Sure can because Hope3343, SusieQ, Scotty and whoever else has posted agree too.

Breath. Listen to the vets. Figure out your plan and control your emotions.

You aren't lying to your WH about feeling ill. I am CERTAIN you ARE feeling ill right now.

During Plan A, I would drive in my car with the loudest music I could find, blaring and I would SCREAM the lyrics. I even would go to a secluded area and yell at WH and OW. This helps you get through. Also, be sure to journal to get those feelings out.

So your PLAN
1. Calm down.
2. Breath.
3. calm down.
4. Buy a GPS.
5. Plan A.

Add me to the list.

I agree that you need to calm down and get your facts straight before you reveal/blow/confront.

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom!! I feel better, am going to get a GPS this weekend. I will not blow this!

How are ya doing sunshine?

Not a vet, but I do have advice. If-- when you talk to him, do not ramble on. That may allow him gaslighting room.

It has been recommended that you reply with 5 words (or less).

"I know about your class"
"I want to discus this"
"We need to talk"
"skanky ho needs to go!" --er sorry about that one.

This helps me from getting angry. You wind up thinking (and chosing) your words rather than firing off a lecture.

This is not my idea, but belongs to a vet.

If he is good at blalmling you and turning things on you, practice this. I hope it will help.

Hey all! I will try to give you a quick update on my sitch. Well, if you read my thread you will see I was in shock and I really felt in my heart of hearts there was no way my WH could have seen the POSOW. After a full week of snooping, I came to the conclusion that all he did was try to bring me home a surprise. Let me explain. My husband has a few very good EP's in place.
He calls me from his work land line phone every day before he leaves work to come home. He works for a large water co. and drives a route truck. He will call me and let me know he's leaving and it takes approx. 40 min. to get home. If he has to stop and get gas, he will call me from his cell and let me know it will take him a couple min. longer to get home. He has been doing this since D-day. He has complained to me that he wants to get me a surprise, but he cannot find the time. We are with each other pretty much 24hrs. a day on weekends, and his EP's are in place so he knows I will know if he doesn't get home(from work) on time.
Now about the snooping. I placed a VAR in his car everyday. Nothing, just music, sports radio and the occasional phone call to me. I e-mailed the lady at his work that does the payroll to find out when my WH left work last Thurs(8/19). He left work @ 6:15, which would bring him to the hair cut place @ approx.6:35. I then called the hair cut place and found out he got his haircut at about 7:00. Took about 20min. Then he drove to the store, got the bouquet of flowers, and picked out a card, some m&m's and beer. I found the receipt. He checked out of the store at 7:40. Then was home by 8:05. On Friday 8/27, I decided to ask a few questions. I asked why he lied about being at school. He said 'I really didn't want to lie, but I wanted to get you flowers and a card, I told you on Thurs. that I was sorry I lied to you about being at school' I said 'No you didn't. What was I doing?' WH said 'You were standing in the kitchen reading the card.' I said 'I didn't hear you.' Then he told me what he said again and I replied 'Well, I must not of heard you cause that card made me cry.' I honestly think that what happened was I was so entranced with the card and what he wrote that I didn't hear anything he said.
Of course I also asked about why he went to that certain haircut place on POSOW's road(now please understand that the road she lives on goes through several cities in our area, and is a MAIN highway) He said that the haircut shop is a customer on his route and the owner has always told him to stop by and get a haircut. WH thought it would be a good opportunity and thought he would get a free haircut.(in the past he has given her free water) It cost $20, and he was not happy!! I told him that being on that road was not a good idea, and it brought up alot of unpleasant memories. He apologized profusely, and said he didn't realize it would affect me like that. Needless to say this was the story, he felt horrible for the pain it caused me. There is a bit more to the story, so if you have any questions please just ask!! It is so difficult because you want to believe your spouse, but goodness, it did seem like a hopeless situation for me.

Thank you all who helped me get through that day. I believe I did the right things and followed your advice to get the truth. You calmed me down and helped me think straight. I could not have done it without all of your wisdom!!!

Good job, sunshine!!

Wow sunshine, Your WH is showing a lot of understanding, and working with you. Keep up your efforts and use that 24 hours a day on the weekends to get quality +20 hours of UA. Keep working the MB principles like POJA, PORH, meeting ENs, and quitting LBs. If this maintainance is hard let us know, it should get easier and easier.

WH called me today and stated that he delivered to the haircut shop today. They actually told him I called and asked if he was here on Thursday night. He wasn't upset, mad or angry. He just asked if I ever feel the need to do something like that again to please let him know after I call. I guess it was pretty awkward for him, but I didn't apologize, he understood why I did it! Thank you ML you are an angel! Wheels, yes my WH has done so many great things for us and our marriage since D-day, that's why this whole sitch was so unbelievable to me!