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Just bought the book. I will be reading tonight in front of him.
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Update:
He did not come home until 9pm last night. He was in such a bad mood and giving me the evil eye. He refused to talk.
About the book, it's amazing how they try and justify the affair and that it is the right thing, so in-love. They would give up everything to be with the OW because their emotional needs were met. They do not care who they're hurting. Their juggement is soooo clouded! I told my H the other night to weigh our 10 years relationship to a few months with the OW. No response. I see now how it is an addiction. They would not stop until they get that high. Every chance they get to sneak a call/text/email. My H has been spending a lot of time locked in the bathroom. After reading parts of the book and my H being so stubborn. They seem to be unbreakable! My chances in getting him back is slim, IMO.
/cry
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My chances in getting him back is slim, IMO.
/cry NOT SO! You CAN get him back. You have to stop thinking of him as a RATIONAL man. He ISN'T. You need to develop a PLAN. A plan is your BEST and ONLY chance at getting him back. You've been in plan C = chaos/compromise. You have been all over the map. You need to calm and center yourself. You need to stop thinking of this man as your husband. Your husband is gone. He has been replaced by a cold, abusive adulterer. He is NOT the man you married. If you get yourself together you have a CHANCE of seeing that man again, but you gotta focus. You've read the book, you know what you're up against. Do you think you have it in you to Plan A?
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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What happened to plan B? I gave you a sample of a letter....have you decided to stay in plan C? We all know where that will lead... in plan D!
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Update:
Their juggement is soooo clouded! I told my H the other night to weigh our 10 years relationship to a few months with the OW. No response. ....My chances in getting him back is slim, IMO. yeah, its hard to get waywards to see the light. I often asked "why are you willing to throw away 6 years of good marriage for a coupe of months with OM?" The clouded foggy answer is a re-write of history and a lie: "Because I was always unhappy...." boo hoo. Luckily your WH kept his mouth shut instead of saying what he was really thinking, which is a wayward scripted answer. Hope SAA will help you get a plan together and start working on yourself and what you can do. Its next to impossible to get a wayward to do what is right to save the marriage.
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I often asked "why are you willing to throw away 6 years of good marriage for a coupe of months with OM?" The clouded foggy answer is a re-write of history and a lie: "Because I was always unhappy...." boo hoo. That made me laugh babe! I soo remember that.....man I think I read the wayward script about a 100 times! ROFL! 
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I am controlling my emotions so I can go to plan B. I think the anti-depressant is kicking in. We have not spoken since my outburst.
I have the letter ready but you said to focus on myself and postpone the exposure. It is useless trying to make H realize the A is a mistake with the state of mind he is in.
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We said to go into plan B NOW!
He is still seeing the OW, let him see what he will lose if he chooses her.
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Melody,
I regret my outburst last night.I was in the verge of a breakdown. I have lost 20 bls and have been in 2 car accidents. Mavic, my suggestion is that you postpone exposure and go into Plan B as soon as you can. I think you are too worn down to deal with exposure right now. It would be much better to get separated - cut off all contact with him - and THEN expose the affair. That way you don't have to deal with the fallout because you won't be in contact with him. Please think this over. If you stay around him much longer your mental and physical health is only going to get worse. And I am not suggesting that you leave, but that you ask him to move out ASAP. Please think it over and let me know. We can help you through this, Mavic. Is what we are saying to do
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I am controlling my emotions so I can go to plan B. I think the anti-depressant is kicking in. We have not spoken since my outburst.
I have the letter ready but you said to focus on myself and postpone the exposure. It is useless trying to make H realize the A is a mistake with the state of mind he is in. mavic, you have to separate from him before you can go into Plan B. Ideally he will move out if you ask him. But you have to do something here. I would go to him and tell him that his continued contact with the OW is too painful for you to endure. Ask him to move out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What is so (in your situation) hard about going to Plan B? What is it about this man that makes you want to hang onto him so much that you will sit by while he continues his A? I am a FWW. Take it from me, your H will continue as long as his cake-eating desires are being met. It looks like he will never choose you until he gets the message that you don't choose him and his wayward ways.
FWW me - 35, BH - 50, 5 kids total (blended fam)
Dday - 1/29/2010, Exposure & NC same day
Recovering slowly
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I will ask him to leave tonight.
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Mavic
Your opinion of the a ffair in his eyes are bias so he will NOT CARE about what you think of the o Affair, he knows you well after 10 years of marriage so give him the big kick up the backside and EXPOSE to everyone now before the OW gets her claws into him further than she has already.
ML and the other vets have given you clear ways on how to expose and templates to letters etc, so use them, you seem to agree with everything to do with his behaviour being that of a typical WS so take the GOOD advice and go NUCLEAR EXPOSURE, dont hold back. In my opinion if this doesent get some dents in their little bubble then go plan B but you cant really do a plan B without support and exposure will get you support from your loved ones so EXPOSE NOW PLEASE.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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I will ask him to leave tonight. No, pack up his stuff, lock the door, and put the letter on top of his stuff.
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