I would do nothing with this intel because it is not evidence of an affair. This is not enough to show your hand. Keep working on getting the goods.

SH, I agree, this is not enough. Did you check the cell records?

If this is OM, then you would likely find many many texts and/or calls going back and forth aside from this one exchange.

ALSO did you look into putting flexispy on her phone?

Another thought - you might be able to get a name for OM. Call his number using *67 before his number. Using *67 will make your number show up on his phone as "call restricted" and a lot of people won't answer restricted calls. It'll go to his voice mail. He may have put his name on the voice mail recording.

Caveat: Be ready with a totally fake name if he answers. Change your voice and ask for an odd name, like Carlos or Virgil. Something his name probably wouldn't be. Some people will respond by correcting you and saying their own name "No, this is Charlie. You've got the wrong number."

Just found who om is Saturday. Keylogger helped as my wife's password for e-mail and FB was 4uom. Wife was at a service project yesterday when I texted her om's name. OM was there at service project also. Wife told om, "I just got a text with your name on it." OM said "o.k." Wife told OM that she did not want to be romantically involved. OM asked "so where do we stand?"

Wife told me several weeks ago she had stopped all contact with OM. She also told me she put a halt to it. When I confronted her about OM saturday, I said "no more secrets, secrets keep us sick." She told me OM was at service project with her and that OM called her Friday. So much for no contact! She also stated that she does not want to lose her friendship with OM. She stated that she would not stop being friends with him. I then told her I would have to consider contacting OM and his wife. OM wants to destroy my family. I cannot let this happen. At same time, I cannot lose my wife. I am deeply in love with her. After I told her I may contact OM and his wife, my wife once again threatened to leave me. She does this every time I bring issue up. Seems like emotional blackmail to me.

Bottom line, my wife and I cant work to improve our marriage if she is still in contact with her lover.

P.S.-Wife started wearing wedding ring again last week.

Advice, Suggestions?

Good news:
Great job on getting OM's name!!

Bad news:
She won't end the A if you threaten her. STOP IT! If you continue to do this, she will just find a way to get you to back down while she continues the A (by threatening you with D or by lying and telling you it is over). You are just pushing her further into the arms of OM by trying to talk her out of her A.

Like MB said, you need to expose this. DON'T TALK TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS!!!!!

First person to expose to is OMW. Please do it immediately. This will likely kill the A.

This was a mistake, SH, becuase you have just forewarned the affairees of your battle plan. I would expose this affair today before they pre-empt you. CAll the OMW and tell her about the affair TODAY.

The affair should also be exposed to their employer, her parents, your parents, close friends and family. Ask these people to speak to her and use their influence to bust up the affair. I would do this all in the same day so you have a tsunami effect instead of a trickle.

Exposure is the greatest weapon you have in saving your marriage.



Thats ok. This is a common threat. And it is blackmail. She is saying that she will only stay with you if you protect her affair. Are you willing to enable her affair so the OM can destroy your marriage?

Exposure is not a bargaining chip. It isn't an axe you hold over your wife's head. It is a TOOL to end her affair. It is the axe you WIELD to end the affair.


Of course she doesn't - she wants him AND you meeting as many ENs of hers as she can get. This is the perfect scenario for her. It's no different than a married man who keeps a long-standing mistress.

You don't get to sleep with someone and then go back to 'just being friends'.

You're gonna have to man up here.

Your marriage will not withstand her 'friend'. Just the fact that she's willing to threaten ending the marriage, but won't consider leaving this 'friend' tells you all you need to know.

You need to get your exposure list ready. It doesn't matter if you said you wouldn't expose - that was a bad promise to make. Expose to OMW, your families and close friends. If this is a work thing expose to their work.

The OW in my sitch said the same thing to her H before exposure. She told her BH that she would leave him if he made her stop being 'friends' with my H, because he "couln't tell her who she could be friends with." Then she and my H were exposed at their workplace.
The ending is textbook - she stayed with her husband. Didn't leave him for even a minute.

9/20-Told wife I could no longer live like this. Wife decided to leave town where no one could contact her (will return 9/24). She said she had to figure things out. Wife met me at work parking lot where she brought her cell and work phones. Made wife call om and tell him to not contact her while I was sitting in car. I could hear him pleading, "Wait, bear with me." Wife was crying. After she hung up, she handed the cell phone to me. Texts from om started immediately, "I will do anything for you. I love you. Whatever your choice, let it be your own, and make it from a position of strength and certainty. Do not be cowed and do not act in haste or in fear of the unknown. You know plenty. Trust yourself. I will be here." Later in the day, I sent OM following text from wife's cell phone: "This is ****'s husband*****. Where have all your thoughts and feelings been about your wife and children throughout this. This has less to do with me and more to do with *** and our children. If you continue your affair with her it will ultimately cause deep wounds and scars for our children and destroy our children. The continuation of this affair will ultimately destroy ***because it is outside marriage and not in the will of God. What about your own family? Do you really want to destroy them? Do you want to see them scarred, wounded, and betrayed? Do you want them to carry pain & hurt into the next generation? I will gladly forgive you, but clearly what you are doing now is morraly wrong and will ultimately have devastating consequences for you, *****, and everyone else concerned. Please consider what I'm saying." OM did not respond.

9/21-Checked wife's e-mail via e-blaster. Found hundreds of messages between OM and wife dating back to July, 2007. What a shocker!!!! Excruciating stuff to read. Wife told me affair was only for 1 month, not 3 years!!!! Going crazy bat [censored] by this time but made it through work. When I got home, checked wife's e-mail again but she changed password (I guess remotely from hotel where she is staying). Fortunately, e-blaster reports contained fairly representative sample (about 40) of e-mails between om and wife during 3 year period.

9/22/10-Found out om is a serial adulterer. Married high school sweetheart who he cheated on in the 1980s through today. OM is also currently having affairs with other women in addition to my wife. Plan to get tested for STDs next week.

9/23/10-Printed e-blaster reports-2copies. Wife called around 4:00 pm. I asked her, "Are you committed to rebuilding our marriage?" She said she couldn't answer on phone and will talk face to face when she returns tomorrow afternoon. Her voice was cold. I then called OM's wife who met me at coffee shop. I carried e-blaster report and wifes cell phone to meeting. Gave her report and showed her text messages. She is a sweet woman with a great heart. She and OM have not had sex in years. She kept it together remarkably well when I presented her with the evidence. Her concern was for her children. She seemed to have little concern for herself or OM. Around 9:00 pm, I start receiving texts from her. She kicked her husband out of the house. I think I empowered her by providing her that information. They do not make enough money to support two households, so om may end up living in an efficiency appartment. Oh, did I tell you om is a divorce lawyer specializing in family matters? Also, his wife works part time at his law office. Wife is going to tell his law partners. I fear om's fall will be hard and fast.

Well, at least my wife and OM can be together now. They deserve each other. They can snoop behind each other to see which one cheats first!

Peace out

How did you find this out?

Did you not expose this to them already?

The chance is very good that she will try to keep her M together. Like you're doing.

SH, you're spending too much time and energy speculating about OM's downfall. His day with the Karma Bus is coming.

I know the pain you're in.

Good job so far on Exposure but have you told EVERYONE about the affair not just his wife?

Are you going into a plan A from here? Have you read Surviving an Affair? there are some great threads here on plan a and the stick and carrot read them they are wonderful tools. Now that exposure has been made PLAN A