I've been reading a lot of the articles and messages posted here. First I would like to say how deeply sorry I am for the heart ache and pain you all must be going through.
It is unfortunate how relationships fall apart due to infidelity and the aftermath is unbearable. I am here to admit to be one of the guilty adulterers who ruined a very good marriage and family. I'm regretful of what I have done and have confessed my wrong doings to my husband. Now I am faced with the consequences. As sorry as I am for what I did to my family I am also dealing with a lot if pain emotinally mentally and physically. I feel that I should be forgiven and treated fairly for even confessing apologizing and repenting of what I've done to him. He says that he still loves me and accepts me back fully. But there's one thing that he can't accept: that is a disease I got from the other guy. What are we suppose to do from here? I don't want him to get what I have but at the same time I feel that if he accepts me completely then he should accept that too. I'm so hurt and confused! Confused whether I even have the right to be hurt. And I wonder if our relationship will survive without intimacy? Pls help! Or if anyone can lead me to a topic related to what I'm going through. Please! I'm desperate to find out what's the right thing to do. I don't even know what to think. Please! I do want to save my marriage. And he's willing as well. We just don't know how?

What is the disease? Herpes? My wife had it when we married. And as yet, I haven't had a breakout. We've been married 30 years. If it is the breakouts will lesson with meds. You just have to be mindful when bathing and do inspections. My wife knows when she has a breakout. You both have to research and learn about it to lose the fear of it. I hope this helps.

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I feel that if he accepts me completely then he should accept that too.

Regarding "the disease" ... may we assume you are referring to a sexually transmitted disease. (STD) Which one(s)?

You don't get a vote about what your husband "should" accept as a consequence of your adultery. That is a disrespectful judgment (DJ) you are making.

How old are you?
Any kids?

Your H will forgive you on his time and on his terms. If I were you I would not expect forgiveness any time soon, but you can show him how devoted you are to him through your actions.

I wouldn't accept a disease from my wifes OM either, what kind of gift is that? Seriously, like I said above it will take him time and your actions to show that you can be together. This disease is something you have to learn about and how to work around. It will affect your marriage for a very very very long time. Plus it will be a bad trigger for your H. Each time there is evidence of your STD he will be reminded of your affair, and it will take years for him to get over.
Nope, there is no reason why he should contract an STD transmitted to you from OM. That is just disgusting.
Girl, you hurt yourself, and in all honesty you have barely begun to feel the full brunt of all the consequences of your affair. This is going to be a hard uphill battle that you are just barely joining your H in. You gave up your rights to being hurt when you had an affair and contracted a disease.
In all honesty this is the right place to come. People on your thread will help coach you in actions and steps that must be taken to help you and your marriage. Your husband is also completly welcome to come here and tell his side of the story and get advice on how to recover your marriage. In fact I would encourage him to come here.

In order to recover your marriage you have to take these first steps:

• Expose your affair to everyone who is important to you and your husband. these people include the following:
  • Your kids that will understand the meaning of an affair, and how wrong it is.
  • Both sets of parents and both sets of siblings
  • The OMW, she NEEDS to know that her H virally infected another woman.
  • Church leaders, and those who can help with spiritual healing.
  • Anyone that your husband feels he should talk to about it. He does not want to keep this secret in, it is poisoning him.
• Write a letter of NC to the OM based on NC letter templates here. Omit any type of love language, Ill miss you, or anything of that matter.
• Let your husband review the letter, and let him put a stamp on it and mail it out.
• Ensure that NC is held throughout your life. This may require a change of jobs if you know him from work, or moving if he lives in your neighborhood. This includes all forms of contact such as emails, phone calls, texts, or even eye contact. Consider the OM dead from now on.
• Let your H have access to all your email accounts, your twitter, FB, your phones. Let him know where you are going to be at all times and who you are with when you are not together. Provide proof such as a picture even when your H does not ask for it.
• Never spend another night away from your H, Include him in all your plans, and he must do the same for you.
• You and your H set up EPs for you. Stay away from those things that may cause you to slip into another Affair or that may trigger your husband into depression.
• You and your H need to exercise all MB concepts here daily. these include:
  • 20+ hours UA time, use this time to do MB concepts and meet ENs.
  • Meet all of each others ENs.
  • Each of you removing all LBs from your marriage.
  • POJA all the big stuff and little, like what to eat for dinner, what to watch on tv, your plans for each evening and day, etc.
  • Exercise PORH no matter how hurtful the honesty is. Witholding the tiniest detail will affect your spouse.

