My husband had an affair a couple of years ago, and I thought we worked through it. We have been talking and he said we were going to work things out. He was working overseas when this happened. After a year he ended it with the other girl and kept telling me things are going good with us. About a year ago he returned to the states and got another job in a different state than which we live. Its been almost a year now that he has lived there and we have been working on things still, he visits I have not been there yet. Recently I found out he was having another affair. He told me he thinks it was just for the chase. All this time I thought that things were going good with us boy was I dumb. He tells me that I gave up on our marriage but I dont feel that way. I lost interest in sex according to him. sure I didnt want it everyday, maybe not even once a month, Anyway he says because of that is why he doesnt think it will work out with us. I am not sure why I lost the desire I love him very much still, I am looking for answers as to why this would of happen. The sex was great when it happend.

WHY didn't you live together after he returned to the States?

I'd hire a PI.
He may be a bigamist and not just an adulterer.

Do NOT discuss this with your H.
Hire a PI.

Something smells rotten here ...

PLEASE, tell me you do NOT have children with this man

he was only back for about a month and had to start this new job. I have two children they are 18 and 23. He has changed so much not the same man I married almost 24 years ago. He keeps telling me to give him time and space. I think he has had enough of that, but if i say anything then i am being pushy.

Hire a PI.
Say nothing to your husband.

Because he is cheating on you and he likes the way things are...a wife and g/f's

You need to decide if you want to continue with this marriage just the way it is...or do something about it and change it!

You need to expose his affairs to everyone you know...

Family
Friends
Co-workers
Neighbors
etc..

Affairs thrive on secrecy so the longer you wait the longer you are enabling his affairs to continue.

Hire that PI and gather all the evidence, I wouldn't be surprised that he has been cheating on you with several different woman (my guessing number is 6)

Good luck and sorry you are here, but this is the best place for you.

thanks

What is your plan?

If he wants sex and you don't, and "maybe one time a month" is good for you - and he lives far away....

and he's alone and free to go wherever he wants to look for it....


this is a perfect set up for plenty of one-night stands for him.


My guess is that he has had plenty of sex-for-the-sake-of-sex affairs, ONS so that he can satisfy this emotional need. He may very well reveal to you that this has been happening for years. Would not surprise me at all, given that you are not around to catch him, and haven't shown much interest in meeting the need for him.

From his point of view, you were not interested in doing that part of the marriage....so he found other people who would. That is what his "reason" for the affairs is. This is not a legitimate reason - it does not excuse it, and it does not blame you. This does go toward some insight into the state of the marriage, and how the two of you were not meeting the emotional needs of one another, and how this led to the feelings of distance between the two of you.


The question is - do you want to save the marriage?

If the answer is YES, you need to move where he is, live in the same house with him, and get busy working on meeting his emotional needs. Living this far apart, for this long, hasn't helped your situation.


And yes, hire a PI. Before you decide what to do, you need the whole truth. There will be more to follow - either from your wayward husband, or from the PI. I think this is the tip of the iceberg.


SB

The problem is that you don't live together. Until that problem is resolved, he will continue to have affairs. In order to save your marriage, the conditions that led to the affairs must be changed.

I would hire a PI. I bet he has another wife or a live in.

That's exactly what I am thinking.
I would postpone exposure ~~~> until you know What is WHAT???

Then, expose, or do whatever you decide to do .... but you need the FACTS first.

thanks for all the comments and suggestions much appreciated

everyone tells me they dont know how I have not been to where he lives at now. he has an event coming up in a couple of weeks me and our children were going to go and support him when I told him this he got very angry and told me he did not want me to come up there, he was not ready for that but the children could come. he also said that if I did show he would not participate in the event and would walk out. does anyone think that i should go and see what happens

HIRE A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR

Are you serious??? What we think is that you should hire a PI and get the TRUTH of what is going on in YOUR life.