OH WOW! What do you do in this situation? I'm very sorry to hear to hear of her passing.

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I didn't realize you had lost your husband. You are one strong cookie.

Gosh, so sorry.

K

Thanks, Karona, Hey, I've been through a little bit of everything...never a dull moment!
Divorce, Death, breakups, geez!
I sent Jim a handmade sympathy card with a note telling him I am not hoping for reconciliation, but would like to be his friend, to call when he is ready. I also commended him on taking such good care of his mom. I know this is hard for him and his daughters. Loss always is.
Now all I can do is pray and continue living my life the best I can.

Jim called last night, talked for 3 1/2 hours. He's heavily in the throes of grieving and attending to details so now's not the time to talk relationship stuff, we talked about what happened and what's gone on in the last two months but we both need time to think, I feel we both need to back way up and start over, we have a lot to work through and understand if there is ever to be a "we". I haven't allowed myself to hope so I haven't had time to think about it either. Right now I feel it's up in the air and that's okay.

Yes, I'm beginning to realize how much life sucks sometimes. I originally posted that I would not go out with a divorcing MM. He is locked in a division of assests struggle with his wife. He has no idea when his divorce will be finalized, but he is actively sowing his oats. That's a big turn off for me.

Since then I joined a dating service. I just don't get it. The few men I responded to wanted to get into phone sex before even meeting me. Wow. I am not into phone sex with anyone but a man I am committed to. What is up with men?

We must be meeting the worst of them. I'm not even remotely interested in looking...

I'm feeling the same way right now--not interested in looking.

What an interesting direction this thread has taken!

I find that my interest level surfaces occasionally, but rapidly wanes. I'm not intentionally blocking the idea of dating, but I can't seem to sustain any interest in it.

Here's the weird part: I'm getting involved in activities that not long ago would have had people saying "Fred's doing WHAT??" Today, for example, I spent several hours assisting a church group working with elementary school kids in after-school activities. I committed to doing it for six weeks. And I came away from it thinking it wasn't horrible!

But there's no sense of doing this sort of stuff in the hopes I'll meet someone. I'm just doing things to do things -- for myself!

Honestly, Fred, sometimes I think this is the healthiest way. It gives us a chance to become content with ourselves and learn more about who we are and what we want. Good for you!

So, he was on Facebook this morning on a long trip to see his WMW. He posted from his cellphone on his 5 hour trip to a town close to Canada. He posted "what is the last exit I take to get to" this town. People were giving him actual directions, unknowingly. I posted "The Ocean"

GB

Gerb, that's pretty funny. Is the town anywhere near the ocean? I suppose you could've said Lake Superior.
I have trouble following your situation however because I see bits and snippets of it on all different threads. I assume you're talking about your ex above, not the older guy with the 20-something GF...
Maybe I'm missing something.

Opt

He was near the ocean. You seem to have felt something about my update.

Gerber, you're cracking me up. Yeah, I guess you could say I felt something about your update, but....ummmmmm, isn't this KayC's thread?
I don't think you're supposed to give your updates on someone else's thread, or change their title of it for that matter. I don't know, maybe you and K have some sort of contractual agreement or something. :-)
Anyway, I hope all is well. I'm sorry your BF or ex is driving 5 hours to be with a married woman. Infidelity hurts and keeps hurting. I guess it's why they call it the gift that just keeps on giving. I'm 3 weeks into official divorce. On Wednesday I had to drive my daughter to ex's house to grab a school book at 830pm. Guess who's car was in the driveway? OM#2. I know it shouldn't hurt, but it still did. I would probably be okay with just about anyone else (except of course OM#1, 3 or 4 or 5), but this loser lives across the street from me. Maybe he thinks he's getting the last laugh. Little does he know....

opt

I'm new to MB and don't know the etiquette yet. I thought starting new threads is not recommended by the moniters of these forums.



He is someone who I was to go out on a date with, but I called the date off when I realized he was sexually involved with other women. Yes, I had hoped he and I could start a relationship.



Ouch, you have me beat there, sorry about your situation GB

(((Gerb)))
okay, now I feel terrible. Yeah, you don't want to start a bunch of new threads. But you find your original thread, I think it's "Gerberdaisie's Own Thread" - you can look in your "posts" under "My Stuff" at the top once you're logged in. Then just add your update there. People will be able to refer back to your earlier info to get perspective.

Oh, so it's that guy. Yeh, he's a loser. You deserve much better.

Thanks GB, it's my own fault; I've not fully detached. It's hard cause she's raising my kids 50% of the time, otherwise I wouldn't care as much.

