Proud of you and you are doing good NP. The emotional rollercoaster will not be so bad as time goes on but you MUST insulate yourself from him. Forward texts and phone calls from him and avoid even hearing his voice. If you have to change phone number or block it from him do it ASAP. K? This goes for email too, forward his to IMs.

I forgot I'm sorry did you send him a spelled out Plan B letter? If not do it

The IMs should even be filtering whatever news you hear about him along with whatever communication he shares about the kiddos.

Praying for ya. TTYL

Gave him the letter. Blocked him from my phone but made the mistake of allowing him to skype with DD yesterday and so had his voice filling the house. Not doing that again.

Picked MIL up from the airport last night and she stayed the night before driving home. He is avoiding his whole family and not talking to anyone. We had a pretty good chat and she feels awful about everything, and so ashamed of him. I tried to tell her that this ISN'T her son, and it's not my husband. He's not himself right now. He has turned his back on everything that he believed in and has lost himself completely.

I was watching Glenn Beck the other day and he had a rabbi, a preacher, and a Vietname war vet on his show. All four of them were talking about how they had to hit rock bottom in their lives before they truly found God. It made me think - I myself have found God more completely now than I ever have in my life. And maybe this is what WH needs to do to find himself and find God....God must have SOME redeeming plan in all this, right?

I was honestly coping and being so strong today until I took DD to presechool. It was the first day, so parents stayed. I was watching her play and all of a sudden it just hit me, how I just want to WAKE UP from this nightmare! I felt like screaming. I don't want any of this to be happening and it just hit me, how much it hurts that it is.

Trying to pull it together again now. I feel so lost and helpeless now.

(((((NP)))))

Oh hun, I am sorry that you are having a bad day. It really does get better. There are still those moments that you need to get through. the first everything after you enter into Plan B is hard.

Today, while I was at work, I had a customer that has been marrie for 62 years. We talked for 20 minutes. Then his wife came and he had to go. Then a little while later, I had another couple who had been married for 51 years. It made me sad. I was supposed to be one of those people. Sadness. I will get through and so will you.

I know how that feels, I work within a retirement community and to see the couples that have been together for so long...
You are so right in the feeling of sadness, that was supposed to be us.

But, you need to continue to focus on you and feeling better. It does get less painful, and in time I am sure less sad.

{{{{{NP}}}}

YES!!!

It's part of the miracle of a God-centered life that He can take the worst-case scenarios forced on us by the evil choices of others, and make them something beautiful in our lives.

Thanx Neak, I was trying to find a way to put it.

This may come as a surprise to everyone here, but I have found that to be true in my own life, too.

Aw neak, I'm not surprised.

Well NP, here goes,

If an when your WH realizes he can't run away from God and takes the postion that God is his ultimate SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY, he will be much more filled than what he has chosen. He will have to become humble and open his heart to God, or live in his fantasy that will torment and twist him around and around as he tries to make a mistake and a lie work now.

For you, now God IS drawing you near. The pain of separation from your H is very real. Now is the time you surround yourself with people who love you and depend on God to deliver the promises he has for you.

If you didn't feel the pain you would have a problem, but there is a great future ahead of you hidden in your recovery pain.

God is limitless in his ability to restore anything and also in the depth and value of relationships. You will know it and I hope your WH learns it also, but right now its you and waiting on God as you seperate the preciuos from the vile and take good care of yourself and kiddos.

Good way to put it.

CP, that was beautiful. And it's true. I have felt God with me more strongly than I ever have in my life through this. And for the first time in my life, truly and wholly trusting in His wisdom and peace. That poem "Footprints in the Sand" has taken on a whole new meaning for me through this.

I actually had someone offer to do a love spell for me yesterday (there are some crazy ppl in my life, haha) and I admit I was tempted, just because I was hurting SO badly. BUT, I thought to myself, if WH came back as my H, not an alien, I'd be down on my knees thanking God. And I want whatever comes from this to be from God, not some crazy decidely UNGodly love spell. I am praying and praying, and you know, the healing comes. Slowly, but it comes.

WH is back in town and saw DD again today. I found that today was the first day in well....ever...that I didn't WANT to see him. I was so angry with him today, that at times I was actually shaking. I was angry he had an A, angry he's with her so blatantly now, angry he's abandoned us, angry he feels he can waltz back into town whenever and have privileges like seeing his children...just MAD.

Our pastor is coming over tomorrow help me start working out the details of the separation. So far it's been a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants affair, but that is hurting me more than it helps. I am also going to call Family Court on Monday and start putting a Legal Separation in place, mainly just so I can legally say he can't take the kids around POSOW, and he loses his time with them if he does. I DO NOT want her around them.

My mom is being way more supportive than I could have dreamed. My dad left her when I was little, and she can (almost) understand what I'm going through, although there was no A involved with my parents. She's helping me start to heal. And she keeps saying the A won't last, that there are just so many issues ahead of them, and he will come back to me when it's over. I know this is probably true. But although if he came back TONIGHT I'd be over the moon, my want for him to come back is slowly ebbing away.

AMEN AND DOUBLE AMEN about trusting in God's power instead of spells!!!!!!!!

It is best that your love ebbs away some, to the point where you still have plenty left to tackle recovery, but gone enough to the point where you are detached enough to set the bar very, very high.

