This is my first post and a long one so read when you have time and give me some meaningful advice...please!!!

I'm 35 years old and have been married for 12 years. My wife and I are high school sweethearts. Well, after high school I went into the military for 4 years. After I served my term in the military a year later my wife and I were married. The thing is that we never had sex until 6 months before we were married. My wife was a virgin when we met high school and was supposedly a virgin up until we started having sex 6 months before we were married. We've had several problems (like most married couples) during our marriage and we seemed to work them out. The past three years we've been having problems in the bedroom. I think it's mostly my fault because my wife doesn't have orgasms like she did in the past. Well, last year I suspected her of cheating. I didn't get upset or confront her about it I was suspicious because of the things she was saying and how she was acting. When she mentioned other relationships, she would comment about women saying how good their men were in bed. She would also comment about penis sizes and what her friends or whoever she talked to was saying. Now, I know I'm not hung like Mandingo but I don't think I'm hanging with Webster either so I didn't think that was the problem. She doesn't go out at all so I don't know when she could be spending time with another guy. But, she is a stay at home mom and she could do a lot while I'm at work. So in desperation I tapped our home telephone. I did this for a while, until I heard THE call. It was a conversation between her and her best friend. She was saying how she wanted this other guy. She was even planning to go to this guy�s house. She was asking her friend of a good story to tell me and if she should do it or not. She also was describing how incredible the guy is. Needless to say when I heard this conversation I was livid. I immediately confronted her about this. I told her I over heard the conversation from the bedroom but when I left to clear my head after the confrontation she found my device. To cut this story short she told me that she was fantasizing about having an affair with this guy because of all the good sex stories her friends were talking about. She said she was exaggerating and never had sex with him. Of, course I don't believe her because most people don't lie to their best friends. They would lie to their parents before they would lie to their friend. To this day she still said nothing happened but a couple a hugs and a kiss on the cheek. I don't know whether to take her at her word or not. I know women are emotional creatures and if she had an intimate relationship with this guy it's probably not over...she probably has developed feelings for him and is trying to hide it to keep the relationship alive. I don't know what to do. I am dying inside. I can't imagine another man touching her. I really don't know what to do. She says she still loves me but she can love me and still have something on the side.

Can someone please give me some advice on this...please?

You'll need to give us a little more info on what she said in the conversation. With what you gave us, it sounds like she's fantasizing.

What, exactly, did she say they did?

She didn't say what they did in the conversation. When I confronted her she said that they did't do anything but hug and a kiss on the cheek... intimate. Thing is I don't believe her. I think more happened and she doesn't want to tell me. How can I know for sure?

Who is this guy? Do you know how they met? How they communicate?

You need to read up on Plan A...while you SNOOP. I'll be back with a link for you

PS
Do you have any kids? If so, ages?
Any other affairs for either of you in the past?

I don't know who the guy is...she said they met while she was shopping. He approached her and she gave him her cell number. When he calls it showed up as an "unkown number".
She said he called her and she sometimes goes to her mother's house to talk to him. I guess so to not leave any trace of phone numbers. She also told me they met while she was shopping.

I wouldn't call it snooping. I would call it protecting my heart. What's Plan A?

Two girls ages 11 and 7. I have not cheated since I've been married. This is the only time I've been suspicious of her doing anything.

I was too suspicious because maybe she was curious (because of me supposedly being her only partner)and our sex life has not been so great the past few years. She also said in the conversation that he said he had a fireplace and she has never had sex in front of a fireplace. She told me in the past the only sexual encounters were oral (her getting but not giving)...that why I say supposedly because I'm not sure she is telling me everything.

SteveP,

As one of our more infamous President's said Oral sex isn't sex. Of course oral sex is sex. She is and has been having an emotional and physical affair with this man. It is just that simple,no need to debate it with her. She has already told you it was physical. I suppose she would not think it was cheating if you picked up some girl or better yet became good friends with a girl and she satisfied you orally would she?

Step 1. Start reading ALL of the articles on this site and I mean all of them.

Once you have read them come back and ask lots of questions. Your W is having an affair and until that affair ends your marriage has little chance.

I look forward to hearing from you.

God Bless,

JL

Couple of things:

~ DO NOT tell her about this site, about Plan A, etc.

~ Waywards LIE LIE and then LIE some more. So you can't trust anything she says. It may have gone full blown PA. He may also be a coworker or old boyfriend she reconnected with on FB. IDK if I buy the "met while shopping" story.

~ Get a keylogger onto the computer and a VAR/GPS in the car, unless you have the $$ for a PI.

~ Try to get info on OM by getting a report on his phone # at intellius.com

Can you get into her email/FB accounts?

Again, you don't want to drive her further underground so do all of this quietly and dial down on the M talk. Try to meet her needs and avoid LBers. Make sure to read the Plan A link I gave you...

Sounds like a PA

Sorry you are here but this is the best place for you.

Do everything susie mentioned.

Also when you find out more information don't confront her, she already knows that she is cheating on you.

You also need to start gathering all the information so you can expose this affair to EVERYONE!

Yes, I know oral sex is sex. She said a guy performed oral sex on her before we were married not with this guy.

Where can I get a good VAR/GPS device? She is not very computer savvy and she doesn't have a FB account. I have traced the history on our computer and there nothing there...it's all face to face and phone conversations.

So, you all definitely think she is having an affair with some guy. You don't think it's some fantasy or exaggeration to her friend?

She already admitted to secret conversations with him and fantasizing about sex...so at the very least she has confirmed this is an EA.

Then she has admitted to a hug and a kiss...usually it's more than they admitted to but what she already admitted to is that it has escalated to a physical level.

What kind of phone does she have? Depending on the model you may be able to activate the GPS that way thru the phone provider or you can install flexispy (go to the website to see if its compatible). If that doesn't work, one GPS you can get is one at Target, you place it in the car and track it via computer. VARs you can pick up at any Staples type of store. There is more info on all of this on the Spying thread...

What is a VARs? She has a Blackberry flip.

VAR = Voice Activated Recorder

This is the link for Flexispy:
http://www.flexispy.com/spyphone-remote-listening-blackberry.htm

It looks like you can do the remote bugging with this (instead of the VAR) but you will have to contact them to make sure it is compatible with your W's phone.

What service do you have? You may be able to GPS track her through the cell. Can you get ahold of her phone to install all this stuff?

I have alltel. I can get a hold of her phone easy. I know the password to her voicemail.

OK, I had one of these...that's how I found out about EA.

Good job on the VAR! The GPS is probably most important intel you can get going now then. Unless you can afford a PI to follow her.

You need to get the goods(quietly) on OM as well. Did you run the report through intelius on his cell #?