Ok, so WH and I went to AT&T last nite,
to get him a new phone. I have always wondered
what our passcode was to see the cell bill on the
internet.
So he gives the lady the passcode(which I thought was
weird cause he claims he didn't know it! Go figure!)
Today I get online to check it out, and to make sure
he hasn't texted or called POSOW. He hasn't which I was
extremely happy about. Yay!!

So then I have the great idea to see the call and text history
before D-day. I knew it would upset me, but did it anyway.
I just picked random months and checked out how many times
they actually texted. Bad idea. Boy oh boy!! At least 100
a day some days! It's amazing he ever got any work done.
Saturdays and Sundays, too. Good grief how could I
not have noticed?

What killed me the most is I saw how WH would text her early
(5:45-6:00am)Mon-Fri for a 'good morning'text. See, he does
this every morning for me now!! Makes me want to puke!!
4 1/2 mos. past D-day and I feel like I'm back at square one!

The only good thing is he hasn't texted or called her since
D-day. I guess my curiosity got the best of me. Unfortunatly, it made me feel so much anger towards him.

Anyway, just had to tell everyone how dumb I am.

Hi
Read your post and could not resist responding.

First of all we have the same D Day.

The phone bill thing? I did the same thing, felt and still feel the same way-I am wondering now, did smeone write a freaking code for the behavior of Ws?

When he text me now I have a hard time accepting that it is genuine.

How long have you been married, do you have kids?
I see this is your first post so welcome and I am sorry that you have to be here. The experts will be contacting you shortly I am sure, just hold on.

We've all done this ~ not sure why we do this but it's normal, especially early on. I haven't done this in years, however...eventually even the thought of doing this will make you feel nauseous and you won't even be able to force yourself to do it.

Part of this may be because you aren't sure you have the whole story and so you are desperately trying to figure out if you do.


My H never even TMed me before the A so it triggered me for a while when he started doing the same with me...only you can decide if it's worth it for your H to continue to do this and if the triggering is worth it. Would a phone call work better?

I have to tell you though...it's really nice to be able to reclaim some things, it's helped me to feel better in control of at least SOME things.

4.5 months isn't very long ~ give yourself time.

Sorry, I did not see your signature so forget the questions about your status.

My WH and I hardly texted before the A either. Now we text about 30x a day sometimes more sometimes less.
It is hard for me somedays, but other days I love it.
I'm glad to hear other people do this too. I really
love the little notes he leaves me in the morning, though.
Only because, I know he couldn't have done THAT with her!
Thanks for your responses, it always makes me feel better
to get on here and vent.

Okay, one more question. Should I tell him I can now see the cell bill online, or should I keep that between you and I?

I def will use it to check up on him, and if he doesn't know
he won't hesitate to call or text POSOW. This is def to
my advantage! If I should tell him, do I also let him know about
all the texting and calls he made and received from POSOW?

I'd keep it to yourself for now.

Are you doing any other snooping? Was the A exposed far and wide? What is he doing to assure you of NC?

Yeah that was me too!

Keep ALL of your snooping tactics to yourself. FOR LIFE. Don't ever tell him. It will be your insurance.

I know Mel! I figured that is what I should do, BUT I so want to say " I can't believe you txted her so many times, our anniversary, my b-day, kids' b-days, Christmas, Thanksgiving on and on and on!" It does make me angry and sad to see it all. I will keep it to myself. I know that is the best 'strategy!'

Heres one for you; myself, WH, OW and OWH was on vacation together 2 weeks before I discovered the 5 year A. When I eventually saw the phone bill, I saw how many times they were texting each other right in front of me. I also saw that no sooner we got home he started calling her, I mean about 3 minutes after we got home.

Here is my problem with your post, Sunshine. Your D-Day was in May, you think you are in R and your FWH had not given you the password to your online cell records even though you have always wanted to know what it is. He even told you he didn't know what it was until he readily spit it out at AT&T. That is a huge red flag to me.

God's Blessings,

Say

I am so sorry Teaser! That is mean, cruel, horrible I could come up with so many other terms! Don't you feel 'How did I NOT know?' It is so crazy. Did you feel like they were almost laughing or mocking you? I know I sure do!

I have not asked him for the password in a long, long time. I'm talking maybe a year or so. Now I do have it and I have checked the cell bill the last 4 mos. and there is nothing at all. Only calls and txts to me and our children basically. He changed our cell phone #'s the day after d-day and keeps both his cell and work cell out everyday and has watched me go through them. I think the cell records pretty much tell me NC has been established, and it makes me happy, especially considering how many times a day they used to txt and call.

Who cares about past phone calls and texts. Hate to say this but a second cell phone is easy to get. More importantly, have you checked your credit card statements for the past five years? You might need this intell for a d down the line. You need to protect yourself financially. And do it now. I had a year of false recoveries and he was pretty nice to me during that year. Then he chose OW and turned into a monster. Be careful. Don't trust him. And don't be surprised if OWs hiding in the wings.

I am sorry for what you went through HH, but I do believe in my heart this is not a FR. I don't think WH and POSOW had a mutual, lovey relationship. She wanted him, he wanted out. POSOW would threaten and tell him she was gonna call me and tell me about the A if he didn't come see her.( She actually did call me several times) I just wish he would have come clean to me other than giving in to her demands just so she wouldn't 'tell on him'. I don't understand it, but he was foggy and trying to cover his A$$. Now we are together constantly, unless he is working and he has several great EN's in place. Believe me I DO NOT TRUST my WH. The only time I trust him is when we're together. I have been VERY cautious and think I am doing a great job. Actually, WH and I are both doing a great job in trying to restore our marriage. MB has been a lifesaver for us so far.