He spends the night with this woman! NOBODY who believes in marriage will think this is okay. Anyone who does think that your H spending the night with another woman is just fine needs to be placed in your trash bin. Your exposure will expose these people so you can rid your life of them.

If he wasn't getting some needs met by you, he wouldn't have contacted you at all once he started the A and he wouldn't have come home at all. Stop listening to his words...

I agree that you have enough evidence.

Who is on your exposure list??

He doesn't know what he wants. If he wanted to leave, he would be gone and you'd never see him again. But that isn't the case. He calls you - he comes by sometimes. He runs hot and cold - because he DOESN'T know what he wants.

His best friend is #1 he cares about me hes my friend too and husband has told him very little. I've already spoken to him once. Not about affair though. He knows my husband best out of anyone but he's also not the best relationship marriage advice person. Although waaaay better than my husbands single friends hes been going to. Atleast he's in a stable relationship tho not married.

His parents. They will be very mad at him but they are his parents so. He has no siblings.

I really hate this one but my family. I really don't want to bring this one up to my family. I haven't even had the guts to tell my sisters let alone my mother or father.

His co worker/friend. The one who's wife came to him. I may go to her for help since she knows something. But she went to him without coming to me first. And I think she somewhat convinced him to come home.

Another coworker of his who he works closely with. She and her bf have always been very nice to me and although my husband finds her annoying at times she can really get on his nerves not sure that will be a good thing but her.

I don't really know any of her friends except the ones she knows through my husband or met through him. But she will be embarrassed with some of these people. Shes not a co worker but works with his company so the co workers know her or have worked with her in some manner before.

There are some others I have in mind too.

This is by far the worst thing I have ever done. It sucks.

There is nothing wrong or bad with you doing this.

The wrongness is in your husband actions, not in your exposure. Exposure gives you the BEST chance for recovery.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, because you've done nothing wrong.

Get on her facebook account and target her family and friends, there is a really good template you can use to send FB messages regarding her affairs to your husband.

And I want him there. I invited him to dinner several times. I asked him to go places with me. I continued to make our home as inviting as possible. And it was like he didn't care. He might come home for a while. I wasn't going to bring anything up until he decided he wanted to talk but then this morning he said something to me that set me off I said one wrong comment and it was all over in his eyes. He said he was leaving. Does plan A mean I have to be perfect and set aside my own feelings at all costs.

He brought something up that happened before he stopped coming home every night. And then said It's running all together.

It continues to get worse. And he says if I had given him space to begin with maybe this would be over by now. Meaning he'd have made a decision.

For a short time, yes. Not at all costs - when you feel your emotional stability slipping, when your love for him starts dying, then you plan B

Plan A is only for about 3 weeks. But Plan A is incomplete without Exposure.

This ISN'T YOUR FAULT. NONE of this is your fault.

His confusion isn't your fault. This limbo isn't your fault.

The marriage got rough, you might take some fault there - but HIS AFFAIR ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

You are not to blame here.

You are not guilty.

You've done nothing that justifies this abuse.

You are letting yourself get derailed by his fogbabble.

Plan A is only intended to work ON ITS OWN about 15% of the time. It is also intended to lay the foundation for Plan B, so that your H will be left with some good memories of the M when the OW doesn't live up his expectations.

Just continue on your path and do your best to kill the A. Hopefully it's not too late...

She doesn't have facebook. Weird for an under 30 I know.

Plan A starts after exposure.

I was trying to do plan a before I got to exposure. As I was gathering evidence and making a plan. I seriously doubt I will be seeing him tonight although he did not pack a bag that I know of. And unless he left work early. But I doubt I will be seeing him and I'm not going to call him either.

What is going on with your exposure? Are you going to do it today or tomorrow?

BTW, you can possibly find out who OW's parents are by going to intelius.com and putting in her name and the state. The relatives pop up in the right hand column. OW's parents would be GREAT exposure targets!

Not tonight.

I think tomorrow night. I want to be ready. This is a big deal for me. And I Really don't want to do it. I know I need to but I am scared.

I doubt I will find her parents that way. She's from a big city and has a common name. Will try though.

What do I do if he comes home tonight? If he doesn't come home tonight?

Good luck on the exposure, that is the first step on saving your marriage, with out it you have NO hope

We know you can do it!

When do I confront him and her? Before or after? I am going to expose tonight.

Also he's gong to be mad. He's going to think I'm mad. Which I am but not so mad I want to end the marriage over it. How to I make him understand I still want to be together. He's not going to want to be around me I'm sure. Thiis may give him his push to get an apt.if he didn't do that already. Haven't talked to him since he didn't come home last night.

Okay, just got caught up. My, my, my. I don't believe I've ever seen such a resistent betrayed spouse in my time on this board. Okay, wait - there was the BS who finally, after going through about three months of denial, put a recording device under his marital bed and caught his wife having sex with her lover. Is that what you're waiting for?

What, you've been told for weeks now that your H is having an A. You've insisted that couldn't possibly be the case. Come ON - sleeping on her couch??? That's one of the older ones in the book!


You've been told how to get intel you need to expose and kill the A and you've refused.

Then you whip out an OW that you should have mentioned in the FIRST POST. Help us help you!

Your H is a typical wayward. They all speak the same language. You have got to expose and kill this A if you have any hope of saving your M. Please listen to the posters and do what we say!

This morning I let him know how hurt I was that he is staying at another womans house. A warning maybe of what is going to come tonight. I'm not going to expose to people he is having an affair I am simply going to tell them the facts and let them come to those own conclusion. Which everyone will make the same conclusion you all do. This way I am not accusing.
He is insisting that he needs space. He is blaming me. I know these are all signs. He says I "won't let him get his own place" and "coming home is not an option because won't give him space" and that's why he needs to sleep on her couch.

Any ideas on the exposure?

I do want to listen to you all. He has been careful though. He's not going to let on that he's having an affair. Or show it in public. I would imagine even if I had his phone he has deleted and evidence. And deleted any emails. He's not stupid. And he will continue with his that was the only place I could stay on her couch story. But if I expose that he has been sleeping at someone elses house and then people can make thier judgements.

I would avoid confronting him or his OW. That is for sure. They know they are having an affair, confrontation gets you nothing. When they come to YOU just state that "you know they are having an affair, you have enough proof to confirm that" don't give up how or what you know. Just state that "I will do what it takes to save my marriage. Would you like a cookie?"

Be a broken record.

You don't need to Justify anything.

Do you have your exposure list ready?

If you don't say "my husband is having an affair and is sleeping over her house." Then your exposure will not be affected, and your main goal is for it TO BE affected, because if you don't say "he is having an affair" your husband will lie and manipulate those you have told.

Good luck on the exposure, how are you working on getting her parents info?