So I read a lot of posts and couldn't really find any I could completely relate to so I wanted to start one and see what everyone thought...

We have been married 10 years. 2 years into the marriage, he was just engrossed in work and I was 20 years old and very lonely. I ran into an old high school friend (never was a boyfriend or even interested) and I starting hanging out with him and his friends and eventually had a 1 week relationship where things were "more than friends". I realized at the end of that week - what am I doing!?! - and ended it immediately. I hadn't seen him 2 years before that and literally haven't seen him or talked to him since then. I really renewed my passion for my husband and I committed myself completely to our relationship and decided not to tell him. 3 years later, I changed my mind and told him. He really didn't act that upset at the time, just shocked. We had a bad week or so but everything has been GREAT since then. That was 3 years ago and he literally hasn't talked about it at all until last week. He ran into the guy and wanted to kill him (he didn't!). Now he's acting really upset all the time and says he thinks about it constantly. He says he wishes I had never told him. He's lost like 35 pounds in the last 6 weeks and often has tears in his eyes or wants to listen to old songs. We are EXTREMELY good sexually, but everything else is off. Doesnt't that seem weird?

Do we need to go to counseling or just let more time pass? What do you think?

Thats an odd reaction. How does he explain that he is upset now but was not upset back then?

I'd be interested as well.

I suspect nothing was ever done to really recover the marriage. Therefore, this was a land mine awaiting him to step on, and now he's stepped on the mine and all heck has broken loose.

I really doubt things are great. Things are peaceful, until the next mine is stepped on.

What is your recovery plan. I suspect you are 8 years post affair, give or take and 5 years post D-Day if I understand the time line presented.

So how much of Dr H's plan to recover from an affair has been put into place?

What are your plans to put the remainder in place.

Please don't tell me it's so long in the past. The plan still has value and is your best chance if you and he want to really heal and have a good marriage.

Good sex doesn't mean a good marriage.

You don't just need any old counseling, you need a plan to recover from infidelity. If you and your husband cannot work the plan on your own, you can get coaching from the folks here at MB.

What you need is to take the proper steps to recover from your affair, starting today, filling in any steps you left out because you did not know about the plan.

I suspect that he was so shocked that he mentally buried your confession as a way of coping. Seeing the OM is considered "contact" and forced that buried confession to surface.

I don't think that's a bad thing, really. I think you can use this as a stepping stone to recover your M, which has probably been in a chronic state of not-quite-healing.

Have you read the articles on this site? You will learn how to recover a M, but more important, how to build a great marriage.

Definitely read the articles here and also seek couples' counseling so this can be brought to light and dealt with once and for all.

Sex is a good thing, but will not make up for betrayal. It helps definitely being happy in the sack, but it won't save a marriage for sure. And it definitely won't make the affair fires forever burn. Just ask my ex! lol!