I have never done anything like this before but I have no idea what to do about what is going on in my marriage. I have been with my husband for 10 yrs..married for 3 and have a 3 yr old son. My husband left me a few months ago,he really never gave me a reason but I later found out it was because I gained weight,I was lazy,and I told him a lot of little lies. I agree with that I did gain weight,I wasnt doin my job of being a wife and doing house work, and I did lie I admit to that and I did that because I didn't know how he would react. I know he wouldn't hit me or anything I just didn't want to disappoint him which I did anyway because I lied. I was depressed and just didn't care anymore. We got back together at the beginning of august and started counseling. While we were seperated we talked to other people. He slept with 2 women and I slept with 1 guy. I dont know how many women he talked to but I know I talked to 4 guys. Well I have a email account and I couldnt remember the password so I never checked it. He figured out it was the same password as my facebook and checked my email. When you get a message on facebook they send you an email saying you got a message. Well all the emails where there and some happened to be from a black guy. Yeah I talked to this guy and said stuff to him that I shouldnt have but I knew nothing would come out of it because I was just talkin junk and didnt mean any of it. Well my husband got really angry and said every racial slur you can think of. I believe he is going to divorce me because of this. He said if it were white guys he wouldnt care. I said you talked to other women what is the difference? he said I didnt talk to a black girl. I know I didnt mean anything i was saying to this guy but my husband thinks differently. Everything I was saying to to this guy I was saying to the other guys. I mean what was I supossed to do? my husband left me and I had noone to talk to and if someone starts talkin to me like that i will give it right back to them and not mean it. I have never cheated..well I guess you could say I have since I talked to other men while we were seperated..but other than that I have never even thought about cheating. My husband wont talk to me and says he doesn't know how to take me and I make him sick. So I know he is going to leave me,I dont want to be with out him but what can I do since he doesn't even care about me anymore. Im tired of being the blame for eveything if he wants out just leave and dont look for excuses. I just needed to get this out because I have noone to talk to about this and I wanted to see what other people thought about this.

Hey Ness
I am a very junior member here, you will have to wait till the more experienced folks respond to you.

Your post is a little confusing, first you say you slept with one guy, then you say you don't cheat?

Personally both you and your husband sound like you are confused about marriage.
You have so many issues, you lied? about what?
He left you because you gained weight? I think not, I think he just wanted to go-perhaps to be free to sleep with other women?

You both sound so young and not ready for marriage. How old are you and he?

sorry to confuse u..im not the best writer in the world and i'm confused myself =D i have never cheated on my husband..i slept with a guy when we were seperated and i know that some people consider that cheating so i guess we are both guilty of it...we are both 27 yrs old...i would have to say i lied about little things like for example he would ask did u smoke today and i would lie and say no even though i know he can smell..i know that sounds really dumb and your probably thinking why lie about that but i really cant explain why i do it..when he left me he never gave me a reason...but after we got back together and went to counseling thats when i found out that one of his issues with me was my weight.. i love my husband but i really dont think he wants to be married and would rather be free to sleep with whoever he wants...

Okay. You got married. You separated. You screwed other people while you were separated. When you are together you lie to each other. Your husband doesn't like your physical appearance. Your husband is racist and you are color-blind when it comes to flirting.

Do I have that all right?

nes, how long have you been married? Do you have children? You both sound incredibly immature to me.

Being separated but still married does not gives you an OK to sleep with other people.

I am sorry you are both immature and need to grow up.

Fix yourself before you fix the marriage, keep reading on this site they have articles and books that you can read that will help you. As long as you are DOING them

Good luck.

And NOT doing people who aren't your spouse.

yeah i agree we both need to grow up..we have been together since we were 17 and we dont know how to be a married couple...it feels more like we are dating and not married...

I would suggest you purchase 2 books that can really HELP you learn what it means to be married:

Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders
and
I Promise You

They are available at the bookstore here.

Marriage is a very different relationship than dating, it has special requirements and requires special commitment and behaviors.

Currently, you are two selfish people living parallel lives, they just happen to overlap right now, but your behaviors are shifting the paths of those lives. Marriage requires that two people BLEND their lives and become interdependent upon one another. This way when one changes, the other changes and they are able to stay together through all life's storms.

Please, get those books and read everything you can here. Your son deserves the BEST possible life you can give him, and that starts by becoming the BEST possible you, so that you can have the BEST possible marriage.

Great advise!