This week I am realizing that I have been married for 9 years and my husband tends to not make life easier for me. I have been asking him to clean my garage since March and he has been promising to do so, never happened.
This one is easy. If you want as you describe it YOUR garage cleaned, then clean it yourself. It's obvious he's not going to do it. It's obvious you want it done. Therefore, it falls on your shoulders.
For 9.5 months he has been making excuses as to why we have not had sex, saying we are both busy. I have to nag to get him to mow the lawn or help out around the house.
Who wants to have sex with someone who nags them and treats them like a child? If you want to have sex with your husband, bring the romance, not the nagging parental attitude.
In November he lost his long job, as a result of him texting a student, which he said was fabricated, and I kinda believe hm, but he does have over 500 friends on facebook, of which 90% I have no clue who they are. He is generally a nice guy, but when he drinks he gets mad if you get mad at him. Tonight really upset me, We went out to watch some football, and he had two pitchers, I was ready to leave, as our 18 month was with us, but he said soon. So we get in the car and I am telling him that he drank too much, he is getting upset.
Not wise decisions on the parts of the adults. You think he drinks too much but take him and a toddler somewhere that has alcohol, then go into parental mode when you judge that he's consumed too much.
Stop putting yourself in such situations.
We get home and he is irritating me to the point that I am putting our daughter to bed and can not find her fav blanket and said you probably left that at the shop, and he wanted to argue some more, so I shut the door.
So you both irritate one another. Based on what you've described about your own behavior, I doubt he finds it endearing either.
He comes in and starts yelling, my daughter starts crying and he then has the nerve to slam the door and storm out and drive, stupid.
You guys sound like a good match. He annoys you and makes you mad. You annoy him and make him mad.
What is your plan to correct your part in this mutual drama?
I then proceed by telling him I will divorce him as I am getting fed up, he has punched wholes in walls before. I dont realy want a divorce s Ihave a small child, but I do not want him to yell in front of her and not care either. I need some advice as i have had it up to here with his tantrums.
First, if you don't want tantrums, then stop your own personal tantrums. You cannot complain about his while you nag and treat him as a child and then throw a tantrum of your own when he doesn't behave the way you think he should.
Second, if you really want to save your marriage, start with apologizing for saying you want a divorce. If your objective is to build a marriage, then everything you say and do has to have the purpose of building a better marriage.
How about you draft an apology here, and let the folks take a look at it. It will help us understand if you really get what we are saying, or if you are just venting and blaming him for the problems in the marriage.
Now I've been hard on you. Why? Because you are here and he's not. So it does no good to sympathize with you and say, "you poor thing." He's not the only one destroying the marriage here. He has a co-collaborator and that's you.
You are here, he is not, so if you want to build a marriage, the folks here will help you stop your destructive behaviors, and replace them with behaviors that will help build a marriage.
It's only by you setting the example and demonstrating the value of the program that you can entice him to join in the program of marriage building.
As long as you continue to treat him as a child and nag him, he will (rightfully) dismiss your attempts to marriage build, as it really will not be marriage building but, husband makeover.
If you want husband makeover, this is NOT the website for you.
