Hi All... I need your imput on my situatuon.. My Husband had an affair that resulted in a child, the child is now one. We had a DNA test done and its his however, we decided to stay together and try to rebuild our marriage. We told no one about the situation We also decided that we would have no contact and have maintained this for over a year now. Recently, the mother brought the child to him at his job yelling and screaming that she needs help to take care of the child ( the child has a serious medical condition) going to doctors visit and other things. She handed over the child to him and left. Because of where he works and incident report had to be written about her giving the child to him and placed on his records. So now most ppl at his job knows about the issue. He went to hotel that night with the child and he tired to make contact with her for days but to no avail. He kept the child for 8 days staying at a hotel, . I told him to bring the child home but he said it would be too embarrassing, ppl will ask question about where the child came from etc. When he finally reached her they met up at at his job parking lot to give her back the child.

She wants to know what he is going to do to help her, but he did not discuss anything with her. He told her he would be in touch with her. He came home last night, he now has mix feelings because he spent all this time caring for the child and taking her to five doc's appointment ( I guess the baby is really very sick cause she had 5 appt in 8 days)and now we really dont know what our next move should be...

I really need some advise on how to approach this situation, because we also have a young child that we are raising. What a mess.

Hi Broken, What a crazy turn of events.

Remind us, are you paying CS?

I can only tell you what I would do in this sitch. Please know that only our parents and 3 close friends know about our OC. We are NC and do not pay CS to date.

I told H from day 1 that I would adopt OC and raise as my own IF OW was never involved at all. He asked and she chose to not do this. My OC was born at 28 weeks, so I would imagine that he has some health problems also. IF this would have happened to us, I would have immediately contacted our lawyer and claimed the mother abandoned the child and start adoption proceedings. I think there would be an excellent case. I probably wouldn't even try to contact her.

So then the issue becomes, what do you tell everyone about where this child came from? That I don't know for sure how we would handle. Right now, I think we would probably tell close family and maybe close friends the absolutely truth, but would tell the rest of the world that we adopted a child. Still the truth, but they don't have to know the messy details.

This is truly a mess and I'm so sorry any of us have to walk this road. Please do keep us posted on how this turns out. Will say a prayer for you.

You need legal representation!

I do not understand WHY your H spent EIGHT nights at a hotel without you ???

How did the OC get back in OW's possession?
Are you 100% certain OW did not go to the hotel?

Be suspicious of the A possibly restarting.

thanks for your response. No he is not paying CS and she has not filed for any. He did however, put the child on his health insurance to help with the medical expense. We are now looking into legal representation.

Thanks for your response... We will be meeting with an attorney tomorrow.. because I thought that was the way to go also.

He stayed there because he did not want to bring the child home, to confuse the situation with our other child at home. So WE told our child that he went on a trip. He thought that she would show up soon.and also he had to take the child the doc. so he stayed at a hotel near the doctor.. and took the child to the appointment while he waited for her to make contact.

I went there after I dropped my child off to school. HE was really there with child alone. I dont think that an occurring affair is my problem.. Its how to take back control of the situation.

He gave the child back to her at the Job security booth... to ensure that there was no altercation with her.

IMO

You should have called child protective services that first day when OW, basically, abandoned the child to your husband's care.

Thats what I was thinking too... but we did not do it.. I feel relieved that another person thought the same thing, so I was not crazy to think like that.

YOU have some tough decisions to make right now. Are you prepared to take on the full-time care of a sick child, along with your own young child? Because, the way I see it, a reoccurring affair WILL be a problem if the OW falls into a habit of dropping the OC off to your H whenever she melts down & sees fit (does she have other children also?). It worked once, she got the attention she wanted & possibly the emotional reaction she wanted too...why not do it whenever she wants attention or gets in the mood to exact her brand of punishment on your H? (That's rhetorical of course).

The only way I see you & your H getting "control of the situation" is to take HER control away. And that will be to gain LEGAL custody of the child so she can't just drop it off whenever she feels like it.

Initiating this will at least send a message to her that, if she is playing games, and really doesn't want to lose her child, she will at least stop this tactic.

I agree that CPS should have been contacted, for you, H's & the child's protection, and to make them aware of this situation so a case can be opened & documented, and the child brought home to the family. It would have been good documentation for your custody case. Most are probably thinking 'she didn't ABANDON her child, she left it with its father'. No. This nut abandoned her SICK child with a "father" that doesn't have any legal rights to this child. That's NOT a woman who puts her child's best interests FIRST. She put HERSELF first...and she will do it again.

Take her control of your H away...if you're prepared to do so.

all I can say is WOW.

Geez there are so many glaring signs here.

1 - you definately need to see an attorney ASAP.

2 - Your H's trying to hide this whole mess he created instead of man up is what caused all this drama

Personally I would take OW's action as a message from God.

I would say that you should look into full custody of this child as obviously the ow can't handle it.

i would also say that your h needs to put his pride aside and deal head on with this.

this "can" be a huge teaching and learning experience for your children

and just for the record I say to #e!! with what the neighbors and friends say or think. maybe it's time people know your h is "not" perfect

Hi, Thanks for responding.. I have the exact same feelings about the situation. Its hard to envision raising the OC,but then it is magnified by the fact that OC is sick.

OW git the emotional response that was calculated, because now H is saying he is confused about the visitation issue feeling guilty.

We will see an attorney about this craziness, but I am not sure what I should be asking... I know we should initiate paper work for Legal custody , but how do you get a formal NC in place. We had nothing formal...OW stayed silent and we made no contact. Is a letter from an attorney enough for OW to stay away from us.

Hi Pops, thanks for responding, about H being perfect.. that is exactly how friends and fam feel about him.. If only the new what a mess he has caused... But they will know in time..

We had planned to tell ppl, but our strategy was to try to work on our marriage first, just the 2 of us without outside influences, and suggestions. We have come a long way rebuilding because even though this incident hit us hard we still managed to focus and I did not feel that i wanted no part of it. I am still re-affirming my support.

Has there been a DNA test? Do you know that the OC is actually your H's?

I would have called CPS. I probably still would. Let them open a case file. Tell them the truth from point A to B. If paternity has actually been established then get your attorney to be the OW's C point. Decide if you want to have C with OC. Harley's recommend NC until the OC is an adult for the sake of your M and the COM. If you and your H (POJA) agree that it is in the OC's best interest for you to have C and or custody, then explore this with the attorney.

How does the OW know how to C your H? why does she still have C information?

Thanks for your response. OW knows where he works because they worked at the same place.