I totally understand. I was brought up in a rural area and when I was younger looked and appeared like one of those guys who was a "Playa" so to speak. I wanted to have a life different than most people around me or my parents so that meant I had to act different right? Well I was physically fit, fairly attractive,(so I was told), and because work atmosphere ALLWAYS had that social behavior of flirting all the women flirted with me. I guess they were just doing what was easy and accepted along with making the asumptions that all men are the same. I was not who I looked like and because I was aggressive it work situations and personnaly outspoken I guess that equaled in there head sexually promiscuios. Well it was the 70's and disco and the "Me" generation so...

My point is I felt very uncomfortable when older guys would hit on 18 year old girls and found it hard to handle women that hit on me. I despised that behavior and wanted to chew them out but i was just a kid,(18-20), so I just let it go unless asked my opinion. It became even more confusing when my first wife, who wanted to be married so bad at 18, got tired of playing house after 2 years and a baby boy, got pregnant by some other guy.

Then anger, fear and rejection stepped in. I WANTED to be like them then, but I couldn't, and I felt less than a man. Lol, I even went to a therapist to talk to him about my problem of not being able to cheat on my wife after she did that to me. He laughed and said,"So, what you are telling me you have a problem because you have morals?"

Let me tell you I didn't like my moral stand at that time. First of all, if I was sleazy like the other co-workers I probably would have gotten promoted faster because in that world, you don't trust anyone that isn't like you, and in turn they have nothing on you. "birds of a feather flock together?"

Then, you have the fact that I was a healthy young man with imagination and there were willing women all around me. I thought I had a problem but what I had was really a moral compass I could not turn. I knew in the long run, Sex for the sake of sex and using it as a social tool in relationships was not only empty, it was lieing to myself and brought dangerous consequences. I had seen it with others and I vowed to live above that.

Looking back now I am so glad I did not succeed in compromising my morals because I was hurt and defensive. I was 20 years old. I did not save the marriage though and the insecurity did not get dealt with so it scarred me in future relationships. After the marriage ended two years after the OC was born I was still determined to change myself. I would not be hurt again. I would become promisciuos and part of what the world expected and unfortunatly, respected. In short, I let what hurt me twist me.

All because I would not accept the pain from the betrayal as normal. I could not let it go. It shattered me to my core and changed everything in me that made me worth anything. Well, when it comes to marriage and your spouse its supposed to hurt more. As deep as your belief that love and relationship is why we are all here and why, for Gods sake, would we ever bond ourselves together for anything else. Is it so we can get oneup on others? To die with the most toys so we win? Nah, I don't buy it. Those things are substitutes.

When we get married it is THE BEGINNING of love and learning. We make those commitments to God, to God to honor and cherish his preciuos creation. If we are in love with them, how much more do you think God loves them? Does it make sense that God would also tell us how to love them? To me anyway, it felt like God had left me alone but I didn't see it was God I needed more for a long while, and I would not accept needing anything from anyone because as far as I knew, I had done nothing wrong. Sound familiar?
I'm sure your H sitch is different from mine but it makes no difference what either of us had on our plates, somewhere inside, whether he goes to church and has been a believer all his life or is an athiest he has a belief system that keeps him safe. I call it God, but to anyone else it is the of the same importance spiritually, and can bring about the same depth of fear and pain when we feel it has left us.

When someone who we have given over our trust to care for us does not keep up with thier part of the bargain,(POJA), and my favorite MB principle, agreeing ENTHUSIASTICLY to POJA, mixed with the patience as we know our spouses blind spots and weaknesses as we love them just as they are, ..well when those things fail to be carried out both should get together, trust that love has an answer, and work together to restore the bond. God says some things are very painful and you have been witness to that, in time you will also be witness to recovery, if not your marriage, then at least to you.

I guess I wrote this because I wanted to encourage you to keep searching and not be afraid to feel what you feel. Its your actions that bring consequences. If you act out of the character of love yes it can be painful to be rejected and not understood, but with a determined heart you can make yourself understood.

As far as your H goes it will take time for the anger to fade and anger is a poor misguided motivator in life. It really is fear turned around. I am not saying nobody should ever be angry and that it doesn't have its place in relationships. It should be followed with actions that show change so it can dissapate thats all. Its up to H to decide when hes sick of being angry and letting this rip him off. You screwed up, said you were sorry and are waiting for him to get past it so you can get back to building a strong marriage.