NOW - as for the etiquette: we have successfully THREAD-JACKED KayCStamper's thread and should probably go home before she gets upset with us. I'll go back to "Another AD Story" and I'll check in on your own thread, GB. Best wishes.

Opt

Okay, this got threadjacked/sidetracked somehow, but back to the issue at hand.

Jim and I were talking about every other day and then his phone line got torn down last Saturday, he spoke to me once on a neighbor's phone Monday until we lost connection (I was on a cell and he was on a portable). Haven't heard from him since. I can't help but feel I'm just not all that important to him...am not going to contact him, will see what happens from here.

Been reading on loveshack.org and learned a lot from the threads I've been reading on. Basically not to act on my feelings, to let him make the move even for friendship. To do otherwise would present myself as needy and make him lose respect for me and treat me worse. Interesting. I guess appreciation is a lost art anymore? But it makes sense...

So, let's see. On 10/1 you're ready to back way up and think and start over. Then somewhere between 10/1 and 10/16 you're talking every other day. Now on 10/22 you're feeling that you're not that important to him, even though his phone line's down.

Hey KayC, I'm not trying to give you a hard time; only some perspective. I have no idea anything about this dating business. However, I do know it's easy to lose perspective in these matter.

Optimism

Opt, I don't see what's hard to understand here. He was calling me every other day and now he isn't, that does make me feel less important to him. The last time I talked to him he said he'd call me on his neighbor's phone. I wouldn't expect long conversations on a borrowed phone, but when you're close to someone, you usually want to stay in touch. He's busy working on his place but he'd said he thought he'd be done by last weekend.
We aren't talking relationship issues but he has said/done some things that have confused me. We were engaged for over a year, he broke up with me without notice/discussion, didn't talk to me for two months, then made contact again and spent hours talking to me, then ceased contact, and yes his phone line is down...unless he's gotten it hooked back up again since. Since he resumed contact he said he loved me, but I don't know if that was just out of habit or if he meant it. Right now isn't the time to ask. I am in limbo here and it's a very difficult place to be.

He seems to be confused himself. It's possible that he got 'scared' when he thought of tying a knot. He felt that he would lose his 'freedom'... you know all the common feeling many guys get before wedding?

Yet he obviously still cares for you. But he is not confident enough to admit it, because he is not ready (or who knows, he may never be ready) for a wedding bell. I also suspect that he does want to check on you to make sure you are still 'there' for him.

It's all not fair to you. He needs to make the decision, whether he chooses to be alone without you, or to be with you but to make it official. I know you don't want to demand such decision-making right at this moment, but in the end that is what needs to happen I think.

Well I don't want to push the issue, it's really not the time to push him. However, he is taking the risk of totally losing me, and he has to realize that. You're either committed or you're not. I'm not in any hurry to get back into dating, but he can't count on that either. I don't think he's interested in seeing anyone either. He's busy with his grief, settling the estate, probate, lawyers, fixing up his place, getting it ready for winter, etc. I think he's channeling his energy into being busy/doing...I remember that well from grieving, it helps to keep busy. That is in a way what I am doing too, I have been grieving the loss of my relationship as I knew it with Jim and have been cleaning, readying my place for winter, etc. At least, if nothing else, we're both getting things done!
I think Jim liked our life together, part time though it was, but don't think either of us pictured how it would look full time...and that's okay too, I was completely comfortable taking it slow, but maybe he didn't realize that and felt like he had to do or die, so to speak. Actually, I think slower is better.

Well I have my answer...a week ago he talked to me and mentioned his carpal tunnel was bothering him so he couldn't get anything done around the place, so I invited him up (he'd told me a month ago he'd probably come up some time)...well I was not prepared for his very immediate resounding emphatic NO! He then said we'd best communicate through email (which he's no good at) since his phone's been disconnected, so since I can't see him or talk to him, I get the picture, he really doesn't want to be more than "Christmas Card friends". After crying all the way home, I get home and he emailed me about a t.v. show. ??? I haven't heard from him since. I give up. I can't put stock in what he thinks, does, feels, doesn't feel, etc. It just puts me through the wringer too much, I've let go. Moving on...
Am not sure what I'm moving on to being as I don't want to date, don't trust guys anymore, and am pretty much down on the male population (present company excluded). I just need time to heal and get over this guy. Recognizing he has his issues and HE needs to deal with them, and they aren't healthy for ME and I need to protect myself and surround myself with positive influence, not people that are wishy washy and give out mixed messages and can't be counted on for anything. Am going to continue working on developing friendships, just friendships, doesn't matter if male or female, although I do think that women are less complicated. Ha!