Yeah who ever thought that God hides from this type of challange? Or that he would ask you to jump thru crazy hoops to love you? Does he hide in the darkness or bring light? Does he tell us the truth or hide it?

I had akinda mixed up time as a teenager, trying to "fix" myself so I could fit in. Brought up christian but rejecting what I knew was right for the religion of being popular. I got away from the crazy crowd and decided it was gonna kill me but I will allways remember this rather simple thing to most and how it effected me.

I was watching the movie Tommy. To me its about how many find peace within themselves but how they search for it in others. When they can't find it there, they want to crucify them. Anyway..... There is a song called I'm free, and the song has this one line that has allways stuck with me...

"If I told you what it takes to reach the highest high,
you'd laugh and say nothings that simple,
Its been told you many times before Messiah's pointing to the door
but no-one has the guts to leave the temple"

To me it means let God reign and stop trying to fix the world and forget pleasing people, just be happy your alive to love and learn, and stand for what is His character.

I can't tell you how this set me free from myself and seeking happiness when I realized I was free and didn't know it, and was chained to what others thought was freedom but instead was conforming to non-conformity.

But the real key line is "You would laugh and say nothings that simple". People make it harder than it has to be because they want to control everthing, and they can't. All they can control is themselves, and in that bad things happen and we have to deal with them as best we can when they do even when we prepare dilligently the best we can.

My prayer for you is that life will become more peaceful and be so simple as your emotions stabilize and God brings you into a new life, with or without WH, but God willing,(Notice I said God willing), I hope he comes to his senses.

You just take care of you

Amen to that, Hang in there NP's you are doing well.

Hi there new petals

still following your thread, hoping that your ok and looking after yourself. My H has started to calm down a little and I believe your H will too. Just needs to realise what's he's missing. I don't think it will be long for him to see OW for what she is, someone willing to break up a family.

take care, Hitch

thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer, NP

It gets easier. I find there are actually periods of the day now where I DON'T think about WH. I'm not itching to call him all the time like I was before, and I actually have periods of the day where I'm actually happy. I've been working out really hard....lost 5 lbs just since he left! Planning a trip to see my sister for a couple weeks, and I leave next Wednesday, so I've kept myself busy preparing for that, and it's been an exciting time with DD starting preschool. But, he's never far from my thoughts and every day, I wish I could share the day with him and just TALK to him about my life.

I still get flashes of images in my head of him and her (both emails I read and just picturing them together), but I'm able to handle it much better when that happes now. I can push it aside and get on with what I was doing without it crippling me.

I was watching Glee just now - not sure if anyone follows it, but a large part of the story line is the "affair" between Will (a married man) and Emma, a fellow teacher who's single. Anyway, I'm kind of behind, just watching the first season, but I just watched the episode where Will's wife confronts Emma and tells her off. Emma, in true OW fashion, tells his wife that Will deserves better than her. She says, "You think you're so superior because you're nice to man you see for a couple hours a day. You innocent little dove. You're so innocent you'd steal a married man from his pregnant wife." She goes on, and totally puts Emma in her place. I almost cheered. Oh...that I would have had the chance to see WH's POSOW in person and tell her exactly what I thought of her.....I still fantasize about it!

And...I still pray every night, not just for courage and strength, but also for him to come back to me. When I was putting DD to bed tonight, I asked her what she wanted to pray to God for, and she said, "I want to ask Him to bring Daddy home." I almost cried.

One thing that still REALLY bothers me is how he perverted the MB site. I introduced him to all the concepts and Steve Harley gave him the blueprint of how WE could be happy. And he took it, and used it to justify leaving, talking about how POSOW fills all his emotional needs. He went on and on about how great MB is, but I think he used it to reason out leaving me and make himself believe that he and POSOW just have the perfect MB relationship. Gag. I don't know.....maybe I shouldn't let it get to me, but it makes me so angry to think about that.

And THANK YOU, everyone, for the prayers. I still really need them. As much as it's getting better, there are still moments when I fall apart and sob my heart out.

NP, I haven't posted to your thread lately, because I can't add to what anyone else is advising. But I wanted to let you know that I'm still following it, and still rooting for you and your M, even though your wayward seems very far away right now.

If he comes back and you restore your M, that's great. But what's even better is the growth I've seen in you since you first started posting. I know that, either way, you're going to have a great life and shine.

NP

I suspect NP that your WH is going to discover that

Family Commitment

just might be one of his top five emotional needs and

well

I do not believe the OW will be able to meet at least that one!

so.....lol......he still doesn't quite get MB stuff.

Do not despair on that one! You will become an expert on it with time!

If he comes back you will have more insight and if he doesn't you won't care that much with your emotional needs being neglected.

Well, I know I haven't been on here much. Not much new to report. Just getting through day to day. I have good and bad days, angry, sad, and happy days. I think about him less and it hurts less. A little.

I'm heading out of town to visit my sister for a couple weeks, leaving tomorrow morning. I'm really looking forward to not having to be responsible for everything for a little while! I hope the break helps clear my head and my heart a little.

When I get back, I have a friend coming to feng shui the heck out of my house. I need new energy and a new mind space around here! I'm quite excited for that!

Anyway, MB friends, take care and I will be checking back in in a couple weeks!

Hugs, sweetie! Have great big fun! Check in when you get back and are thoroughly 'feng-shuied'!