I can read between the lines Hitch. You are thinking, "I wouldn't have had the A if he had been a good H to me" and "Will he ever see that he needs to change how he acts, or will he stay the same now and just point a finger at me whenever I bring it up?" Also sometimes you might think its no use, I have ruined everything now. Although the pain of the A is very hard for him to process and it will take some time for H there will be a time when he can sit down and honestly discuss what he can do to protect his wife. I strongly suggest the Harleys for this.

When your Hs confidance comes back and he decides to fight for his bride I believe you will need someone he trusts and Dr. H tells it like it is and gives you tools to figure it out. Your H will respect that and so will you.

In the end you will both have to be honest about what you have done to get where you are in your marriage, not give it up and fight for what it is and what it could be. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and fighting off the wrong thinking, behavior, and negative thinking begins with the individual. Then you can work on the union.

Hang in there Hitch, rooting for ya.

You know Tom your previous post really hurt me, cause it was the truth! I do sometimes get moments when I feel as though I am not sure I want to reconcile, although they are very few, sometimes for a few hours, when things get tough or I remember how things were. Problem is, I had these feelings prior to the affair, I guess you only have these feelings when you are not having your needs met.

I do love him so, and after nearly 10 years together really enjoy his company, which is a biggy! Even just simple things like today going to the garden centre today, getting enthusiastic about it all. I love doing the simple things with him. We spark off each other and get exited about things, we are the kind of couple who could go out for dinner and never stop chatting, always interupting each other as we have so much to share and we get over excited about!!

I assure you I am standing up for the marriage although timing is never right!! Jeez hanging in there for the past 18 months when he has been mad I must love him or enjoy punishment?! He is ill at the moment, but when he is better I will do this. It is nice having advice from an old codger (ha ha I like that one but you don't sound like one to me!!), as not having had grandparents I have always wanted the advice from older peeps, you know the older the wiser and all that.

I do think your right though, it might take something a bit more final to get him up against the wall, although I really dont want to leave as one of the things he was most upet about was I upped and left the house, about 3 weeks after the A started.

I do feel like I have a mountain to climb, going to list them;

Him getting over my A
Me getting over his A (4 x OW)
Getting him to commit to MB
Building a r'ship with his family again and him mine
Dealing with the hold his mother has over him and how much she hates me
His inability to give me compliments, show me affection, spend more intimate time together (meeting each others En's)
Getting him to take his barrier down after been hurt
Trusting each other
Stop his indepedant behaviour
Giving and taking in equal amounts
dealing with others opposition to our reconciliation

Thanks for the hug, hugging back to you!!!!!!!! now that is what I call love, you and your wife. Not all ths romantic hollywood BS. I laugh when friends first meet men and everyone goes on about they are so in love blah blah blah, I am like love? Love is when you look after them when they are sick, or support them through a financial crisis or stick together through thick and thin. Maybe I just need to realise that I do deserve a long and happy marriage, maybe I doubt my own capability to do it. Maybe I have to start believing in myself first.

Constant, do you have a crystal ball??!!! Have you ever thought about a new career....you should!

No crystal ball hitch, its written all over your posts. Its called blame-shifting.

What do you think of what JL said?


All those are things you can DO that will bring about change.

Thats what this is all about yes?

Hello JL

GOd why do I find it so difficult to be open with my H? It is terrible, I am really trying to undestand why I find it so difficult. I told him this morning how much I loved spending time with him yesterday and he smiled. It is so easy! I think I find it difficult for a number of reasons, rejection, sounding silly, that he won't care, that I am burdening him, all wrong reasons I know.

I am not going to throw his heart on the ground, I am going to treasure it. More open and honest communication and lots of it. Its like I want to lock him a room and communcate everything with him for about 3 hours!! Only joking here by the way, but will gently start to communicate these things over the coming weeks. I am good at communicating the good stuff like I enjoy spending time with you, or complimenting him ect...but find it more difficult to communicate my needs to him as this sounds as though I am being demanding.

Will come back and post some examples of communicating with my H.

yes Constant - this is what it is all about - honest communication. I will be doing lots of this from now on.

Tom

Thanks for your suggestion re posting on BH posts. I read iGrips thread, I find it really painful if I am honest, as it reminds me of some of my own WW stupidity. I really feel for him you know, also the 'blindess' of his WW.

