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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Thanks everyone

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Thanks everyone #2374359 05/16/10 10:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69 J jearnshaw1 Member
jearnshaw1 Member J Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69	I don't have any thing new to report. I just want to thank everyone for the help and suggestions that I have received. I do take them to heart and don't worry about being to harsh this is a harsh world and it's easier to look in the box than out of it. I don't think I would have fought as hard for my marrige if I hadn't found this site, it is very resoursful. Thank again M: 2 1/2 years Bestfriends Brother. Known for 20yrs. W:33 H:30 Kids: 5 found out about affair in Feburary 2010 Affair happened in May of 2009 lasted 3wks with sister Sister lived in the home

Re: Thanks everyone jearnshaw1 #2429149 09/22/10 05:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69 J jearnshaw1 Member
jearnshaw1 Member J Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69	It's been 6 months I don't dream about the affair any more or think about it often. We are still working hard we talk more and the intamcy is good I have to try really hard not to think about them while being intamate but I believe it is getting better. I'm not going to lie I do feel like crying every now and then I just try and think about something different and not be so focused on what they did. I just wonder am I getting better? I kind of feel like I'm at a stand still does it get better than this? I'm not really sad but I'm not exactly happy either. M: 2 1/2 years Bestfriends Brother. Known for 20yrs. W:33 H:30 Kids: 5 found out about affair in Feburary 2010 Affair happened in May of 2009 lasted 3wks with sister Sister lived in the home

Re: Thanks everyone jearnshaw1 #2429232 09/23/10 05:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom B Bob_Pure Member
Bob_Pure Member B Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom	Hi Je Are you applying marriagebuilders tools to your recovery ? I ask because "trying not to think about it" isn't really a plan for sustained happiness, while rebuilding romantic love IS. I speak from long experience of "toleration" here, trust me MB Alumni

Re: Thanks everyone Bob_Pure #2429391 09/23/10 12:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69 J jearnshaw1 Member
jearnshaw1 Member J Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 69	Yes we are we've read his and her needs, we are really talking more and asking each other how we feel. I guess what I should have said is when something pops into my head about them I think of something different and good. I know it will always be there Im just trying to think of it less and this does help. I don't ask questions anymore I can say when I think of something and I think I want to ask I don't because I've really asked already and several times. He has answered all of my questions when asked. I have a keylogger, I have all passwords he's given me, he tells me when he's leaving and coming back. He is trying really hard for me get to trust him again. M: 2 1/2 years Bestfriends Brother. Known for 20yrs. W:33 H:30 Kids: 5 found out about affair in Feburary 2010 Affair happened in May of 2009 lasted 3wks with sister Sister lived in the home

Re: Thanks everyone jearnshaw1 #2429439 09/23/10 02:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom B Bob_Pure Member
Bob_Pure Member B Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom	Quote I know it will always be there It is still so fresh and raw for you. I sit at six years from d-day and I only recall details of those days now if I try to. And why on EARTH would I choose to do that ? What I found is that I was employing a few of the MB recovery steps but not all of them. for example we were not spending NEARLY 15 hours per week of UA time. It was uninstinctive for us to change this, but we started meeting for lunch a few times per week. This became a wonderful tradition for us and it helped us hugely in developing intimacy and having fun together. It may be worth a consultation with Steve Harley to see if he can help you two fit more of the MB step to rebuild JOY into your life. All blessings. MB Alumni

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