My husband and I have been married for 11 1/2 years. For the most part we have been happy, or so we thought. 7 years ago we had twins who have had a lot of developmental delays and strained our marriage. My husband has always drank quite a bit,during which I put up with a lot of verbal abuse. After a while the drinking just became repulsive to me. About three years ago I had one short affair then one that lasted several months. I realized in the end neither gave me what I needed and both were ended. My husband knew they were going on, but never confronted me. Almost a month ago he confronted me and I told him the truth. We are now trying to work throught it. He says he doesn't want to leave me because he loves me too much. I want no one else, and have not had the desire to since three years ago. However, just yesterday he is starting to distance himself from me. Doesn't want to go back to our councelor, etc. All I want is him. What should I do?

Might want to check his emails, phone, etc he might be having a revenge affair. Not 100% right but it wont hurt you to snoop around and look.

The one thing you need to do with you husband is sit and and discuss some new boundaries in your marriage. Such as...

No talking to other male/female friends outside of the marriage
spending 15 hours OF UA time per week
read "His Needs, Her Needs"
Transparency having emails, phone, FB out and in the open, no hiding and no secrets
Writing a NC letter to BOTH men and have your husband read it and send the letter
etc..

How old are you and your husband?
Do you have kids?
Where both affair physical?
Does your husband know all the details about the affairs?
How did you meet both men?
Are you still in contact with them?

I agree on reading the books. I will be traveling to get His Needs Her Needs Friday, and have ordered How to Survive an Affair. He was out of town for two days and just got back yesterday afternoon. Everything was fine for the first hour, then after he was home for a bit he started getting distant. He has gotten into my FB account...I have nothing to hide. No contact there. To answer your questions....

How old are you and your husband? We are 35
Do you have kids? Yes 2
Where both affair physical? yes
Does your husband know all the details about the affairs? ALL the details
How did you meet both men? Work
Are you still in contact with them? NOOOOOOO

Liz, do you still work with any of the OM? Were they married and have their wives been told?

Were the OM married?
Did you find another job since you said you are no longer in contact with them?

Have you talked to your husband about reading those books? If he wants he can come on here so we can help him.

Not necessarily. He might simply be rethinking his choice to stick with a cheater.

HI Liz

It might help you to have a look at my thread, I have had some very good advice from some of the experts here on how to rebuild the trust and relationship after my affair, when my Husband was in a state of withdrawal.

I do hope he is not having a revenge affair as that will make things much more complicated. I am not saying he is, just might be wise to check that one out first as you will need to do some action here to put a stop to it as you are not going to get anywhere if that is ongoing.

Good luck

Hitch

Liz, you cheated twice...that makes you a serial cheater (a habitual offender).
A spouse thinks twice before taking someone like you seriously.
It is going to take a lot of work from your part and probably, for a while, you will see very little results, if any, from your BS part.
I doubt he is having an A, he is just having a healthy reaction to the cruelty you put him thru.
There is not much you can expect in return from your BS at this stage. You just have to keep doing the right thing just because it is the right thing to do, not because you want a reward for it.
Doing the right thing has to become a way of life for you not just a quick fix to get you BS back and then return to your habitual cheating ways.
blessing