That is entirely his choice, not yours. You can't dictate what he accepts or doesn't accept. You have no vote in that. Nor are you entitled to forgiveness. That must be freely given of his own will, not demanded.

I would stop making inappropriate demands and be grateful that you even got him to stay with you. Many men wouldn't.

As a FWW, I have to agree with the above. Once I crawled into bed with another man, I forfeited my spousal rights, so to speak, until such time as my DH could heal enough to restore them. That's pretty much how it is.

I would work on you, on making amends, and on being really really patient with your DH.

You cannot demand your husband to forgive you, for all I know he can kick you out and divorce you!

As a FWW as well, I would not try to push your husband to forgiving you on what you have done, and sweetie this will take a really long process IF your husband wants to reconcile.

Bring him here, so we can help him.

Yes.. Warts to be exact.. My breakouts have cleared up but it's asyptomatic.. So no matter what I can still pass the virus to him. He says that the fact that It happened during the affair is the reason why he won't accept it. He's disgusted of me and I feel the same way about myself. And that's the last thing I need during this recovery: Rejection blame and insults. I'm thankful that he's willing to take me back but the fact that he's permanently wounded and resentful I've lost hope in gaining that same love and passion that we once had. I'm trying to prove myself. Trying to gain his trust back by giving him access to all my contacts. I have nothing more to hide. I'm doing everything possible to fix our relationship. But all I get is rejection and judgement one
after another. Do I really deserve this? It might be helping him to bring out his anger but it's not helping us mend our reltionship.

InTheClouds,

Part of the issue with Genital Warts, is that they are a strain of HPV, and HPV can also cause cancer, cervical penile, anal, oral and likely others. Please check with your doctors HPV is not trival!

God Bless
Gamma

I am sorry, but rejection and judgment is a consequence of your choices. It may not be helping restore your relationship but it is understandable. This doesn't mean you have to accept it. But what is......is. You are entitled to be loved and respected. But it is his option to forgive you or not. He is the wronged party. How long ago did this happen?

Intheclouds,

You could help us alot by telling us some details of your marriage.

Let's start with how long you two have been married.
How many children do you have and what are their ages?
What are you and your H's ages?

How long ago did the affair end?
How long did the affair last?
How did your H find out about the affair?

You don't know this yet, but affairs, and how people (the wayward spouse, WS, and the betrayed spouse, BS) have patterns. Some of the variations of these patterns depend on the answers to the questions you were asked and that I have asked here. We can be guide you IF we have this information.

You do not know that your H will be "permentaly wounded and resentful." In fact, if that is the case you won't have a marriage. You must understand that the nominal time for recovery from adultery is about 2 years. It can be longer and sometimes abit shorter. Both the WS and BS go through a series of steps during recovery and some of those steps depend on time. Hence the timing questions to you.

Can you give me one reason why he would want to risk an infection from you curtesy of OM when it is clear you are not thinking clearly and you are not focused on your H but simply how bad YOU feel? Can you give me a reason why he would risk this, if the marriage you have right now...TODAY is one of pain, anger, rejection?

I personally cannot think of a reason he would be willing to do this. HOWEVER, if you rebuild this marriage, if it becomes something that supports him emotionally and sustains him and makes him happy, if you become happy in the marriage, THEN he might be willing to risk infection to be with you.

You are worried about the wrong thing. You need to worry about recoverying the marriage and making it something the both of you want.

Please read the articles on this site, they will help you a great deal. I look forward to the answers to the questions I and others have posted to you.

God Bless,

JL

PS: You said This like killing your parents and throwing yourself on the mercy of the court because you are an orphan. Confessing was a good thing, but you did something very very damaging and you should not confuse this. Your confession did not erase the damage you did, you just allowed it to be addressed. The man is willing to work with you on the marriage, drop the sense of entitlement.

There are several words that every WS should look up in the dictionary and commit to memory:

Humility
Patience
Humility
Contrition
Repentance
Humility

Excellent point there, JL.