I'm glad that you came back to answer. You seem to have made the decision that you do want to work on your marriage. Reading the materials on this site and getting the books will help you come to understand the areas in your marriage that were lacking and how to change the way the two of you communicate and relate to each other.

Some of it may seem counterintuitive and may be hard going at first, but what the Marriagebuilders program is at its core is a way of life in which a man and woman can interact with each other in an atmosphere of truth and cooperation. Pretty simplistic description, I know, but that's what it all boils down to. The basic tenets are a template to rebuild trust and confidence, not only in one's self, but also each other. I would start with really filling out the emotional needs worksheet, it can be an eye opening experience. Continue on until you read through everything and can understand it all. You can read through a lot of the threads, past and present on this site, and learn a lot through other peoples situations. There are some admirable people here, smart, strong and willing to help. You'll get to see and know which ones to listen to.

I would also recommend that you get some individual counseling to help you deal with triggers that may occur over time. If you go through the Behavioral Health services on your duty station, the care is free, and there is no stigma or consequence to your career. The services are now bending over backwards to get servicemembers the help they need and removing the obstacles to making that happen. I am both a former NCO and and up until three months ago was a civilian working in healthcare for the Army (don't worry, I won't hold being a Marine against you, after all, it's not like you're in the Navy or anything like that)so I think I know what I'm talking about when I say it might be a good thing for you. Certainly will help you with communication skills and being able to deal with your wife's outbursts without reacting in kind. I hope your wife is reading this also and recognizes that she needs help in being able to corral her temper and angry outbursts. you seem to be a pretty strong guy DRO, take advantage of ALL of the help that is there for the taking. Your wife will follow your lead and hopefully the both of you can begin a new marriage in earnest.

I wish you luck DRO. Please continue to post here or on the SAA board, especially when you're having a problem thinking something through, or even to just keep us updated every once in a while. Of course if you find yourself wanting to talk to one person in particular without posting to everyone, you can send a mesage. Again, best wishes.

Why don't you, as a couple, study and implement the Harley plan for recovery?
It's all about being in love with each other. Not just surviving the past, but having a PLAN for the present/future?

Your best bet is getting Harley coaching.

Checking back with you DRO, wondering how things are? Even if everything is great, check in and say so. You may not think people care, but we do. You are probably around the same age as my oldest son, I'm not your dad but perhaps it is easier to talk to a surrogate instead?

DRO, it is much easier to overcome resentment when you have a great marriage. If you and your wife would throw yourself into this program and follow it strictly, the result will be a happy, romantic marriage. I don't know if you can overcome the resentment, but you are much more likely to do so if there is a pay off.

I would strongly recommend getting counseling with the Harleys or signing up for the online program. It really does work.

Bingo!

Hi DRO,

I haven't been over to this site for years (in fact, it's been so long that pops can't even remember our conversations... ). If you're around, let me know how I can help.

not trying to thread jack. but K I have to offer my sincere apologies . I have forgotten so many of the good people that helped me get thru that confusing time in my life.
Genini1, Joell, Brokenwings, Twisty, P51, BinthereDunthat,Unsure919400, Jenny and of course tigger and JL.

I have no excuse other then those wild 60's.

If it wasn't for this site and you wonderful people I am sure I would be in a different spot today

Thank you

LOL pops! It has been a long time since we've had a discussion, and my memories might not be as clear as they once were. Unfortunately, I was a little too young to enjoy those wild 60's in all their glory!


Amen to that, brother.

DRO---let us know if you drop by and want to chat.