I have read this site over and over and viewed the board some.

5 yrs ago I caught dh in online sex. We recommited to the marriage and thought that was in the past.

A month ago dh confessed out of the blue to sleeping with women before and after that confession.

We have gone through a huge ordeal this month with me asking him to move out then changing my mind and saying I was willing to work on the relationship. Then after a few days after that he would not leave but was sleeping on the couch saying we were never going to have a marriage. I had come to realization of how horrible of a wife I had been and how much his needs were going unmet. I decided to start being the wife I should be whether he loved me or not. (before I found this site) On Sunday we ended up in a huge fight w/ dh talking about getting an apartment. He asked me if that is what I wanted just like he did all the other times and every time I said NO I want a good marriage with him. I really do love him. I finally told him I forgave him of the past but he did have to earn trust and the only issue we were facing right now was that he wanted out of the marriage. He then says he wants to work on the marriage. We had sex, he came back to bed and shown me affection that night and the next morning. The next morning was Monday and he had a business trip from Mon-Thurs. He sent me his iternary. I noticed last night that his pin number for his airline didn't work but I did have his iternary so I didn't worry about it right then. Now this morning (Friday) I found his bag with a different flight number than what I have. My number shows him getting in at 9pm. Knowing they use different info for different things I check thinking maybe it is not a flight number at all but it is and for the same airports but it got in at 11am. I am soooo sad. What do I do if he is lieing???? I called him and asked him about meeting him to sign some papers (we are closing on a house next week). I will have to bring this up. We had sex last night also as I am trying to meet his needs. Any advice!

We have been married over 12 yrs and have 3 kids.

I am sorry to say you may have a serial cheater on your hands but we can help you figure that out.

First ~ you are going to need to do some major snooping ~ checking out those airline flight numbers and where they went and when is a good start.

Get a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) for his car.

Go online and check his cell phone bills ~ call any number you don't recognize and find out who he is talking to.

Consider getting a P.I. This might even be your first step as it sounds like he has had more affairs/ONSs than you know of.

I am so sorry...I know your head is spinning and you don't know who you are married to. We can help you.

Can you get a P.I.? Do you have money to hire one or can you borrow the money from someone?

[P.S. DO NOT tell your H about this site ~ clear your history everytime you come here and log out as well. This is crucial right now.]

I'm sorry you've found yourself here. I agree with MF, you need to find out the extent of his infidelity.

If your husband is lying- it is very likely he IS. You will need to prepare to expose this behavior.

Also, I would STOP having sex with him until you can get yourself checked for STDs. Your husband is risking your health with his behavior. You need to take care of yourself.

Thanks for the advice.

I have already just done the STD testing which is why we are now having sex. If he is telling the truth then he hasn't slept with anyone in 2 yrs.

I confronted him on the flight stuff. He promised he was on the evening flight. He said his assistant messed up his pin. I am praying he is right but will verify. His pin will have to be fixed as he needs to get into the site and I will have it. The airline site can't be faked so I will easily have the proof. I am torn as I could find him in a lie but if it turns out true and he doesn't have a bad attitude about me checking then this could be a huge step for our relationship!

Also wanted to add that I have snooped but I can't check his cell phone bill as it is company phone.

Tammy

He seems like he is trying to be transparent - or at least fool you that he is being transparent.

When he walks in the door tonight, ask for his cell phone. Or better yet, see if you can meet him on his lunch break and ask for his phone so you can review it's call and message history.

His response to that reasonable request (reasonable if he is serious about rebuilding trust between you two) will be telling.

I found my XH was having the A through his business cell phone. I "borrowed" his phone one night saying I was having problems with mine. There was no log of any calls.

I went onto the cell phone site and registered his phone. They sent a password to his phone which I wrote down and then deleted.

I went back onto the cell phone site, completed the registration with the password and lo and behold discovered he was having an A with his direct report. 250+ phone calls at night and holidays was a real giveaway.

Good luck