All the best, Hitch

Hi Hitch,

Just so you know I had no intention of making you feel any more uncomfortable, or making you feel any sadness or hurt with my post to you. I feel sad about that if I did. The only thing I desired to do is to sort of shake you a little. You have consulted with the Harleys's tho, and you are still on here, and that is good. As a matter of fact you are pretty much of an upright moral person. You pretty much remind me of my wife when we were younger, and the things that I did - i.e., putting my job and friends ahead of her at times and just assuming that she would comply, my alcohoism, and also our religious differences - she is Methodist and I am Catholic, but big deal now. She stood up to me and demanded her rights as a wife, and that always brought me back, because she made me feel she did not want anyone else as her husband.

Yes she was sick (hospitalized) alot over the years, even when our kids were young. What I did was what most guys would despise - I cleaned the house, I remodellled some, I put shelves up, I took out kids to parks and playes and we watched lost of movieds, I was very careful on how I explained their mom's absence from our home, and I was too tired and too in love to want anyone else after all that. I am NOt patting myself on my back - that is what I did then and even now and I am goddamned proud of it.

You have alot more people here with past experience who are advising you well. I cannot even attempt to be even more profound than they are - I have not been thru that. Listen to them.

Yes Hitch, it was probably painful for you to see honest BH's like Igrip etc. dealing with their lives. You are not like their wives tho. You are trying to be honest, you are fighting for the guy you love. That is a huge difference. The only reason I suggested that you look is that maybe you could offer advice, and that it might help dispel any late doubts in terms of you will to try to save your marriage.

Last things I can say are these. In terms of his mother, well my wife felt my mom was too infulential when we visited, and I eventually listened to her. It is a long story, but I came to realize that my mom's comments regarding my wife's housekeeping and her mental illness were too much. I did not tell my mom off, but I had a come to jesus meeting with her one holiday when we were there. I did that because I recognized some jealousy on my mom's part. The way my wife reacted was that I was a hero, and quite fankly as I recall at the time, I could not keep up with her when she threw me in bed. In terms of being envious and jealous and immature on the part of the husband, yes I was at times. When I met her Hitch she was in college and just two years removed from being an actrees and dancer in broadway plays. That did phase me some but I was so enamoured with her that as I recall it did not seem to matter that much. Well, she liked to party and flirt, and being a conservative and somehat backward from good old Wis. at the time I felt challenged. But, know what, after every party and opportunity to flirt she came back to me smothered me, and I could not give in. Not that I was like an easy mark. I just felt she was serious, and not I know she was back then and now.

Hitch, it is a long journey being married. The one thing is that Char and I have always been honest with each other. Do you know what we are talking about now - she wants to be cremated off the coast of NC when she dies and she wants me to do same. My response is, I would like us to be buried together, and we will debate and i will probably give in.

So much in this post about me. You are ba beautiful person Hitch, now continue.

Good luck, and a special prayer for both you and your H tonight.

Tom

Hitch,

I going to say something that will sound strange at first especially since you don't have children yet. But, I speak from experience.

If you love your children, you don't let them make mistakes without learning from them.

If you love your children you teach, train, guide them so that they will grow to be adults that you enjoy in your life.

If you love your children you will do things that at the time they won't like and will fight you on, but YOU KNOW that you do it because you love them even if they cannot see it then.

What has this to do with your H? It is really simple if you love him, he needs feedback, he needs your guidance, he needs to hear things that he won't like and you won't like saying and then he will need to be bathed in your love.

If you want love, if you want to love him, and him to love you, you need to speak what must be spoken. You can be firm and at the same time loving.

Will you get it right all of the time? Heck no! parents never do, but care, empathy, love, and kindness make the hard lessons easier to receive. You are cheating your H out of a great marriage if you don't tell him what he needs to hear. Just as surely as one cheats children out of being great adults if you fail to guide them and train them. And yes it is a selfish act. It is very cool to have adult children that you enjoy being around and sharing life with, I can tell you that for a fact.

I can also tell you for a fact that a good marriage is something well worth any risk you must take. COMMUNICATE with your H about your love, your fears, your needs, and how best to cherish his heart. You will soon learn which why to do if you will do this.

