How do you deal with this time factor? I can't do it anymore. The affairs are over, but he won't talk to me about important stuff. We have conversations like acquaintences (sp) ...<BR>I have a deep need for sex ... go figure, that's usually the mans area I know.<BR>But I do. During the affair, especially the emotional affair. Our sex was great! HE had the best of both worlds. ALthough we have let a lot of bad in the bedroom, as far as porn, fantasies, talking about other people (not the normal stuff)! <BR>Since we have been trying to piece our lives back together, that is one thing I did ask for, was an exciting sex life with just us. We never actually allowed anyone else in the bedroom, just talk. But it is os hard to have sex now. The past few nights I have been sexual and so forth and it just didn't happen. Last night I didn't even try, just went to bed. Well he woke me up about 2am and we had sex, not fireworks, but it was good and definately a need for me. Well this morning I get up - log in - and low and behold he spent the night with Southern Charms! I don't feel hurt .... I just feel like it will never change. We will never have what a life that can be happy with each other. It irritates me that it takes a web site or me talking about fantasy to get him going. I don't mean normal fantasies either and no he won't go to counseling. His excuse for that has been his dads a preacher, don't want it to get out, we can't afford it, don't need someone else to him what his problems are.<BR>Good note -- he has been very loving as of late, but there's no real Intimacy! Help I can't keep going! Want to go outside and scream.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P><BR>

Go ahead and scream. Let it out. <P>I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I can not understand men like your husband. I crave a wife who desires emotional and physical intimacy. <P>I do know the feeling that it seems like it will never change. <P>If he is becoming more loving, maybe what you are doing is working. Maybe you just need to give it a long time. Don't give up. We all want the same thing. We just have to keep trying.<P>SHA <P>

Mater,<P>How long have the affairs been over? For me,<BR>it's been over 1.5 years, but H is still not "intimate". I don't mean sexual -- we have a decent sex life, although apparently not the rockets he had with OW. I mean intimacy in touching, cuddling, telling inner thoughts. That has vanished and yes, it is sooo sad. It hurts more than anything.

EllenA<BR> The physical affair the sex stopped about 6 months or so ago, the emotional affair has only been over a month. Our sex was great until recently when I finally drew the line! Now I am missing intimacy and great sex.<BR>THere is nothing wrong with adding fireworks to your relationship, but it needs to be mutual and not downgrading to either party. <BR>DOn't do something you are uncomfortable with to please him.<BR>I am not much help, because I am still very hurt and hate that I have to the working when he is the one that screwed up. But I know I had my part in it to. and I should have a better attitude, the good thing is I don't beat him up, I just hold it in hoping one day he'll break down and see what I hope I've meant to him. I wish sometimes I could just jump up and down and scream and holler and fight, but that's not my personality. I don't want to be the reason for someone else pain. Weird huh?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>