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Wow, she just came in the bedroom again and made it clear we are through forever.
>buzzer< WRONG ANSWER !
If she actually were "through forever" ... you would have heard the door slam on her way out. Her coming in to make the announcement is NOT being "through forever".
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Thsi killed us forever. She will never, ever, be with me again.
She's still there ... She's just buried under some pile of stinking-adultery-thinking.
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I don't know guys, I'm really starting to believe she is sincere. Help! I don't want to have made a huge mistake! Talk me down...
She is EMOTIONALLY scrambled. Think of her currently as an egg. Break that egg, toss it in the Cuisinart ... set on twirled and whirled ... THAT is what her "thinking" process is. Scrambled. Her current, and short span future behavior will be ~~~> EMOTIONALLY-DRIVEN.
Another thing.....I am sure that the OMW is making his life a living HE** right now. TODAY, he is probably walking the straight and narrow. Tomorrow, however, he will get brave enough to try to contact her (if he was really vested in the relationship). Many times ONE of the affair partners was really not as emotinally involved as the other (usually the man) and once he is caught, will tuck his tail and run. This entails dropping the OW like a hot potatoe. This never sits well with the OW. She is already embassassed, but being tossed out like takeout sacks is more than she can bare. It will be a devastating blow to her ego and will fuel her emotions for several days.
Humbled, I'm just sitting here shaking my head. You sir did a STELLAR explosure (new word). You'll be one for the MB record books and I hope after all this is over, you stick around and guide other fearful BHs.
She is behaving and reacting exactly according to the script.
Good job!
Last edited by princessmeggy; 09/02/1009:28 AM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Another thing.....I am sure that the OMW is making his life a living HE** right now. TODAY, he is probably walking the straight and narrow. Tomorrow, however, he will get brave enough to try to contact her (if he was really vested in the relationship). Many times ONE of the affair partners was really not as emotinally involved as the other (usually the man) and once he is caught, will tuck his tail and run. This entails dropping the OW like a hot potatoe. This never sits well with the OW. She is already embassassed, but being tossed out like takeout sacks is more than she can bare. It will be a devastating blow to her ego and will fuel her emotions for several days.
Yep, yep, and yep. I got completely plastered the night of D-Day (2 bottles of wine, no food all day and a huge workout at the gym that afternoon while in a state of shock) and ended up falling against my dresser at about midnight, "hic" . This prompted an ambulance and a trip to the ER for stitches in my forehead, accompanied by my panicked, stricken, remorseful WH. Don't for a minute think all is well on the OM Estate. No, siree,bob.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
Just got caught up - AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME. Stay the course!!!!!
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook) After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11 D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them' Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more' Tony Robbins
Here it is, in my WW's letter to OMW: "I gave sex to get love (that I was missing), and he gave love to get the sex that he was missing."
So she confessed to a PA to OMW, now OM cannot deny there was sex! Your W is doing your work for you.
Remind OMW to get STD testing.
God Bless Gamma
No, sorry - taken out of context. No PA. They had cybersex and he basically pleased himself to thoughts, words, and pics of my WW daily. UGH...I don't want to think about it, but at least it's not the other.
And yes, everyone, before the questions start flying, I have seen everything, and I mean EVERYTHING (can't say how in case she finds this site before she's ready to understand) and there was no PA. Although I agree, it would have eventually gotten there, which is why I finally smartened up and did this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
You people make me feel so much better. I hate this. I hate watching my WW in pain. She is still my DW to me. I know this is necessary and tough love but I hate this - and I hate that she hates me. I love her with all my heart.
When I left this morning for work WW was sitting in our walk-in closet alone and sobbing. It broke my heart. All I wanted to do was hold her and comfort her, but I can't because she hates my guts right now. This is so hard to watch.
I am blocking OM's #s on our phones today - no calls or text in or out anymore. I haven't gotten a GPS yet but I took the car with the carseats in it to work today and I will tomorrow as well - so she really can't go anywhere because she's home with the kids, unless she abandons them there alone, which I doubt she would do. And she can't really take off with them. As for FB, I can't really block it yet because it is one of the only places she is talking to her family (she won't answer the phone) and she needs their support. She has deleted all her FB friends except her 8 blood relatives.
Good news, I think: She sent him a message this morning on FB (deleted but not blocked yet, so private messages can be sent). She basically said she was sorry and hoped he could fix his marriage, but that she would have him if he couldn't. He wrote back: "I can't talk to you anymore. Goodbye."
Disappointing but not surprising that she did that. Maybe now that that option is shut down the threats will slowly subside. Happy about his reponse - sadly, it's the way I wish my WW would have ended it, but I always knew the addiction was worse for her than him. He knows there's a pissed of man guarding his family now who won't be letting him in my family's life. Like you all said - run away with your tail between your legs, coward.
