Recently my husband of almost 20 years had an affair with an 18 year old girl. It lasted only a couple of months. He was remorseful. I tried desperately to find a way to forgive and go on. Two years later I gave him an ultimatum to arrange counseling or divorce. The very day the deadline for the ultimatum I met an amazing man. As the NEW relationship has progressed pretty hastily, there are many old wounds that both of us have and they keep popping up and putting doubts in our heads. How does one get over these past hurts and not bring old ways into a new amazing relationship!

So, you're having your own affair.
You are dating a man who is willing to date a married woman.
Not a man with high morals.


You are now an adulterer.
How does becoming an adulterer make you marriage-material?

One does not "get over" past hurts by lowering their personal standards.

is it not true that when my ex husband committed the act with the other girl that released me from that bond of marriage? Just a mere legal document is the reason for your accusation? My ex and I had been living in separate quarters for over 2 years...

would like to hear an answer to my last question pepperband!

Those "mere legal documents" are IMPORTANT.
For example, a driver's license.
Or, a pilot's license.
Or, a license to practice medicine.
Or, a marriage license.

You are still married.
You have not gotten divorced.
Get'er'done.
Then date.
Until then, you are adulterous.
Ask your pastor.

Answered.

Now, tell me, where do you think your "doubts" are coming from?
You are dating a man while still married.
If you have respect for marriage, and want to be married in the future ... this OUGHT to bother you a LOT.

wow.... in the bible it says that? I want to see the scripture that states what you just said!

Let me take a shot at it.




No.

See what you've done?
You've used geography to excuse yourself.
But, those doubts are still there.

Believe it or not, I am trying to help you !

You came here and posted because something feels wrong to you.

It is your conscience.

Get divorced.
Have you even filed?

ASK your pastor if you are still married.

By "quarters" are you saying different rooms in the same house or totally different places?

Why do you call your husband ex if you are still married?

It's not even Friday !!!!!!!

Is he married to an ex too?

yes have filed over 6 months ago - we have many assets so it may take another 6-8 months

Kids?

No - a DIVORCE releases you from the bonds of marriage.

Could you file your taxes as 'married' without your marriage license?

No you couldn't.

His adultery released you from the necessity of staying in the marriage, it gave you the option to divorce. It didn't give you a free pass to start a new 'amazing' relationship.



So what?

I'm sure your husband was 'miserable' for years in his marriage before he found his 18 year old. Didn't make it ok then, but it's ok now, huh?

Yes, you are an adulterer.

You have doubts because any man who would date a woman who is married (no matter if she's 'separated' or not) is someone who does not value commitment or marriage.


Well usually - it helps if the past is actually, you know, IN THE PAST, not going to be finalized in a few months.

2 grown 2 at home

I am terribly sorry for the demise of your marriage.
I am especially sorry for your children.

Until you are divorced, why not concentrate your energy on the 4 kids.
Especially the younger ones.
They have lost a lot.
They need you far more than this other man.

Get your divorce done.
Once all your kids are out on their own, date whomever you desire.

Best of luck to you.

Godspeed.

So let me get this straight. Once your spouse has an affair, you can go out and hook up with whoever you want? You said you hadn't even made the decision to divorce your husband yet (not that it matters when you decided, married is married). So, instead of going to counseling with your husband, you decided to have an affair of you own, one that you are now justifying by his affair and the fact that you filed for divorce which you hadn't at the time you started your affair.

We are calling you to the carpet on this because all our spouses that cheated on us all "decided" that our marriage was over despite not telling us or filing when they started their affair. Your reason or justification does not excuse your behavior. You are no better than your husband, he just had his affair first.

Oh, and your new "man" is a real d-bag for dating a married woman with kids. I'm sure the relationship will crash and burn.