[quote=angiebaby333]Yes, I most certainly disagree with Dr. Harley and by denying the child, you are indeed lessening their worth.
Well then, you aren't going to get very far here. This place is about building strong marriages. It's about discussing the MB philosophy and learning to apply it.
And , yes, I know more than I care to admit about addiction. Learning to overcome your addiction does not mean avoidance - for instance, an alcoholic who cannot go to family functions where alcohol is served has not overcome the addiction.
So an addict should continue to expose themselves to their drug of choice, to test their recovery? And if they slip into temptation, too bad, so sad?
If your driving on a high mountain road, you don't drive as close to the edge as possible just to prove you can, you stay as far away from the edge as possible, so there is little chance you fall over.
This is very different from, say, an alcoholic who can't go to a bar where the expressed intent of those there is to get drunk.
To an alcoholic ALL alcohol is dangerous, no matter the venue. Once an alcoholic, ALWAYS an alcoholic. You don't get to lower your guard once you are 'recovered'. You can be 'recovered' for decades and relapse.
I really don't think you have much of an understanding of addiction, regardless of your exposure level.
There are other ways that a FWS can make contact with the child, perhaps having a third party pick up the child for visitation.
Yes, there are. And many people here have navigated just those waters. It is difficult, but possible. A third party could work. There are many options.
However, choosing to NOT have contact with the OC is just as valid a choice, should a couple decide that is what is BEST for the marriage. Often OC are detrimental to the security, peace and financial stability of the Children of the Marriage. Should THEY be made to suffer, be thrown under the rug, for the OC? If all children are important and have value, why should the COM suffer?
Graduations, weddings, sure there will be times when the the FWS and OW might have to see each other. But if your marriage can't handle those few moments in time - and they really can be few - you have a much bigger issue to contend with.
So, how many marriages have YOU saved from adultery?
