I leave for some Pre-mobilization tomorrow. I am still a complete basket case!!

How in th He!! am I supposed to lead soldiers, how am I going to provide training to my young soldiers. I am one of the few left with any combat experience, it is my job to make sure my medics are ready for what they may have to do.

I had to go to my former home to get some of my Army gear, just being there I was in tears. All our family photos still on the walls, ect. It all hit me really hard.

I have not been doing good at all lately. Even with the new medicine, I am a mess. If I didn't need the money for this training I think I would go back in the hospital.

What has happened to me?? Why cant I function?? I've been cheated on before, was worse then. I've had the PTSD for years, but for the most part I was functional. Why now am I having constant pannic attacks, I can barley do my job anymore.

I have never been this way before. It scares me cause I dont know how to get right again. I am on enough anti-anxitey meds to put a rhino to sleep (i'm exagarating) I still am a basket case.

I can already feel the urge to just numb, to start drinking again. I have been down that road, I know it leads nowhere good.

Anyway...

Just in a bad place today

Jason

unseen I am soo sorry for the pain you are in right now, just remember that god is always with you, and if there is anything you need comfort, assurance, etc just get on your knees and ask him for help, and I guarantee you will receive it.

Remember the story that during those hard times in your life he is the one carrying you.

You are in my prayers.

Jason, Please contact your supervisor and let him know what is going on.

I work on a military base and I know there is many counseling services that address your issues.

Get help now even if it means going back in the hospital. You will not be able to help anyone unless you help yourself first.

Blessings

I echo this above. Don't be afraid to get the help you need. Even if it means something like a hospital. I refused a leave of absence a couple of years ago because "we couldn't afford it." It was the wrong choice. Your health and well-being is number one priority. There is NO SHAME in needing help.

Thank you all for the input!

I just got out of the hospital on monday, If I keep going in everytime I start to wig out I will just get worse. Alot of my stress is that my income is messed up. I can't keep staying at my buddy's house.

I need this money that I get from training to get a new home/place to stay.

So far its not been too bad, I just need to rely a little more on my subordiates, delagate more.

anyway...

Thanks

unseen,

I agree about letting your first line leader know the whole situation. That is a must. If you truly think you may not be up to handling the mission, you need to let them know that as well. Remember, it takes bravery to admit you are having problems dealing and there is no shame in that. Add to the stress of preparing to deploy the personal relationship issues and it is completely understandable. I strongly suggest you link up with your chaplain ASAP as well.

It may be that leaving on the MOB might actually be a good thing in a way too. It should probably help your financial situation and it will give you focus and occupy your mind and time as you prepare for war.

I'm not sure of your rank, but you are obviously in a leadership position. You didn't 'fall' into that slot. You were selected because others felt you were capable. There aren't many things in life more noble and honorable then leading Soldiers in a combat environment.

That being said, your Soldiers' families have entrusted the lives of their loved ones in your hands. That is a serious responsibility that CANNOT be taken lightly. If you truly don't feel up to the task prior to pushing out, you need to let that be known. None of us are irreplaceable. Your unit will be OK without you if that is what is neccessary. You can't lead and serve your Soldiers effectively if you are not mentally zero'ed for the task.

I also had a tough time with this during my last deployment as that was when my WW dupmed the news on me. I was also a basket case and it actually put me and my Soldiers at greater risk because I wasn't on my game. I wasn't sleeping and all I could think about was my problems. When I was outside the wire and not focused - that was extremely dangerous. Fortunately, we made it OK but it could have turned very bad. I talked with my chaplain and put things into perspective and was able to refocus and complete the mission, but it was very difficult. Eventually I found ways of dealing with it by talking with friends and exercising a lot. That helped me sleep when I could and that in turn helped me to be sharp and focused out there when I needed to be.

I wish you the best and urge you to be honest with your chain of command and find your chaplain.

SoL

Hi all,

Well once again I went in the hospital. Second day of screening they decided i needed to go back in (they were right). 18 days this time. Plus is that I got into a long term (Inpatient)PTSD program in Little Rock AR

It is 8 weeks long and has had good success rates so far. So I just need to find a place to live till the 7th. I can do hotels for a few days but will have to think of something else eventually.

I felt really good when I left the hospital, why does seeing a picture of her bring me to tears. I'm not sure sometimes that I can recover from both....

anyway...

input appreciated