Hey ya'll!~Hope you had a wonderful summer.

I can't believe it's been this long since I logged on, but a little nagging angel on my shoulder said that some folks might need some positive advice and that some WS's out there needed a huge dose of reality.

Some of you might not remember me, but I was a regular here for quite some time going thru an amazingly difficult situation. I was married to one of the worst offenders in MB history. You name it, it happened to me, and it was completely gut-wrenching. Fast forward a few years, plan B worked, even though I got divorced I regained ME! I slowly survived and even somehow thrived! It was absolutely amazing but I had to take it day by day.

It took sometime and I was still unsure ever about dating and moving forward as I was so happy to be getting on with life on my own terms and enjoying things with my son. Life was hard. In the first few years of my post-divorced life, I even went thru a bankruptcy and lost almost everything I had courtesy of my selfish ex husband. I struggled as a single mom and of course, my lying ex never paid the correct amount of child support as he lied about everything in our divorce. I struggled for some time. Day by day, but with faith in my heart.

Fast forward to late 2007, I met somebody. He was everything I had hoped a man to be, and by this time I had been divorced for about 3.5 years. My ex meanwhile, married his OW the
day after...yes AFTER our divorce in Jan. of 2004 was finalized. In late 2007, I began dating this guy, and happily to say, that on July 31, we were married on the beach in Key West with my little boy being our best man. Just the minister, us, and the ocean breezes. Our family is overjoyed! He is the father my son had been waiting for all of his life and we're loving the newlywed life and my husband is the dad my ex never was. I also now have SOLE CUSTODY of my son too!

Now here's the horror story. What DOES happen to a non repentant WS if they continue down the path of destruction? What happens? My ex continued believing that lying and cheating is the way to live. He ended up losing his job and his partner in business dissolved their company. My ex also landed himself in jail because of his lies and ability to decieve now in his business practice. He also was discovered by his wife (the ex other woman) to have had numerous other affairs, including getting a stripper pregnant and causing her (or should I say coercing her) to have an abortion (immoral and evil!) He was also served with divorce papers last week in jail. He lost his sports cars, his half a million dollar yacht, his multimillion dollar house, he lost everything and when he gets out of jail, he will have to live with his parents.

Waywards, this could be YOU! Do you think that living for the moment or becoming a slave to your hormones is a way to live? Do you think a relationship (affair) built on lies could ever become blessed? Think again. Do you think your life will be blessed if you rationalize away your actions, enver seek real forgiveness?

I got a funny call from my ex in jail a week ago. He told me he was so happy I was married and that life was going well for me. That I was WORTHY of having real love in my life and that he was truly sorry for all he had done, and it took almost seven years for this man to ever say he was ever wrong in doing anything in his self-righteous life. I was sad. He lost everything he had, the second he chose to betry his wife, his son, and his family. He lost it all. The remaining last few years with the other woman/wife pushed him further into personal oblivion because he had to LIVE his sin and try to make it right and it could never work so he began the cheating game again, searching and searching to find something to fill the void of his real family he once had.

You have a chance WS, if you are here at MB. You have a chance to change before becoming the man my ex is now. Do you want this? This will be your future 100 percent and I guarantee it.

Please feel free to print this out and show some of it or all of it (if it is safe to reveal your being here at MB to a wayward) to the wayward you know. I think a harsh dose of reality needs to be served cold.

The wife/ex other woman has little money sadly now His actions caused them to lose their home as of a month ago, and it is in foreclosure. I have forgiven her now and we've been somewhat friends for the last two years as I saw the pain and anguish she lived for the last two years. I am even close with their child, my son's half sis. She was a woman who was a wife who didn't have to work and never finished college, so I am hoping and helping her even find a good job. I wish her well. She is a Christian and realizes what has happened and where things went wrong, but we are all sinners, me included, and I think she can rebound.. the ex is a totally other story. God has healed she and I and I am helping her out however I can. She saw the light. She changed. Her husband (my ex husband did not).

Me? I am still the somewhat older and now 40ish somewhat trophy wife now (courtesy of working out and living right), of a successful guy with a beautiful heart and spirit. He's the man I was supposed to marry! And since we've been together, his life has never been better (work wise). Ironically we live in the SAME subdivision my once dream home with my ex was but in a nicer home, and let me tell you, God is faithful to those who sacrifice for their loved ones and put themselves last. We are now blessed beyond belief, and all that I lost before, I have regained tenfold. Today at my son's birthday party, the guests there could not believe (some found out at the end) that she and I had been married to the same man. They were amazed at the way we got along, how much we liked each other, and how our kids got along. God heals when you seek His ways. God will restore a broken person and even a broken family. But if you remain wayward, you will never feel the love of the light. You are sentenced to walk in darkness, hide in shadows, and avoid the lies you weave. In the end, you will never escape the dark if you continue down the path of destruction.

