Shockers --- I'm feeling the heat - or something.

I want to know how many of you were raised in a perfect world with perfect parents?

I keep seeing on the boards that it isn't right to bring a child into a world that isn't perfect. Or that it isn't right to try to change something, make a difference, you should just move into a perfect world.

I don't know where that place is.

I have four children and ME - the SINGLE MOM. We live in a not so perfect house, on a not so perfect street, in a not so perfect town - and amazingly enough - most of the time we are fairly happy.

My OS wants me to be THE PERFECT MOM - but he doesn't hold other members of the family to the same rigorous schedule, behaviors, idealisms. So, I guess my point here is ---

WHEN - at what point - do we accept imperfection and just move forward, making necessary changes to live well, and hope for the best?

Where do we make those adjustments and just be who God made us to be and step out in faith that He who created in us a desire will help us to fulfill his good works?

Perfection is a state of being. It isn't a permanent place, or a location - it's a constantly changing thing --- BEING - means on going and continuously moving toward the STATE of PERFECTION......................

It has to be an ongoing process - not a state of permanence. So, where do we get off thinking that we have to have PERFECTION before we 'have children', 'buy a house', 'get married', 'make a friend', 'build a derby car', or anything else that we have to do. So, what is so desperately wrong with moving out in faith and making life work as best you can - in your present circumstances while working hard to change them and make them better?

I think we are missing the boat here folks. Life happens while we are making plans for the events that might come up.

We aren't guaranteed tomorrow - I think we better start living TODAY.

Blessing,

Jan

i agree w/ you, jan.
that is exactly what i have been trying to do for the last year or so.
live MY life and be happy.
i had to go back and make a few changes in my expectations.
and work on my communication.....particularly w/ my H......we are a work in progress.....it took us quite awhile to get this screwed up, long before we even met eachother.........i don't think 1 year is going to be enough to make it all better......even w/ MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jan, I agree with you too. And I look at you. You are not abusing "a man" nor your children. You love your kids and they love you. You work hard for your family. I admire you.

NO ABUSE = nearly perfect world to me.

sj *trouble*,

--I want to know how many of you were raised in a perfect world with perfect parents?

TR---Not Me

--I keep seeing on the boards that it isn't right to bring a child into a world that isn't perfect.

TR--I don't think the world has been perfect since the fall of mankind--

--Or that it isn't right to try to change something, make a difference, you should just move into a perfect world. --

TR--Nah, I'm not ready to died yet--

--I don't know where that place is.

TR--I guess if your cinderella, or sleeping beauty
it's with their prince charming in the castle away from the wicked step mother--

--I have four children and ME - the SINGLE MOM. We live in a not so perfect house, on a not so perfect street, in a not so perfect town - and amazingly enough - most of the time we are fairly happy.

TR--So you have the perfect family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You have love--and kids who love you--that is perfect <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It may not be 'perfect' by someone else's standards but--whose standards are we to live by?? our's or theirs???

--My OS wants me to be THE PERFECT MOM - but he doesn't hold other members of the family to the same rigorous schedule, behaviors, idealisms. So, I guess my point here is ---

TR--Did you asked him what the "perfect mother" acts and looks like?

--WHEN - at what point - do we accept imperfection and just move forward, making necessary changes to live well, and hope for the best?

TR--I guess when were mature enough to realize 'perfection' means different things to different people--and we have to take time to figure out what it means to each of us--

--Where do we make those adjustments and just be who God made us to be and step out in faith that He who created in us a desire will help us to fulfill his good works?

TR--Where we are now--why wait??

--It has to be an ongoing process - not a state of permanence. So, where do we get off thinking that we have to have PERFECTION before we 'have children', 'buy a house', 'get married', 'make a friend', 'build a derby car', or anything else that we have to do. So, what is so desperately wrong with moving out in faith and making life work as best you can - in your present circumstances while working hard to change them and make them better?

TR--Nothing--and I guess looking for others to tell us if we have the not so perfect life we can refute it---we can say--It's perfect for us at the moment!! We are right where God want's us to be--to learn lesson's He want's us to learn--

--I think we are missing the boat here folks. Life happens while we are making plans for the events that might come up.

TR--I agree---so I stopped waiting on the next boat to arrive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

--We aren't guaranteed tomorrow - I think we better start living TODAY.

TR--AMEN!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perfection is a state of being. It isn't a permanent place, or a location - it's a constantly changing thing --- BEING - means on going and continuously moving toward the STATE of PERFECTION...................... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah! The thing is Jan we can all plan out our "perfect" world and do all the "right" things and someone is going to just gonna run through our palace with muddy feet and screw it all up.

On the this subject - - I been thinking about how we are all responsible for OUR choices in life, and yes there are consquences to our actions - good and bad, BUT doggone if I am gonna take everyone elses' consquences too.

How this ties in this myth of the "perfect" world is that I can venture to say that you Jan never WANTED to end up a single mom raising four children alone. I know I was NEVER getting a divorce myself, but this is your life and it was mine too.

Sure maybe it wasn't as you had hoped or planned but it IS your life right now and you can't change that fact.

So is it any less "perfect" for right now? It is what it is.

I get tired of people preaching at people about how children of divorce are this and that.... we all KNOW divorce is hard on children but .. so are a lot of other things that have happened that God knows all about too. Divorce is not the end of the "perfect" world as we know it. Sometimes for people it is the beginning.

No idea why I felt to go here tonight but I did .. hehe

Did you get my email to your yahoo mail last week Jan? Hadn't heard back .. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DZZZ

Dzzzz ---

If I got it - I accidentally deleted it... Please email me again. Put something in the subject line I'll recognize. I had a lot of extra email last week.

