Hi everyone

I need your sincere advice.

My husband broke up with me in a very bad way in early July. He turned cold, indifferent and even hateful to me. He moved out in a week.

I'm Chinese and he's an American. We met online three years ago and met in person for the first time two years ago. Then we got married 4 months after we met in person, which was the end of 2008.

I messaged him a few days ago asking when to get the divorce papers but then we started to chat a little. His attitude changed although he still said things like "I love you but i'm not in love anymore", "right now i'm sure i don't want a life with you, this prolly won't change in the future but I'm not sure. so i still want some time to make a final decision".

Then three days ago he asked if he could come to my house to fetch his winter coates. We met. we hugged and both of us cried for hours. I saw those tears in his eyes and it couldn't be fake. He's just confused about what he wants permanently in his life.

We made love that day. He kinda told me before and after sex that it was because of his hormones, but i could feel it was not purely physical. He kissed me for long and passionately. He said he missed me so much before and during sex. (but after sex he said we shouldn't have done it. it would hurt us more.)We met the next day also and we never did it. Instead we ate dinner together and started a movie afterwards. I tried to ask him to stay for the night (in separate bedrooms) but he said "No".

Anyway he began to communicate and listen to me again. He told me the next day after our first meeting three days ago that he was on the subway to meet his boss. He almost cried on the subway thinking about the previous night. When he met his boss later, his boss asked him how things were going with him and me. By then he couldn't help it any more and cried right there before his boss - a lady. My husband never cries before anyone except before me (sometimes). i sense that he's going through so many emotional turmoils deep down.

He admits that he has the problem of emotional instability. The source goes back to his childhood. His parents fought almost every day back then. His mom is a great mom but his dad was very bad, who drank and then beat his children. My hus got a lot of beatings from his dad, who died from obsessive drinking when my hus was 12 years old. This took a heavy toll on my husband's emotional state.

I really really love my husband so much and want him back so badly. but at the same time it hurts me to hell when i saw he wants away from me. Do you see any hope? Or what should i do? ... Or... is this marriage worth saving...

P.S. two days ago when he was here, i showed him what i wrote about how we could make this marriage work if he decides to give it another try, things like what i should do, what he should do, and what we should do together. I told him these were my ideas and he may add more if he wants later. Originally i really didn't think he would care to read. this is something for his future consideration. BUT he read all, CAREFULLY. I could see that. i think he read every word twice (figuratively speaking of course.) That, to me, says he hasn't totally driven me out of his life, at least not out of his mind yet, and at least he has the slightest wish to get back together. Oh, another thing is, we were chatting and i told him about my friends' experience to cope with marriage crisis and he said these are very helpful to him.

Thank you so much.

Eva

Eva, click on the "Notify" button below and ask the moderator to move this post over to Surviving an affair. You will get a much better response there.

Welcome. I'm so sorry you're here.

Please do not get your hopes up based on the encounter you had with your husband. When I was going through my separation and divorce, one of the counselors talked about "good-bye sex." It is not uncommon for two people who are divorcing to have sex one last time. And there's definitely an emotional connection--it's not just hormones. However, that doesnn't necessarily mean he's wavering in his decision.

However, that doesn't mean there's no hope at all. Read up on this web site if you haven't.

What are his reasons for leaving besides not being in love with you?