Blessings to those who are fighting the GOOD fight and standing up for their families, children, and marriages. I pray for everybody here all the time. You folks got me through the most difficult years of my life and I am so blessed to have ever known some of you.

Bravo to you, peachy!! Happy ending to a nightmare story!

Well it's still not that happy. I am so worried about my son's half sis, she's a sweetie, and is having to repeat kindergarten now because of all the pain and anguish that little one had to live thru, courtesy of her wayward father.

you rock Mel! You're a MB legend along with some others I know well. Hugs!

Can't believe I'm a newlywed again! It's wild. But absolutely wonderful. I was once told a woman over 40 has a better chance of being hit by a meteor than getting married. Oh well, the person who came up with that never met somebody who has lived thru plan B and learned how to walk thru fire for those they love, take a hard look at themselves and improve, and realize that things aren't what make you happy.

Those kind of people are meteor-proof! 2012 proof! lol! MB'ers are tough at heart, but the strongest in spirit!

Oh...WS? If you're there, remember the BS will one day lose that love for you. You won't enjoy the way it feels to have two people fight over you. The BS WILL eventually move onward and upward and you will be stuck..with the affair. With the lies. With the endless excuses you give to people (really lies) about why you divorced, why you either moved in/remarried so quickly after, and why you're a ghost to your children.

I hope somebody who is a WS reads this, might feel a chink somehow in their seemingly indestructible wayward armor they wear with shame.

But Mel we're super duper happy.

It was funny. Today I accidentally had my new eternity band fall down into the hvac duct. I freaked out! Originally we heard it go "clink" and thought it had gone down the drain (was on the counter in the bathroom) and he was Mr. Plumber but it wasn't in the U bend. Then we panicked and realized it must have fallen off and fell down into a duct. Searched and found it...had it moved a centimeter further, it would have fallen out of the crevice it was hanging by a thread in, and into some dark winding duct-thing...lol! I got the band!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. You just can't see it now.

But have faith, stick to plan A and B and never, ever give up.

Peachy, you sound wonderful, and I'm so thrilled that you have a happy life now! You and your son deserve every minute of it, and your new hubby is a very lucky man!

Peachy wish I could send this to my XH.

I did not know your story. Is the link still around? I give you much credit that you have befriended the OW. You are a much bigger person that I could be.

Blessings.

Thank you Peachy. I am very happy for you and thankful that you shared this with us.

DITTO - I wish I could send this to my STBXH. He to is also spiraling down. I recently found out that not only did he get transferred; but it was a choice of here is a different job or here is your severance package.
Obviously he chose the other job since he is paying legal fees for POSOW (you know she doesn't want to work).
WW's do not understand that the lies and deceit will eventually catch up.
You reap what you sow!!!!

But congrats to you Peachy; its nice to know that there may be a brighter light at the end of my Plan B tunnel!!
Thanks for sharing!!!!!

You name it, I lived thru it with my xh and incredibly ws. Everything.

But if you take the high road, raise your children well, do not give in to the ws, keep the kids as grounded and as far away from the affairees and their damaging influence, you'll do ok. Leave them to their own situation and it is a ticking time bomb.

All the cliches you learn here about the affair imploding WILL happen. In time it will, it could be in time to save your M, or it could be after you have d'd and moved on, but their affair will end. Even if it becomes an "affairage". Doomed.

Only send this to a ws if there is a way for them to read it without disclosing your being here at MB, as a ws will use any ammo in any way to get you labeled as a "wacko" or zealot or whatever their excsue is to deflect from their behavior if a legal recourse is needed.

You will not die or quit breathing if you choose to get a divorce after plan B no matter how you might dread it. It is not the end-all of everything. Trust me. But I sure hope nobody has to go thru this ever.

Stay strong, stay tough, hunker down for the long haul and have a plan of action for each crazy reaction your ws gives you. And remember, they are addicts and if they keep having that addiction long enough and remain with their source, the outlook becomes more bleak. Don't hesitate to expose, and do be brave.

Fwiw, I exposed to my ex's parents and his friends, and surprise surprise! I found out his dad was a ws and was actually (and has as recently as last year too) been unfaithful and a constant ws to his mom. That was an eye opener. His business partner had been also unfaithful to his w, and they are also divorced now, so the exposure didn't have the nuclear effect I wanted. In the end, it turned out who he was afraid of me exposing to, was my family, and our mutual married friends, who ended up turning forever their backs on him when he never repented.

My family held such a hard line on him, that even my sweetest grandparents, who both recently passed away within two months of each other after having been married over 65 years, refused to ever see him again and even slammed the door in his face when he tried to talk to them after our divorce. My family and friends continued a permanent plan b on this guy. So that was good!