This post really is more about the need to find something REAL over the PERFECT... I guess I'm seeking understanding of others that life isn't PERFECT in the real world - we all have faults and they show.

Blessings,

Jan

Some titles of these threads always will bring a certain song to mind. This one reminds me of Huey Lewis, title?...but we keep on dreamin of livin in a perfect world. There isn't a perfect world. And in its imperfections we can find humility and grace. We love one another, understanding the imperfections. And in that will be some substantial perfection! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay - I know this is totally off topic - but I got it from a friend via email...

Jan

Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support
soon, People will think we're nuts."

Jan - I see where you are going with this post and I agree with you. Maybe it comes from the perspective of age and experience? I married young with all kinds of expectations of M - realistic AT THE TIME (age 19 - who knows anything?)but over time, going on 24 years in my case, those expectations were unfulfilled on BOTH of our parts. Now I see they were unrealistic expectations. I am now in my early 40's and much wiser. I am conservative in politics but definitely outside the "norm" of what many people would expect me to be at my age. I no longer live to please people in the sense that I seek to fulfill THEIR vision for my life. I have to live it, I am responsible for it. I will stand before Jesus ALONE on judgement day. My W won't be there, my family won't be there, no one will be there except me and Him. I know that I am saved because I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior many years ago. But I do yearn for Him to say "Well done, O good and faithful servant". In other words, I seek to please Him only at this point in my life. When I was younger and ignorant I worried more about OTHER'S expectation of me, especially my W.

I will offer my list, Jan, from a man's view.

1. It is important for a woman to present herself like a woman, act like a woman, talk like a woman, be soft like a woman, smell like a woman, be exciting as a woman.


2. It is important for a woman to support her man's dreams and visions, even if it requires her to be adventurous and move out of her comfort zone.

3. It is important for a woman to be everything she can be in her spiritual life, emotional life, sexual life with her H in mind as well as her own sense of being.

4. It is important for a woman to be a woman and her man to be a man, inspite of societal pressures and expectations.

5. It is important for a woman to be honest with her man, BEFORE pursuing the relationship, if she is unable or unwilling to make #1-4 as her goals. OR, SHE SHOULD REMAIN SINGLE.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurting Promise Keeper:
<strong>


1. It is important for a woman to present herself like a woman, act like a woman, talk like a woman, be soft like a woman, smell like a woman, be exciting as a woman.


2. It is important for a woman to support her man's dreams and visions, even if it requires her to be adventurous and move out of her comfort zone.

3. It is important for a woman to be everything she can be in her spiritual life, emotional life, sexual life with her H in mind as well as her own sense of being.

4. It is important for a woman to be a woman and her man to be a man, inspite of societal pressures and expectations.

5. It is important for a woman to be honest with her man, BEFORE pursuing the relationship, if she is unable or unwilling to make #1-4 as her goals. OR, SHE SHOULD REMAIN SINGLE. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HPK, I really have trouble making any sense at all out of some of your posts. For example, #4 on your list -- I haven't run into any societal pressures for men to acquire uteruses or for women to acquire Y chromosomes. But in items #1 and #4 you try to represent your own view of masculinity and femininity as what society ought to uphold and pressure people towards, without ever defining what your notions of masculinity and femininity are.

Mine - If you have specific questions I'll try to clarify. I can see where my list is vague - I was in a hurry.

I will expound on #4. I desire a woman who is feminine, sure of herself without being feminist, articulate, supporting, and compassionate - not your stereotypical sitcom or Rosie McDonald type.

Items #1-4 are my personal preferences in women. Yes, I realize some will see my list as chauvinistic. I expect that from a secular forum. I also know some wonderful women that have no problem with accepting those criteria. I would also expect a Christian woman, like Jan, to have high expectations about her "perfect world" man. She deserves that and there are many men out there willing to fulfill that list.

My last post on here was actually a joke I received via email from my cousin who knew I needed a laugh - and would take it that way.

But, to follow through, because I like the direction hPK took the line --- I do have something to add.

Maybe in the line of "need a man who"...

#1. Has his priorities in order. Knows that God is FIRST in his life and keeps his focus there.

#2. Is confident and self assured. Knows who he is and is able to keep a good perspective on life in general, doesn't make too much of the idiocy that happens every day, but is capable of handling his own affairs/business without needing catered to on a regular basis. Can be confident enough to let me be myself without expecting me to nurture his 'needy side' constantly.

#3. Knows that right after God - I better be the next thing on his priority list at any given moment and doesn't hesitate to keep me in that position. I don't need him to cater to me, but rather to be there *with* me and sharing life and participating in FAMILY life with me.

#4. Is enough of a man to treat me like a woman, love me and care about me, and know that I'm not competing with him - I'm just being ME. I need a man who is confident enough in his role as a man to understand that I'm a woman who has a purpose just as he is a man who has a purpose. I'm not greater than or less than or even equal to - I just am - the same as HE is. God has a purpose for my life and just as God has a purpose for his life.

#5. Can accept the responsibilities of being a husband and a father as God given pleasures and be enthusiastic about participating in family life, while maintaining his own vibrance as a person. I don't want him to loose who he is, because he's part of *us* - and visa versa.

ARGH - that's five - and there are so many more... LOL

Jan

Jan - that's quite a list and I feel you, or any other woman, deserve to have the criteria met, BEFORE the relationship gets serious. The same for my list as a man. The problem both sexes run into is when someone is not radically honest or maybe has a hidden agenda that is not divulged PRIOR to M. To me, that is manipulation and deception. And that is why we don't live in a perfect world and we need a Savior! God bless!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And that is why we don't live in a perfect world and we need a Savior! God bless! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank God - we have a Savior!!! Praise the Lord.

Jan