God Bless,

JL

Hi all,

spent some time with my H the past couple of days, he has been a bit miserable since he has been ill. Came home from work he asked me to help him, when I was trying to explain something he started to get irritated and shouted at me. I told him if you continue to shout at me I am leaving the room, so he shouted again so I walked out the room. Later on he apologised I said I was only trying to help you understand something.

At least I am communicAting my boundaries.

Hitch,

When he gets "irritated" and starts to shout, calmly explain to him that when he shouts you don't hear him, you just feel his anger and frustration. IF he actually wants to communicate something to you he needs to do it in a voice that you can hear and not just feel.

You are right to communicate your boundaries, but also offer him the feedback he needs. You will always walk away when he shouts, but you will listen if he speaks.

THink about it.

JL

Hi Hitch and well me again,

Read your last couple of posts, and pretty good in my opinion. The way you reacted. It makes me wonder if he has some past disappointments and resentments that have nothing to do with you. I cannot remember a time when I felt ill - sore back, flu, etc. where I yelled at my wife.

Imho you did the right thing in walking out of the room for your sake and his. I believe the more that he learns that his tantrums do not affect you the more mature he is going to strive to be. Keep it up.

Well wishes,

Tome

hitch2007,

I think you have a long road ahead of you and it will take some time to both feel comfortable with each other and trust each other with your emotions.....
Right now you both know that the other can make decisions to hurt the other, so you both go into defense mode and justify your behavior......
Boundaries are good along with communication, followed by I understand how you feel and the reasons for that........
You must give all your commitment here, he must know he is safe with you and that you won't hurt him anymore.......for any reasons.....
This is your chance to build a relationship of honesty and security, speak your feelings, understand his, fix all the things that have bothered you, get closer than you have ever been, you will both love being in that kind of relationship......
don't hold anything back at this point, do everything in a loving, understanding way, go slowly, falling in love a little more each day.........

Hi All

Thanks to everyone who has posted on my thread this far, I know for a fact that I would not have gotten to this place without you and am starting to find some peace in my heart that I have not had for a long time.

I still have not truly come to terms with the fact that I cheated on my H and don�t think I ever will. I suppose you just learn to live with it.

I have learnt so much including;

Whatever the situation its never acceptable to cheat
That men are not mind readers
That you can have great expectations of people, but this can lead to huge disappointment or resentment
Resentment is like poison, if you store things up
That it is important to be honest and open about everything, and you can lie by omission by not sharing how you feel
What my boundaries are and how much happier I will be living by them
That my H is an actions guy rather than words guy
That you need to be able to communicate the good and the bad
That if people overstep your boundaries then you need to let them know appropriately
If people continue to overstep your boundaries, then you need to remove them from your life
That if you love someone, you will explain how you feel to them about everything, so they learn
The principles which make a good M, meeting each others EN�s and not doing any LB
That my H has my heart and it is for me to lose, I need to earn back his trust and love

So I am very happy with how much I have learned.

The situation with my H at the moment is that we are getting on well, have started to open up the lines of communication and spending more time together. This is a HUGE improvement on when I first came to this discussion forum, when we were living separate lives, he was openly seeing OW and hated the site of me.

However, I so want to move things further forward. Which brings me onto the next bit which things I want to sort out;

1. We do not wear our wedding rings, he took his off when he found out about the affair and I took mine off (pre MB), so do not currently wear one. Not sure I want to put it back on until we have both firmly committed to the marriage, fear of looking stupid I suppose, as soon as it goes back on everyone will be asking me questions so really want to be able to say with conviction that we are 100% committed to working things out.

2. We still sleep in separate rooms and have done for 6 months, sometimes in the mornings or evenings either one of us will try to creep into each others room, but nothing further. I really don�t like this as the longer it goes on the harder it will be!

3. Last night, when he was on FB a message popped up on his screen from one of the OW, I said what is she doing contacting you, then he said I keep ignoring her, I am not sure I believe this, I don�t think anything is going on but the point is he has not made it clear enough too her. I then said to my H, I told you that I will not remain M to you in your are in contact with OW �just friends�. He then repeated, I keep ignoring her. I then said, I would like you to write a no contact letter and I would like to see it, just like I did to OM. This is when he started to get all defensive and say, I haven�t actually told you that we are definetly going to work things out. I then lost my temper a little and said �well I haven�t agreed it with you either�. (Stupid I know). Anyway the point is, that he hasn�t told the OW that there is no contact. Although I can forgive him for his A, there is things he needs to do before I can forgive him such as write no contact letters, remove OW from his FB friends and also answer some questions I have, as I feel there are people in our social circle that know things I don�t about his A with OW which makes me feel really uncomfortable. I don�t want to know too much but I need to know somethings, such as did they meet any of his family and friends.

