Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1 |
I have been married for 19 years. my wife constantly talks about her attraction for African-Americans (we're caucasian). How can i let her know it is hurtful to me to constantly hear this when we are with friends and family.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
Have you tried simply telling her, straight? "I'm hurt when you talk about being attracted to other people. Will you please stop?"
If she asks you why it bothers you, tell her that, too. I imagine having having something (that you could never be) held up as the ideal is quite bothersome.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234 |
Being truthful is probably your most direct approach. Another approach is to give her an analogy.
"If a husband repeatedly mentioned how attracted he was to other women, wouldn't it hurt his wife?"
And keep a serious and sober tone during the conversation with her, so that she takes it seriously. If she says, "Oh, I'm just kidding. You're being too sensitive." I'd ask her, "Is that an answer you'd be satisfied with if the roles were reversed?"
I don't know her circumstances, but some women really are clueless about the fact that men have feelings too. They might not have been raised with brothers, weren't around a lot of men growing up, or whatever. Providing an analogy gives her a chance to feel empathy.
It's never too late to learn something new. If this is a concern of yours, it should be a concern of hers as well.
Last edited by Soolee; 09/23/10 12:12 PM.
Sooly
"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
147
guests, and
46
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
|
|
