Hi, without going into all the details, i'm wondering whether it's right to kiss an ex on the lips when saying goodbye. The meetings are not arranged but we do meet up when in family situations. We care about each other a lot but he is with someone else now and she lives with him. Your thoughts please?

Ummmm, I would say its not a good idea...There is no need to kiss him on the lips...How 'bout a handshake?

He said he hopes we can always give each other a kiss goodbye?

Why on the lips? How bout the cheek...How about a little pat on the back?

He makes for the mouth every time!

Is your ex a member of your family???

ETA: okay, he's the father of your children perhaps? Is that the family situation you find yourselves in?

Tell him to knock it off!

We were married for 33 years and have a 31 year old daughter and grandkids and it's either when we meet up at hers or at my parents and he's started doing it after 2 years of just a wave into the air. I know he's still with the other woman and is about to go on holiday with her. When i questiond the kisses he said he hoped we could always kiss each other goodbye???

Did you two split up over the OW?

He says, "I hope we can always kiss each other goodbye."

You say, "You kissed me goodbye when you took up with OW. You really think I'd want to do that AGAIN???" and look at him like he's crazy.

Did your marriage end with his affair with this OW?

If so - then he is doing this to assauge his guilt. He wants reassurance that what he didn't wasn't bad or wrong - can't be too bad if your ex-wife will still kiss you.

If the affair has been going on in 2 years, it could signal trouble in affairland, as affairs last about 2 years.

Whatever the reason - it should stop.

There is no reason to kiss. At all. All it is doing is confusing you emotionally. You need firm boundaries with him.

Hmmmm yes that's what i thought - why start with the kisses? I left him whilst unaware of being mentally ill, then he went off with the other woman and i had a mental breakdown. Have fought long and hard to get myself together again and he knows i've always regretted not realising what was wrong at the time and i think he knows i still love him. I make no demands and get on with my life. Just not sure i should be letting him kiss me, even if he does seem to think theres nothing wrong with giving me a kiss goodbye - would the other woman be as amenable to it? Not that i should be worrying about the woman who happily got to him whilst he was vulnerable yet still with me, even though i had moved out of our marital home, everything else was much the same as before. Thank you guys for your input - Pops

Did you have an affair?

No, i ran away from him and my home and when he went off with the other woman behind my back i had a mental breakdown and i was then diagnosed with severe depression and ocd. Hadn't had a clue i had it but now it all makes sense and the panic attacks and anxiety weren't because i didnt love him any more but because of the emotions involved with hiding the ocd i didn't know i had. Sorry hard to explain.

In retrospect, do you think the panic attacks, anxiety, OCD could have been triggered by living with a spouse who was living a double life?

redpoppy, sorry you are here and I am sorry to hear about your medical problems.

If your XH had an A on you I would wait till the OW was in full view and give him the biggest french kiss on the mouth while you tap him on the bum.

Of course that would be the karma bus I would be seeing.

Seriously, tell him to cut it out. It is not right while he is with OW. He is cake eating.

Such a difficult thing to explain. We wre extremely happily married to each other for 33 years. I had some funny ways and occasionaly he got uptight with them but mostly i managed to hide my funny ways and live with it - until the 33 year mark and i just couldn't live like it any more but not knowing what was wrong with me, i read it all wrong and left him thinking i didnt love him any more and i wanted out. He beared with me for 6 months before he went off with ow who had let him know she was there for him in his time of stress - you know the type! apart from living in the marital home, everything else was the same between us. I was so wrapped up in relief from not having to do my daily rituals any longer i thought i was happy and couldn't see his pain. He reacted by going off with the ow who had let him know she was there for him for the past 6 years but he would never hav had an affair with her as he loved me so much. I still believe that. When he told me about seeing her i was mortified and broken, we got back together and it was fab but he said to me - you can come back any time the door is still open but you just have to stop cleaning all the time as i've got used to not living like that and as i still didn't know what was wrong with me my head said 'i can't go back, i can't go back' and i went inside myself again and we carried on for another 6 months or so with me not realising he eventually started seeing her behind my back during this time. When he came and asked me for a divorce, i said yes and then he left and i had a mental breakdown and it was then i was diagnosed with ocd and severe depression. He came to see me in the hospital but took her on holiday while i was in there to find out his feelings for her, this he told me whilst i was having my breakdown! He couldn't understand that i hadn't known why i left him and was too afraid i guess to believe i wouldn't do it to him again. Our divorce was 2 years ago and he divorced me as he's known all along i didn't want all of this. For those 2 years we've always just either spoke goodbye or waved into the air. Suddenly he's started kissing me on the lips and when i questioned it, he said i hope we can always give each other a kiss goodbye. Do you think he's now understanding it all a bit more and feeling sorry for me?

Tell him that after what he did, the only place he can kiss is your a$$.

I think the timing does make a difference. Wife goes off the deep end and runs away, then husband starts dating after 6 months.

But, that's neither here nor there. Since you still love him, RP, I suggest you do not allow him to kiss you on the lips. That's not helpful for you.

It's also quite possible your X is really confused about how he feels about you. But, you do not need the drama of having him involve you while he figures it out.

Thanks Guys really do appreciate your input.