Without going into too many details, my wife had an EA that turned into a PA. I have to travel for work (a lot) and am gone at least 3 weeks out of the month (damn recession).

She confessed to me and had already established no contact. I have my doubts about my no contact, but no proof. I don't doubt that the PA is over. She says she wants to work thing out between us, and I would have no way of knowing that anything had happened had she not confessed. I see this as a good thing, but not sure if I should.

I love my wife, but not sure where to go from here. I have read the basics, but still a bit confused. Our big problem right now is that when we talk (this being recently discovered) I tend to blame her / she blames me... I am sure you know the story of the conversation that goes on from there.

Thank you for your help.

Solo. Sorry that you are here and welcome to MB.

Please go into details. We need the details to help us help you better.

Have you read the thread to help newly betrayed? http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

Please go through it and read all of the info and answer the questions about yourself and your WW.

This is a very hard time in your life, and you are going to go through a lot of different emotions. Don't make any HUGE decisions right now. Learn what you need to learn and snoop. Do you know who OM is? Has this affair been exposed? Do you currently have any snooping techniques in place? You realize that overnights without your spouse goes against MB, right?

Read, ask questions, answer questions and then read again.

Welcome

Thank you for the reply.

I had already read most of those except for the quick start guidelines. Here is my answer to those:

Rule 1. I have no evidence other than a confession

Rule 2. I haven't interfered with it. I didn't (and wouldn't have known about it) if there was no confession. My wife will be moving out of state soon so any physical contact (without me knowing by monitoring bills) will be impossible

Rule 3. god I wish this was a possibility. I snooped (and revealed) too early. I honestly believe that at this point there was nothing but an EA going on (with a female friend) which she didn't see as a problem. Lost access to the emails and such.

Rule 4. I don't beat myself up. Was I responsible for problems in the marriage? Yes.. was she completely responsible for the affair? Yes

Rule 5. Already in IC.

Rule 6. god, I have ben dealing with this (and my family for the last few weeks)

Rule 7. see above.. trying not to be the doormat, but I rotate between pissed and forgiving (if you know what I mean)

Rule 8. see rule 6

Rule 9. not applicable as far as I know

Rule 10. Kind of a catch all.....

Thank you all for checking this out. I feel like I have no (un-biased) support.

Also married 3 years, but at least 1/2 of the time has been long distance.

thanks

Is this the first marriage for both of you? Do you have any children together? How old are you both? Where did she meet her AP? Is the AP married? Am I understanding that the AP is a woman?

We need to know ALL of the info so we can help you better.

You can monitor what she does on the computer long distance.

Look into keyloggers that report to your email.


SB

Desk Top Shark (desktopshark.com) is a great key-logger. Stealth mode and it reports to any email address you tell it to as well as text your phone. You can set it to take pics of the computer every minute or longer that gets emailed to you and then you log on to the key-logger via bringing up notepad or word and typing your passcode. When done, click the 'hide' tab and whoa! back in stealth mode. I have it on both our computers and FWH doesn't know it.