4. When I moved out last year, I moved into our second home, since I have moved out it remains empty and one of the things my H was annoyed about is the loss of rental income. I think he expects me to rent this out, but I have asked him lately what he thinks we should do with the property and he used it as an opportunity to tell me off about the A. I then said to my H, it has to be a joint decision with both of us if we decide to rent it out, I am not going to just do it on my own, sometimes he wants me to be a mind reader or show him through actions, but I feel this should be a joint decision.

5. He has made no verbal agreement to recommit to the M, I have asked him to consider this. It is like he is spending time with me and his actions show he wants to recommit but as I believe his biggest issue is how his family will react so wants to keep it quiet.

Sorry for long post, I will be quiet now.

Hitch

hitch2007,
Hi there again, I am so happy you are feeling more at peace, this site and the experts here are amazing, it somehow calms the soul to listen to others who understand how we must be feeling, they help us think when we aren't emotionally equipped to reasons things out ourselves, I'm grateful I found this site....
Your story sounds a bit like mine.....my husband in the beginning was convinced we were over this is why he had an affair, he asked me to leave our bedroom as well, I didn't want to disconnect like that but respected his request......my husband was also still in contact with his OW.....
This is what I did, I was devastated. I listened to what he said he wanted, even though he was speaking in affair fog talk, I said if this is what you want Okay....
I told our boys and everyone around us that we were separating because our marriage was in a difficult place and that he had decided he wasn't in love with me anymore and that he now had feelings for another woman and he wants to see where that will lead.......
I went to a lawyer and we both worked on a separation agreement, I went to the bank changed all the accounts, credit cards and separated us in every sense of the word......All that was left was for him to move out of our family home, I was staying with our boys and he would be moving out and on with his life with OW.
I was hurt and it was painful for me and he could see what he had done to me and our boys with his selfishness.......
I asked him when I found out to not see her while we were still living in the same house, he said he would respect that request and that he didn't want to hurt me or my children anymore than he had already.......
I didn't agree to a date when he should leave and he always had some excuse to why he couldn't find something that suited him, $$ was not a problem for him...
I tried to be patient with him and just tried to conduct myself in a calm, understanding way.......he never went out, spent all his time with me.....he cooked for me, I'm going through some medical issues so he basically took care of my needs which he hadn't for a long time.......but at the same time he said he wanted the marriage to end and that he couldn't help how he felt about the OW now.......
When I was upset I asked him to hold me in his arms, I told him he had cause me this pain that he should at least do that for me, over time he was holding on longer and actually giving me a kiss on the check or my hair. He would lay with me in my bed and hold me if I was upset, sometimes he would fall asleep sometimes he would go back to his room....slowly I could tell by his touch that he no longer felt the same way..... He started to talk about maybe he should stop looking for a place and see if there was any way we could work out our marriage....
He asked for some time to think, I said okay and gave him a deal line that he would have to decide......
When that date came around he said he had made a mistake and stayed with me....he gave me all his passwords and made me some promises, we still live with the financial agreement we drew up and he is okay with this, he understands that he put me in a place that I now have to trust the man that would do this to me, it's a securtity for me.....If it doesn't work he can just go as he planned and we won't have to negotiate again........
He answered all my questions I didn't like some of the answers but I needed to know, I'm still embarrassed with friends and family......
Just go ahead and rent out the other place, he will see it as taking care of one of his needs.......
Just don't rush things with him, let him figure out what he wants for himself, but I think you can put a time line on his decisions and just ask him to respect you for the time being while he decides.....
Tell him you love him more that anything else and you want him to be happy even if that is not with you......

Hi there Jessitaylor

Thank you for your kind words yes they are very similiar stories you are right. Diffent in some ways but generally very much the same. I am convinced my H does not wamt the M to end, its just getting him to verbally recommit and share my bed ect...

You did very well winning back your H, you seem in your written word to be a calm gentle person and I think you would have been good at creating that environment for your H to come home too. I hope he now realises what a lucky man he is.

