My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling for the last several months. He did not want to go,but I insisted that it was crtital to improving our relationship, but things only got worse. Most recently, he suddenly decided he was leaving home for an undetermined amount of time. He ended up coming back nearly 4 weeks later. During his absense, we had very strained communications ( nothing new there), but what was different, was as I shared my feelings ..... it became more and more clear that he couldn't care less about the saddness I felt by his absence. When he did return, we went to counseling again... Thats when it became crystal clear that no matter how much I want this to work.... it isn't going to. I know I need to end this marriage, but it breaks my heart to do so. We said we would be together forever..... 24 years is not forever, but at the same time our relationship is so dysfunctional and hurtful. My next step is to actually file for divorce. I am scared that doing so may illict a viloent reaction on his part or another suicide threat. How do I get the nerve to let it to and file for the divorce, when both hanging on and letting go are both so painful. I feel paralyze. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appriciated.

p4ever, you have been registered from 2002.

Found one of your old posts from 2005?
Partners...

First, I am so sorry for your pain.

I read your recent post, and searched for previous posts to try and get a feeling for your situation. It seems that when you posted this, there were some very significant issues of control and emotional abusiveness going on. Have any of these issues been addressed in these past 2 years, or are you still pretty much at the same place?

Get help...call a IC and find out your options. This has gone on long enough.

Hi, P4ever. I understand your aversion to ending a marriage by divorce. But think of it this way: you vowed to be together, sickness and health, richer or poorer, forsaking all others, till death do you part. Does your husband seem like a stranger to you? Do you have trust that you could lean on him if you were seriously ill, and trust him to care for you with your best welfare in his heart? If he has mistreated you to the point that you can't trust him, then your husband is gone, and your marriage is dead.

If he is making you feel that he would harm you or attempt suicide if you file for divorce, then he is using extortion to keep you under his influence. Don't fall for it. He alone is responsible for his actions.