She called me at work today. She has made an appointment with a divorce attorney for September 15th. It costs $100 for the consultation. I forgot to tell her I am not paying for it - crap. Should I tell her now or wait until the date approaches and then ask her how she's paying for it?
You people make me feel so much better. I hate this. I hate watching my WW in pain. She is still my DW to me. I know this is necessary and tough love but I hate this - and I hate that she hates me. I love her with all my heart.
When I left this morning for work WW was sitting in our walk-in closet alone and sobbing. It broke my heart. All I wanted to do was hold her and comfort her, but I can't because she hates my guts right now. This is so hard to watch.
Oh, for the love of God. Here, this is for your WW, Humbled:
Sorry, I'm feeling impatient today.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
She also keeps asking me questions. She asked me today if I told the OM about all her lies - I think she is trying to find a loophole in his goodbye message. Like if it's because of me doing that then she could fix it and be with him. I told her I said nothing to him about her and I.
She just called again and said she was confused about the appointment. I asked her how she was going to pay for it - she said with "our" money. I said I wasn't interested in spending our money on a divorce. She said I can't do that and got mad. Told me to get it through my head. I said I was going to fight for our marriage and family.
Then she got mad and asked me how I ever thought she could be romantically involved with me after what "I did". Got to love that one. I should be asking that to her!
Then she said, "The most I could ever do would be to live in the same house for the kids in the guest room, but that would never work."
Okay all, I know its still fogspeak, but help me decipher.
She also keeps asking me questions. She asked me today if I told the OM about all her lies - I think she is trying to find a loophole in his goodbye message. Like if it's because of me doing that then she could fix it and be with him. I told her I said nothing to him about her and I.
She just called again and said she was confused about the appointment. I asked her how she was going to pay for it - she said with "our" money. I said I wasn't interested in spending our money on a divorce. She said I can't do that and got mad. Told me to get it through my head. I said I was going to fight for our marriage and family.
Then she got mad and asked me how I ever thought she could be romantically involved with me after what "I did". Got to love that one. I should be asking that to her!
Then she said, "The most I could ever do would be to live in the same house for the kids in the guest room, but that would never work."
Okay all, I know its still fogspeak, but help me decipher.
She is deep in fog/withdrawal and is goading you. She doesn't really want a D, you know that, Humbled? Trust me. If she did, she'd be beating the bushes looking for someone to help her, like her parents. She wouldn't be calling the 'enemy' (that's you right now, btw) to help her plot her exit strategy.
Somewhere in there is your DW, interfering with the demon. She'll be back.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
She called me at work today. She has made an appointment with a divorce attorney for September 15th. It costs $100 for the consultation. I forgot to tell her I am not paying for it - crap. Should I tell her now or wait until the date approaches and then ask her how she's paying for it?
My instinct says to not to create conflict about this because she is just saying this to punish you for ruining her affair. This will blow over I predict.
If she brings it up again, I would let her know that if she does file for divorce, you will be countersuing on grounds of adultery and will go for primary custody of the kids and possession of the house. You will have the OM subpoenaed to the stand to give testimony of the affair. The idea here is make sure she knows that you will not cooperate with any divorce schemes.
BUT...I don't predict she will ever file or even follow through on the appointment. She is just blowing smoke because you ruined her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
[She doesn't really want a D, you know that, Humbled? Trust me. If she did, she'd be beating the bushes looking for someone to help her, like her parents.
MB is exactly right, H. She doesn't want a divorce. She only wants to punish you for taking away the crack pipe.
I would also be sure and inform the OMW of every single contact. The OM might be telling her no contact today but that can quickly change. Every contact should be met with a rash of CRAP, ie: contacting the OMW and the OM. He is a coward and can be easily run off.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Okay all, I know its still fogspeak, but help me decipher.
Imagine your wife had become hooked on methamphetamine. You tried and tried to get her to quit, and she promised and promised to quit, but still kept right on using her drug behind your back and lying about it to your face.
Finally, one day, you stop waiting for her to quit on her own because you know she's never going to do that.
So, you get into her secret stash of meth (that she didn't know you knew about) and destroy ever last bit of her meth. And you call the cops on the drug dealer so he can't sell her anymore.
Wife comes home and finds YOU destroyed her drug and YOU fixed it so she can't get any more.
How do you think she would react?
Me, BW WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
she cannot take the kids away and hide them from you!
. This prompted an ambulance and a trip to the ER for stitches in my forehead, accompanied by my panicked, stricken, remorseful WH. Don't for a minute think all is well on the OM Estate. No, siree,bob.
