|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
One more thing.... Joyce Harley sent me another e-mail today. She said my question was addressed on the radio show and it'll be on every hour until 1:00pm tomorrow, if anyone is interested. She said he went into a little more detail. It's almost 3:00 am here, so I'll have to listen to it tomorrow. (I don't ever stay up this late anymore). Ugh. That was nice of her to let me know that. 
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
I would ask that if he has no sponsor then why is he bothering to attend meetings? Physician-Heal-Thyself diets will not lead to 12 step recovery. In your experience, have you seen others at the meetings try to do this? I'm guessing, but my experience would suggest at least 50% or more do not have or use a sponsor. My experience would also suggest that at least 75% have failed to work the steps. Just ask yourself, do his actions demonstrate a man that has surrendered his will and his life to the care of God. I'm thinkin' not!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634 |
Not much to add to your thread Mopey as you have some of the best giving advice already. But, I did want to say 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928 |
Mopey, I think Windstopped knows EXACTLY what is keeping your marriage from recovering. IMO, he just doesn't think the marriage is as important as he is.
He's a Renter, and barely one, at that. Considering the way his landlord (you) has to keep hounding him to "pay his rent", I think he'd rather be a Freeloader.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
mopey, here is the link to Dr Harley's discussion of your email: here
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
mopey, here is the link to Dr Harley's discussion of your email: hereThat was a good one. Thanks for the link, Melvin.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"
I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.
You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"
If your spouse says: "I would not like that."
If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.
Simple.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
Mopey, I think Windstopped knows EXACTLY what is keeping your marriage from recovering. IMO, he just doesn't think the marriage is as important as he is.
He's a Renter, and barely one, at that. Considering the way his landlord (you) has to keep hounding him to "pay his rent", I think he'd rather be a Freeloader. Yeah LC, it's hard to argue with this. Mel....thank you very much for the link. I had tried to find it myself and couldn't. I listened to it and Dr. H is right on every point as far as I'm concerned. Pep....I 100% agree that it's thoughtless not to POJA. I'm thinking about writing Dr. H again. Even though Windstopped POJA'd the co-ed AA mtgs with me, he's still not happy. He only did it I believe because EPs are a deal breaker for me, so he felt forced to. Windstopped feels that I made a selfish demand because this was a deal breaker for me. I've told him it's a boundary. How do you respond to something like that? Quite frankly, I'm soooooo sick of his inconsiderate, childlike, doesn't get it behavior.
Last edited by mopey; 08/29/10 09:41 AM.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
Thanks for the birthday wishes Mindshare!
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[Windstopped feels that I made a selfish demand because this was a deal breaker for me. I've told him it's a boundary. Tell him "feelings are not truth."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
Just ask yourself, do his actions demonstrate a man that has surrendered his will and his life to the care of God. I'm thinking not as well TST. But WS thinks they do.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
Will do Mel. That one should keep him thinking for a minute.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
We are trading EN and LB questionnaire's today. I can almost guarantee that he's going to say that me posting and reading on MB is a LB for him.
I will definitely want to POJA this issue if it comes up.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,327 |
Ok, well he didn't ask that I not post on MB.
However, his EN Q has me quite frustrated. I feel like he is setting me up to fail.
I made a post on MB101 if some of you could go over there and help me with that, I'd greatly appreciate it.
I have issues with his top two ENs, and I'm starting with his first one....the Need for Admiration. Go figure.
Help please?
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
340
guests, and
77
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,495
Members71,969
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