When I did remarry in July, our family and friends were all rallying around us and so happy that I had finally found a relationship where fidelity, love, and stability was our foundation. It's early. We're still learning about each other and I'm sure we'll push our buttons and have our not so wonderful moments, but we're faithful types. And I have the MB secret weapons! The MB approach will help us always.

Just realize that it is always darkest before the dawn, and that the ws and the op out there want to exist in that darkness, so show them the light every way you can! Be a beacon of hope to them (well not the op...lol!) the ws, to your kids, and friends.

Please trust in that the story of your w or h's affair already has the last chapter written and it's a tragedy. Not even a love story, but one of those stories where you learn a hard lesson. It will end, and end ugly. My ex ended up doing so many bad things it was amazing. He ended up with absolutely no boundaries at all, and immediately, even before he married his ow, he had already cheated on her (but of course he was still married for a few months still legally to me even at that time). The ow never got that white wedding she so wanted (she was single and had never previously married). She got a nondescript courthouse wedding when she was about 9 mos pregnant. Romantic huh? No big honeymoon. No reception, well the ex il's gave them one (no surprise here), but it was at their home (my old home).

They had not one moment of peace or calm or serenity in their affairage. None. There was always tension, stress, and distrust. Neither trusted the other and I wish I had a dollar each time one of them accused the other of infidelity. They spent big bucks, and I of course never got the proper amount of child support as he had lied all during disclosure and the divorce process. They spent recklessly, and lived imho outrageously.

And now all the trappings of their wealth is gone. Sadly, the best parts now of that crappy settlement agreement, the part where the ws ex of mine actually had agreed to pay for my child to go to private school, for his medical insurance, for his braces and for college, went poof up into smoke when he lost his business and the partner dissolved the relationship. Then he went to jail and of course, that whole situation is sad. But I have a good job, and of course insurance, and my H has a great job, far better than mine, so college and all the needs will be taken care of for my child.

The WS and the OP are selfish. Learn that. If you should go down the divorce path, take no prisoners in dealing with them legally. They will burn through $, break any promise to children, and of course are poor examples of any sort of parenting. Be aggressive legally if you need a lawyer. Don't try to mix plan A or try to woo a WS if you're divorcing them.

Learn also the carrot and stick of plan A, and work it APPROPRIATELY to your situation. Imho, I did a too long of a plan A, and it allowed my ex to get together his sinister legal game plan when I had finished plan a and then moved to B. I did a few months of B and then quickly turned to divorcing him. Be wise and get help from a mb counselor and the wise ones here as to how long you should do a or b.

Just to say I wish you well and will try not to be a stranger again, but life is crazy busy right now.

Congrats, Peachy.

I think my WH, D!ck, is the worse WS on the board at the moment. His latest is the bankruptcy threat which is real "peachy" considering he's a vice president of a bank. We've gone from a brawl at OW's house -- to him being fired from his job -- to his and her sexting including the infamous "vajayjay" shot of OW --to him trying to run over his own mother in a parking lot. I've said more than once that he needs to end up in jail with a rather large and frisky cellmate to turn his life around.

I wish -- no, PRAY -- that he'd read where his life is headed. But he wouldn't see himself in your story. How could he since he's living in denial and lying every chance he gets?

Living well is the best revenge. You are indeed living well, Peachy. Thanks for giving us this eye opener. There really is life on the other side.

Yes, thank you and congratulations to your new and improved life. I actually SMILE when I hear of WS being miserable...serves them right I say. We are giving plenty of chances to mend and come back to reality - they are choosing this life of theirs and I do believe they will regret their decisions at some point.

I am not at the stage yet, and I still have hope. But thank you for your update. Enjoy yourself as you do deserve it.

peachy thank you for sharing.

I am d and the affairage is next month. I want patience for the karma bus to roll over both of them. I know he has to reach rock bottom, lower than bottom, he has to be scrap the bottom and crack through to turn himself around.

Congrats on your M and pray it is everything that you want.

Blessings.

I am so happy to hear about a BS move on to such a wonderful life...Thank you so much for sharing this story...I havent been on here much because sometimes it just seems to be a lot a bad news and it hurts me too much to see the same wayward crap over and over again...and the reprecussion seem to be on the BS too much...It just seems the pain never ends.

It is wonderful to hear some good news for a change...

Hey Peaches, great to hear from you and congrats on the catch..... I'm playing the waiting game on becoming a father for the 6th and last time, another stubborn girl....lol... Anywho, y'all keep on keeping on.....

Your X learned wayward behavior from his father long before marrying you.

He was still married when he was dating you...wasn't he?

I believe you were engaged to him when you found out...and still you chose to marry him.

I've been a member many years so it's known to me...but not to the newbies.

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