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Joined: Sep 2010
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I am 44 years old. married 22 years this month. we have two children 17, 14 years old. for the past 13 or so years, i have only given my husband oral sex as a means of making love. we have NOT had intercoarse for at least 13 years or more. Obviously there are other issues, especially that I "never said anything" which is his continuous response to my feelings regarding this. he doesn't see it as a problem. we have been separated for awhile now as a result of this. i just can't seem to move past this issue......need advise, or reassurance that that is not a normal way to conduct a marriage. Help
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I don't understand. Why did you separate? What are your feelings about the oral sex? Why have you not had intercourse?
Do you want to save your marriage? If so, I would click on the notify button and ask the moderators to move this to the MB101 forum.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2010
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as i said, this is quite complicated. sorry if i leave things out. was just hoping to get some feedback. obviously i am a very sexual person, or i would not have performed the oral sex week after week, year after year. i don't know why we havn't had intercourse....that is the question. i always knew there was something wrong. it was somewhat of a joke between us. "we won't get pregnant this way" etc....as we didn't want more children. we went to counseling briefly, and his reply was, it just was that way, he doesn't know why. the counselor suggested a enhancing pill such as viagra, etc., but this wasn't necessary as there was no problem what-so-ever in getting or keeping an errection, he just can't or won't have intercoarse only i can do oral sex to him.....that is the confusion. and i want more....
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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And have you told him you don't want to have sex this way? Why won't he have sexual intercourse?
Why did you separate?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2010
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We can't help you if we don't have the full story.
So it's your husband that doesn't want intercourse?
I agree you should move this thread to the 101 forum. There will be more help for you there.
Have you TRIED intercourse? Has he specifically said he DOESN'T want intercourse?
Does your husband watch porn?
Is the sex issue the reason you are separated right now? Are there other reasons?
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Joined: Sep 2010
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we are talking about a two year history of this going on. yes, i wrote him letters, and verbally told him i was not content with this. as i said, we went to counseling too. he tried one night to become aroused to have intercoarse with me....but it was taking sooooo long, i got frustrated and knew that he would be fine if i just did the oral sex thing on him. i actually left our home. i have not really been back permanently since then. i have asked him many times since then, "please, let's try again, let's have sex, let's make love", now he says there is too much pressure. i'm sure i could go back, and live the way we did for 22 years, to stay married as i never planned on being divorced. he says we have to work on this, but i believe he has a bigger problem.....he just won't admit it....
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Joined: Nov 2009
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This really sounds like someone who has focused on porn. Pornography portrays women (yeah, I know, sometimes men, too) as available orifices to be utilized selfishly. If you are only using the orifice, there is no need to expend effort in emotional bonding and mutual satisfaction. I hope this is not the case.
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Thank you for your reply. He is the father of my children, and a very good man in all areas. But yes, I do believe there is a bigger problem than just "not having intercourse" There seems to be a bigger issue,and I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it. I do feel violated in a way, especially because he doesn't see anything wrong with how we conducted our marriage in the bedroom.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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