But, even if it feels right in the heart, I bet it doesn't feel quite right in the head, or Melissa wouldn't be here. Head and heart should agree ebfore going forward with Marriage.

I'm not sure if you are serious or not, but age has tons to do with maturity (can I say "Duh" here?). Why is a 12 year old not allowed to drive? Why is a 17 year old not allowed to drink? The answer is maturity.

Oddly, there are no real age requirements for marrying and procreating (short of child endangerment), but I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out that older age means greater maturity and ability to make sound lifelong decisions.

I have been on these boards since you were a freshman in high school, and I can assure you that the older folks are almost always right when it comes to their advice. Why? Not because they are necessarily smarter IQ wise, but because of life experiences. One thing you'll see as you go through life is that you will find yourself saying more and more "wow, mother/father were right after all"...


You probably stop being too young when you show the ability to hear others, which I have yet to see. Your words above convey the ability to make decisions, but not necessarily good decisions. To be honest, you sound a bit like a rebelious teenager. But there is no need to rebel against us, we have no horse in this race.

AGG

To build on GG's great point, when you have two folks who enter a relationship with the "I don't need much time to decide who's right for me, I'll just know it", you are almost encouraging each other to be on your best behavior. If you knew that you'd date a couple of years before making any permanent decisions, then you would more likely be "yourself", as you would know that no one can hide themselves for two years. But if you say "I plan to be married within a year", then you are more likely to enter a "conflict avoidance" behavior.

I know you are not agreeing with any of this, I am just relaying to you what I have seen to be the case . One of the most common mistakes divorced people make is finding a new partner soon after a divorce, and because that partner is different from the ex, assuming that the new partner must be "right", because the ex was "wrong". As we all know from basic math, two wrongs do not make a right. The board is littered with people who got into rebound relationships and did not it figure out till they were married. I know you're different, I'm just saying .

Spend some more time honing your partner picker, and if your BF stands the test of time, all the better.

AGG

Can I mention all the men I just knew were right for me but turned out to be wrong for me? The list is almost endless. I used to assume a man was right for me if there was good chemistry, if I felt infatuation or in love.
After my divorce, I went about dating an entirely different way. I assume the gentleman I'm with will turn out to be wrong for me at some point. I get to know him, but am waiting for the other shoe to drop. That would irritate Mike a little, but it turns out I was right. The other shoe dropped all right. Dead as a door nail. Living is a key compatibility requirement for me right now.

The big question remains what will you lose if you wait to marry?

I suspect the deep down answer is you are afraid you will lose him. I could be wrong about this, but this seems to be the reason people rush into marriage aside from pregnancy. As you know, marriage is no guarantee that you won't lose him. In fact, I would wager that whether or not you remain in love and together has little to do with whether or not you are married and more to do with how compatible you are and how you treat each other. If you combine Dr. Harley's rules of safety, care, time and negotiation with inherent character compatiblity, your relationship truly will last until death parts you.

I was with my exH 1 1/2 years before we married...it wasn't until a year after we were married that he showed me his true self. I'm not saying everyone takes 2 1/2 years, but if giving it more time would have helped me see his true character, then I sure wish I would have given it longer and avoided the heartbreak and financial ruin he caused me. These people are here to protect you, they're not your enemies, but you can do what you want...and live with whatever comes.

Agree lol. I'm one of those whose heart and head r ALWAYS at odds with each other. Head Is usually rite!

I agree with the original post. The length of dating time is not important if you are wise enough to identify key factors that will allow thigns to last: life goals, beliefs, attitudes, ect.

Life is too short to give everyone a 3 year interview process and then start over again and again and again. Why do my friends with arranged marriages seem to be doing well? Because they are compatible and share the same goals.

Life is too short to give someone a three year interview???
Life is too short to spend it unhappily married for 20, 30, 60 years.

Most relationships don't make it past the first year, so it's not like you have to wait three years before saying adios.

That's only half the story. Knowing what key factors you need is a good start, but it takes time to determine if the person you are dating in fact possesses those qualities. You can't just talk about it, it should be demonstrated by behaviors.

AGG

AGG, I think we should change your name to AWiseMan.

Agreed!
If I hadn't had a long engagement, I would have been married to this man that just betrayed me, so giving yourself time to know each other is a protective thing.
It sounds like someone wants permission to have a short waiting period before marrying...you have our permission, now enjoy the consequences!

Aww, thanks GG.. I was afraid you were going to suggest AWiseA$$....

AGG