To be honest, I am enjoying the tranquility I have with H now. There was a time when he didn't come home at night or didn't come home at all, behaviour so different than before my A. Before my A he stayed at home never went out past 10pm at night and hardly ever stayed out the night.

MB forum is a wonderful place, not sure where I would be without it.

I was talking to a lady at my new workplace today, she is going through a divorce shorly to receive a signed petition and she is really struggling. Her H was a serial cheater and at one point he had a 3.5 year affair, this woman is really bright and very attractive and you think how do they get through it? Anyhow, there wasn't much to say to her but I did tell her about the MB discussin forum and how 'my friend' found it very supportive. I didn't tell her about my situation as I have vowed to keep my private life private at my new place of work due to opening upto OM at previous office was start of A.

Thanks JT

Hitch x

Hitch,

Don't have much time but I thought I would answer one of your questions. You stated/asked

Are you committed to making this marriage work? Are you married? Whose ring are you going to be putting on, his wedding ring or yours? Put the ring on if you are married, it really is that simple. If people ask, simply say you are doing your best to remain married to your H and you want people to know that you are in fact married to him.

Now was that hard? Seriously, this isn't about your H, it is about you and your vows and your commitment. What he does is NOT going to affect the fact that right here, right now, YOU ARE MARRIED. Act like you are married and want to be until such time as you aren't.

You did the right thing about the OW and you need to make sure there is no contact.

As for his commitment, live with the situation and see if there are baby steps toward being a couple again. If you find that you are starting to dispair, remember the POJA and PORH. You need to speak with him about YOUR concerns and feelings.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Yes that makes perfect sense, very simple. I am unsure how H will react.

I need to have a look at POJA and PORH.

Hitch

Sometimes I can't just help think that the most painful thing about all this, is its changed my H view of me. He trusted me 100% and I completely and utterly broke his heart.

How is he ever going to get over that? He had me on a pedastal, he wasn't good at saying or telling how he felt, in fact terrible, he couldn't even tell me he loved me, but he showed it lots in the way he knew how. I just didn't get this 'language of love', I only knew it as the gushing words type. When we got married the best part of the whole day was his speech, it was more special than anything because he told everyone his feelings for me and he got emotional when he said it, he couldn't help it. Thats the only time he has ever told me how he felt.

Just don't understand why I did it, I really don't. I am not making exscuses just trying to understand why? Does any other WS not understand why they did what they did? I know how I felt at the time, just that the OM showed me so much attention and care and I fell for it in every way. It wasn't even that difficult for him, he just listened to me, just seemed to understand me and seemed to care for me. I fell for it hook line and sinker, I never wanted to carry it on behind my H back, something inside me said I have to just leave. I went on the business trip, came home and told my H I was leaving. I just thought if I could feel this way about someone else this is obviously not right and I need to go and I have slept with someone else, the easy option is just to leave. I underestimated how much I actually loved my H.

He use to think I was a good person, and thats what he loved about me, I think this hurts the most.

Put my wedding ring back on, bought up lots of emotions mainly the fact that our marriage has been a bit of a disaster, so felt quite sad but in some way that putting them back on was a step forward for me.

H has gone away on a golf weekend for 2 nights, he is also away on another golf weekend next week aswell. I am completely fed up with his IB, it was like this before the A, but he is even worse after the A. He also had a boys golf weekend booked for Dec to Spain, so he will probably be away for a long weekend. To top it all off I have just seen an email from his brothers friend inviting him on a ski trip for March 2011. I don't know if he is going but I expect he is as he mentioned to me that he wants to go and have some boarding lessons. The fact that there is other girls going and he knows I can ski makes me wonder why I haven't been invited.

I am feeling upset today about all of this. Before the A, we use to go skiing every year something I always planned and invited his friends along, him going off in a group skiing with his brother and girls invited along too is a complete kick in the teeth. Just another example of how we never planned stuff for us to do together. Just stuff to do on his own.

Maybe he is doing all of this so I will just get fed up and end the M for him. To be honest I feel like giving him an utlimatum when he gets back from golf, if you want to operate independantly then I no longer want to be in this marriage.

I feel like he wants to be with me but is frightened of his family and what they will think. I am fed up of being with someone who doesn't want to do things with me. Maybe its time to move on and look for someone who will.