I'm a 36yr old woman,we've been married for 6yrs/together for 21yrs.I've been looking @ this site for a while & have decided to finally post.Dday for me was aug09,found videopics/txts.He has left me 3 times & now I'm on round 3.The 1st time was when I found out my dad was dying from terminal cancer.When he came back for 2nd time,he wouldn't cut off all contact w/her.I tried to get him to do that & he denied everything & got mad & took off again.I've read lb,surviving an a,his needs/her needs.I've told his mom,my friends,some of my family.Well,They're friends on each others fb,he won't add me as a friend & won't take her off of there.She also has a pic of him on her page titled "my guy".Well when I found this I sent her txt saying that I was fighting for my marriage.Well, my wh emailed me back & was very ugly.Meanwhile, she cut his other friend out of the picture since, just leaving my h in the pic.I Want to expose them, but she's a lawyer.Any advice?

Plan B! I would go into Plan B pronto!

I would also get evidence of the affair and expose wide and far. But since you have waited this long, there is no reason you can't go into Plan B now and then expose.

Do you have any kids?

Expose- so what if she's a lawyer- it's not slander if it's the truth.

I am jumping in on the exposure and Plan B bandwagon.

No,I don't have any children.i am shaking in my boots guys.I'm already down to 100lbs here.Should I expose on fb?Should I send him plan b letter 1st.I am a complete and utter wreck!

I do have evidence.The phone,& all kinds of other stuff.Especially w/ that pic on fb.Should I send a message on fb?How should I go about this?I love the guy,but hes put me through a lot!

DG, the first step is to run to the bookstore and get the book Surviving an Affair and read it.

The next step will be ask your husband to move out. Hopefully, he will move out so you don't have to move or get him legally removed. Tell him his continued contact with OW is too painful and you need him to go.

Once you get him out, we can help you with Plan B and exposure.

I have read surviving an affair & he has moved out.I've just been trying so hard to get him to knock it off.I've been considering going into plan b for the past few days now.I've just been scared to death about exposing.His family knows but they don't want to get involved.

ok, good, then most of your work is done. I would work on a good Plan B letter and send it to him. Designate an intermediary and stay as dark as night. Once you send that letter it will be important to not let him get through and I mean by that to not read his texts, answer his calls or read his emails.

Who told his family? You or him?

I told his family.His mom told me to just send him a letter telling him that I was moving on if he didn't want to make all necessary changes.

ok, good. I would make up an exposure list, including the OW's family and expose to her family. Where else can you expose?

I would prob say some of his friends they're on fb too.The thing is that his mom hasn't told him that she knows.ow has a daughter on fb also,she's older.I would like to expose to her friends/family.Don't have any access to his email or anything.

Expose them on Fb.

Change the locks.

Write a plan B letter. Find an IM to help you if he needs to talk to you.

And focus on yourself and NOT on the marriage.

eat healthy
read self help books
exercise
Focus on your needs
etc...

Stay DARK very Dark on plan B
No texting
no emails
no calls
nothing!!

Block his email and phone number so he can't reach you.

Then you can tell him his mother knows. And shame on her for not helping you!!! Why has she not spoken to her son and set him straight? What kind of an uncaring mother is this?


Exposing by sending private messages to the OW facebook friends and family would be helpful. Is she married? You would copy all her friends into a word doc. Then send private messages to select friends and family spacing the messages 1 minute apart. If you don't space them out FB will suspend you for flooding.

Here are some sample letters:

Facebook exposure letters

Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

thanks,ml for all of your advice.Like I said I am a mess.His mom has helped me a lot,I just feel that she's scared for her sons well being,He won't even call her or anything,I'll do what we've discussed here.I'm just in so much pain,this is worse than when my dad died.

no,i believe she's divorced.when i looked her up it said that she's single.She's 39 my wh is 37

I know you are in pain, dg. I promise it won't always be like this.

It would be very helpful if his mother would call him up and express her disappointment. She could also help by calling up the skankho and telling her to leave her son alone, that there is no future with her son. She could tell her that she will never allow her to darken her doorstep. This is what I would do if this were my son.

We have had many parents of adulterers cause so much hell in their kids affairs that they ended the affair. Will she help you kill this affair?

daddysgirl136,

I understand how you feel and it is worse than a death, you have to live through the same stages which takes time......hang in there, just go minute by minute for now.....
Your only shot is to expose the affair on the OW's side, she has a child her family if they care about her will speak to her about being involved with a married man.
So what if she is a lawyer, you are speaking the truth and you are trying to save your marriage.........
Write your husband a Plan B letter and then move on with your life......
Then he must do some soul searching to figure out his life.......let him feel what his life will be with all the decisions he has made, let him feel the stress of being someone who can't be a man of honor.....
You need to take care of yourself, try to eat regularly, try to stay busy with something, talk to friends and family..........exercise...........therapy can help.......
Breathe............when you do see him, be the woman he fell in love with.........show him what he is giving up with his choices...........
come here for help, lots of shoulders to lean on......

If she's an attorney in a large firm, I'd start exposing to her partners. She will be mortified and they would probably frown on one of their attorneys behaving in such a way. If they have a website, you can look up each partner's phone/email information and go to town.

ty for all of your support.This does feel worse than death.I'm coming up w/ plan b letter & strategy 4 exposing.Especially to ow family.ty 4 understanding,i feel like everyone treats me like a nut 4 trying to save my marriage.