My husband of five years has cheated three different times that I know of. He also had a threesome with one of the woman and her husband ,he has a history of mental probs, he is on paxil now but he refuses to talk to me . I try to be very calm and cool about what I recently discovered and I am giving him breathing room because he attempted suicide two months ago and also in march of last year. I just dont know what I should do ,I dont know how to deal with all of this

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. Have you tried to find a counselor/therapist for you?

.

<small>[ February 14, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: WhirrledPeas ]</small>

WP,
you're good.
it's like you own the place......hard to believe you just dropped in 100 posts ago. How did you figure it all out so quickly??

.

<small>[ February 14, 2004, 08:23 AM: Message edited by: WhirrledPeas ]</small>

yea, but where did you get that screen name?

yuck, they taste awful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have been to a therapist and she told me to leave him. I just cant leave when I believe there is love still between us. He says he loves me and he is sorry but he still hasnt talked to me about what went rong , why he is so unhappy in life to want to kill himself and to cheat, when we have a wonderful love life ,he says he is happy with me. We have a daughter and he has a son from a previous marriage. We went to one marriage counsiling and this was before the cheating came to light,I have no idea how to get him to talk to me and tell me what he needs and wants. He is going to a therepist and is on paxil for his depression.

Strawberry...

I know this is an MB site. But I want you to be aware of the task you're taking on if you decide to stay.

Whirrled Peas gave a good general outline of the monumental tasks ahead of you...If you are raising a young child, you might want to ask if you are equipped to deal with a suicidal person who may manifest his self-destructive behaviors in ways that are very dangerous to you (have you been tested thoroughly and more than once for STD's??? any affair, including threesomes, opens up a myriad of bad possibilities, but your H seems to have upped the ante with that one)

What is your H's clinical diagnosis; what is/are his mental illness(es)? Have you spoken with his doctor? Or your own, about how this affects your own health, and that of your children?

Was your H hospitalized for his illness at any time? Do your families know about his issues? Does he hold down a job and support you financially?

What I'm saying is, don't discount the advice your counselor gave you. He has to save himself before you can save your Marriage.

Warmest thoughts
jo

Strawberry,

You have received a couple of responses, but I didn't see you responding to the posters.

I'm sure it's very hard for you to be dealing with his behavior, plus the uncertainty of what to do, etc. It would probably make it so much easier if you could put a name or a diagnosis to his behavior and then know what to expect instead of riding a roller coaster. Unfortunately, no one here is able to give you those answers. He has emotional/psychological issues that need professional help.

Just a little helpful advice, if you want to keep this discussion going, then respond back to anyone who posted you using their name and even some of what they wrote to remind them what you're responding to.

Keep posting.