contact? Straight to plan B? And I guess Plan B means automatic Legal Separation because she will never agree to leave our son which means I can't leave without securing my custody rights. As another has said Plan B seems to conflict very much with custody rights and such if the marriage goes into separation or D. How does Plan B work for legal matters in the future It also cant be healthy for the child to have the parents have 0 communication. Please help!

I am by no means an expert here. Only a few months into recovery. True recovery, after many false ones. My regret..... DON"T BE SCARED! I agree.... make OM's life hell. Expose, expose, expose. I drug it all out way to long because I was scared of WH's reaction. He ALWAYS came back to me in the end. Now every situation is different, but OM has a family and you are your kids dad. That mean everything! Expose and fight until the fog lifts. It is a long storm, but usually I'm seeing here, the storm does pass, but you have to ride it out. My WH liked living in plan A, lying to me the whole time. Plan B took all of a few hours. WH now, he loves me-he always did. He is remorseful, loving, and wishes it all away. I hope and pray the same for you. Hang in there. I know it's not easy.